


Glass Box || Yeonbin

by Haohaocity



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band), TXT - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Asexual Huening Kai, Autism, Autism Spectrum, Denial of Feelings, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends With Benefits, Heartbreak, M/M, Oblivious Choi Soobin, Pining, Soft Choi Soobin, Soobin gets heartbroken, Whipped Choi Yeonjun, beomgyu - Freeform, pure soobin, taegyu, taehyun - Freeform, taehyun and soobin are bestfriends, twin flames, yeonjun doesn’t show up until later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:22:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 37
Words: 53,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28846017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haohaocity/pseuds/Haohaocity
Summary: In which Soobin is scared to love Yeonjun.Also on wattpad @haohaocity
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	1. one

"You know you're doing that wrong right?' 

"Oh yeah, I know... I just... I don't want to write out everything, the correct way is so long." 

Well, yeah, he didn't want to write everything out, but also he kinda didn't know what he was supposed to be doing in the first place. He just remembers whatever work Ms. Choi was writing on the board during class was way too long and way too complex for him to even begin to try and understand. And admitting that to someone two grades below him was not something his pride would like for him to admit. Especially when the said sophomore's love language was most definitely nit-picking how he went about doing everything from homework to trying to call out "here" for the daily attendance. Even if he was to go through the minor embarrassment of admitting not understanding how to do a simple math problem, his friend would likely attempt to explain it to him, which Soobin did appreciate of course, but he would prefer to not experience the tragedy of awkwardness the whole situation would make him. 

"Weren't you suppose to learn that your sophomore year?'

Huening Kai leaned over in his seat closer to hol and placed his hand over Soobin's slightly crumpled paper and dragged it closer to him. 

"Uh, it's just review," Soobin mumbled.

He felt rather uncomfortable with Kai so close to him, he could practically feel the heat radiating off him, but he didn't say anything of it in fear of upsetting the younger. The way Heuning so close made Soobin feel like ants were running underneath his veins, and that he just needed to push the other away and shake off the feeling. It wasn't Heuning's fault, though. Soobin's just was a big fan of his personal space. He had always been, even with his parents and siblings, so much so that he was granted the iconic nickname of "touch-me-not" when he was barely 5 years old. He just couldn't get past the weird feeling closeness gave him. Maybe because he had never gotten used to it.

Leaning more into Soobin, Kai furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at Soobin with a finger pointing at a problem. "You are supposed to square this."

"As if Ms. Choi would check the work."

Huening let out a hum and moved the paper back to Soobin and leaned back in his chair. Soobin breathed a sigh of relief to finally have his personal space back.

"Seriously though if you need help I can explain it to you'"

Soobin side glared at him hoping he would get the point that he wanted the conversation to be over already.

"Okay okay." 

Huening Kai pinched his cheek and tugged it to the side. Soobin had always had stretchy skin and Kai always wanted to touch it. It's like Kai thought his face was his stress ball or something.

"Hey!" Soobin shrieked and swatted his hand away, with a fake disgusted face. (It wasn't fake but he wouldn't have told Kai that) and air strangled Kai to get him to laugh.

Huening Kai and Soobin were always like this. Kai would annoy Soobin. Soobin would pretend like him getting in his space didn't bother him. And then they'd go about talking about whatever random topic came to them. Soobin appreciated his friend though don't be fooled. They had just met this school year and had already become very close in a short period. Soobin wasn't much of a talker and Heuning can't ever seem to shut up so the two worked perfectly. They were only close on a somewhat surface-level though as they had never really told each other about their sucky childhoods (If Huening even had one to talk about), fears, past relationships, or even basic emotions. To be honest, Soobin didn't even know if Huening Kai even had siblings. They were very light hearted. Soobin had gotten the vibe that Kai wasn't one to talk about that kind of stuff. Anytime they'd get onto a deep topic he would send the convo elsewhere. Soobin had taken the hint that those subjects either made him uncomfortable or he didn't find interest in them. Kai didn't like to take anything seriously, so it just seemed as if emotions bored him. 

One time Soobin asked him why he hung out with people so much to the point that he never got any time to himself and he just joked and said "I had a board meeting with me, myself, and I. We all decided that all three of us would rather annoy the entire Korean population with stupid puns then watch 3 hours of Netflix by ourselves. We can't entertain the voices too much now can we?." Then winked and went on talking about his friend from his 3rd block. 

After that Soobin decided there was something a little weird with the younger but decided he didn't want to question it too much. He felt like if he thought too hard about it he would convince himself that Huening had some type of brain cancer that made him incapable of communicating emotional depths. Or maybe he would realize that he was like him and just didn't know how to share his problems even though he desperately craved to. He didn't want to know that other people also stayed up late thinking about why they couldn't seem 'connect', and always felt alienated from those who they cared for. That'd be too much for Soobin. He already was spending his time worrying about when his best friend Taehyun amid sleep deprivation rambled on about how he doesn't think his girlfriend loved him, cause "How could she Soob? How she could love me? I mess everything up. I already broke her heart once, she probably hates me now." Soobin didn't think he could handle knowing one person's deepest fears and worries, much less two people. 

Taehyun's sleepy face and sad pout still lingered in his mind at night. He would stay up trying to find ways to get Taehyun to stop thinking that way, and he'd always come up with these grand schemes but he'd never go through with them. Honestly, he doesn't even know if Taehyun remembers what he said to him that night and he didn't want to make things awkward between them since they were so close. He knew the world was cruel to the best of people. He was hyper aware of it, but it shocked him whenever he saw that type of suffering in person. Especially when it was Taehyun.

Taehyun and he had met a few times at the church that both of their parents forced them to go to every Sunday. But they didn't become friends until an event at Soobin's house that his Mom had organized for the youth. It was a pool party and Taehyun was of course swimming but Soobin was comfortable with that many people seeing him shirtless so he sat on the deck in a long sleeve and shorts. Someone they struck up a conversation and decided that they liked each other. After calling Taehyun's Dad to make sure it was okay, Taehyun spent the night after the rest of the youth went home. They bonded over how they hated organized religion and how they would rather just sleep in every Sunday instead of making awkward small talk with the old half blind man and his wife again. 

That night Soobin managed to get Taehyun into all his favorite musical artists and learned that Taehyun's Father was ultra-conservative and never let him breathe his own air, and his mother who no longer attended church rarely left the house much less her room. Soobin didn't know the severity of it this until they tried to have a sleepover again the following weekend. Long story short Taehyun wasn't allowed to stay the night at Soobins for two years because Taehyun's Dad thought Soobin was "Weird" and he didn't want it rubbing off on his son. The teenagers both believed it was cause Soobin was gay and he somehow knew, despite never been told directly. But they weren't able to confirm it.

Eventually, Mr. Kang got over his stubborn attitude and let Taehyun simply just hang out with someone who he enjoyed being around when he realized how much the Choi family did for Taehyun. Soobin's parents gave him a place to stay for 3 weeks when their power went out, took him to concerts with Soobin and paying for his tickets, checked up on him when Taehyun's mom was sick, and even sometimes acted more like his parents than he did.

Taehyun began to sleep over Soobin's often, partially to avoid his parent's constant criticism, or to scream about how much he hated his job (which he recently quit), but mostly because they were soulmates and were inseparable. Soobin and Yuna (Taehyun's girlfriend) were the only two people to stick around after Taehyun's "incident". But Taehyun was moving to Daegu for a few months to leave with his sister and her husband so hopefully, he will be making some new friends that actually cared for him this time. 

Although Soobin is happy for his best friend he doesn't know what he'll do when he leaves Monday. You see he doesn't really hang out with people other than Taehyun. Yes, he has Kai, but thats more of a "Friend's that only talk inside school" situation. He had a few of those. One was a boy in his grade name. Beomgyu who really likes anime and reading. He's really sweet and easy to talk to but they don't get to see each other that much. Whenever they are together they get along well, but it looks like he has his own set of friends so Soobin doesn't ever ask to meet outside of school.

"Didn't that friend of yours quit his job at the sandwich place?" Kai asked.

"Tae? Yeah, he said was sick of people ordering 5 sandwiches at a time through the drive through all the time. And he's moving for a bit so he can't exactly make his shifts anymore."

"You think I could take his place?"

"What?"

"You know like fill the empty spot he left. They have to be hiring now."

"No you'd annoy the fuck out of the costumers."

"What is that suppose to mean?"

"You'd tell them that their choices in cheese sucked."

Heuning paused for a second and laughed. "So I will in fact NOT be taking Taehyun's job." He then pressed a non existent button in the air. "And Send tweet."

Soobin chuckled and grabbed the strap of his bag and swung it over his shoulder. 

"Ok twitter addict, will you walk to the library with me so I don't have to talk to the librarian who asks too many perosnal questions by myself for again? I have to return a book so I don't have to pay a fine again?"

"What she's nice!"

"She is! But she makes WAY too much eye contact. And she is a Taurus! Please! I'll die."

"Ok fine, lets go."


	2. Chapter 2

Going into his senior year, Soobin didn't think he'd still be riding the bus home from school every day. Its just that He just putting off getting his license, and whenever his parents brought it up he'd use the "I'm too stressed with school right now" excuse. Which yes, was somewhat true. But for the most part he just didn't feel like learning. Which was not good in terms of the bus. He hated that bus. Bus number 05-44 specifically. The driver was some pushy old lady who handed out salvation cards in goody bags every holiday and would make all the students say "oh my stars" instead of "Oh my god". She once even got mad at Soobin's little brother Chibin for bringing up an American football player being Jewish. And she made girls sit on one side of the bus and boys sit on the other, and everyone had to sign a contract saying they wouldn't misbehave and would get good grades. No one took her seriously though since she spent more time making sure no one had their feet in the walking path than actually looking at the road. Which was his job by the way.

Soobin didn't know anyone either, he sat next to Chibin in the back due to the "siblings sit together rule." He only knew some names, like the two other upperclassmen who always sat in the front of the bus. For some reason, the two were the only people of the opposite gender that were allowed to sit next to each other. At least until yesterday when they got separated when someone called Mrs. Lee out on playing favorites. Now they can be found in different seats near Soobin. 

Soobin wanted to talk to them but they seemed intimidating, not in the "oh they are going to kill me" type of way. But in a "they seem about 500 times cooler than me". And to make matters worse the boy, Daehwan, was very attractive and even attracted though Soobin knew that he was straight, he flipped every time they made even the slightest of eye contact.

Now you could imagine what happened when Daehwan came up to Soobin's seat while they were waiting for the middle schoolers to arrive and said "Hey so um, we're friends now ha." with a stupid grin. 

"Oh um okay... hi."

"I'm Daehwan. You listen to Lil peep?"

"Uh no, I don't like rap that much."

"Whatcha listen to then?"

"Kard and Stray kids mostly."

"Huh?"

"They are idol groups."

"Ha, that's gay."

"Well, I am gay so-"

Soobin then heard laughing coming from the seat behind him. 

"Didn't you JUST say you'd date a guy?"

Soobin turned around to see Hyeri, the girl that used to sit with Daehwan. 

"Ok yes. But no. I'm just saying if I met a dude and I thought he was cute and I developed some feelings I wouldn't be against a smash or two. But I am still VERY straight" He shrugged "My girl probably wouldn't be into me doing that though psh."

"I don't know kind of sounds like you're gay Dae."

Soobin looked back and forth between the two as they spoke. He felt awkward cause they were obviously close and this is his first time speaking to either one of them and he already feels like he knows too much about them. 

"Ay, anyways you got snap?"

Soobin stared for a second and realized it was him who he was talking to and jumped slightly and got his phone out of his pocket.

"Yea- uh yes- um but I never really go on it though."

Daehwan grabbed Soobin's phone and opened up the said app with a laugh "So?" He said.

Soobin assumed he was adding himself when he took a picture of himself with a dog filter on and sent it to someone he didn't have on his friends list moments before. 

"Aight thanks, new friend." 

"Oh, yeah sure no problem."

At this point, Daehwan went back to the seat behind Hyeri and suddenly Soobin felt like he could breathe again. "Did he just- oh my god- the way he was standing over me-" he said to himself while the heat fled to his cheeks. He lightly fans his face. "That happened". Soobin was oddly shocked and fascinated by how the boy so confidently came up to him and how assertive he was in taking his phone. He didn't even ask Soobin and it made him feel very weird.

"Why are you blushing?" Chibi said, appearing next to him to sit down. He must have not noticed the Middle school getting out.

"I'm not"

All he got in return was one of Chibins thick eyebrows pointed upwards with a questioning face, before he turned to his phone and started to play some game.

Hopefully, Chibin didn't suspect anything. Soobin was known as the "forever single" kid in his household and was always talking about how stupid it was to date people and how it just wasn't for him. 

"Why would I date someone when I don't even know what I'm eating for lunch." and "People always date, date, date, and they never have time to worry about themselves before they go off and find the next person to make out with." He'd say only to be found at two in the morning crying over how lonely he is and 

"What's wrong with me? Why can't I find anyone? Why does everyone get to find love but for me?" He'd say as he looked up at the ceiling of his room.

He didn't mean to lie, he just didn't know what to do when someone asked about love. Love was such a sensitive subject that ran so deep within Soobin that he didn't even know how to share it with someone, so he opted for telling people the exact opposite of what he thought about it.

Love was incredible to Soobin. He believed love was rare and that once you find you should cherish it. Any drop of it he could get he clings onto it in hopes that it wouldn't leave him. He didn't just want love. He was love. He didn't eat meat because he cared too much for the animals. He had never been in any drama because he was too kind to do anything that would spark a fight, and if someone wronged him he'd just forgive him. He was nice to people even if he didn't like them. And He can't wrap his head around porn because it isn't love. It's filthy and shallow and he can't see how one could have sex without being connected to the person on such a high level that you just sail on the feeling of being in love. And he's never even touched himself either because he can't seem to get behind the idea of it. What's the point if he can't share it with someone you care about on such a deep level? He perfers the idea of "making love", gently kisses, and hand holding. 

He wants to be underneath the stars and lay on someone's chest only listening to their breath. He craves the simple feeling of interlocked fingers and a light touch of lips against the back of his hand.

The world was cruel and love was kind. He had only experienced the world and rarely met with love. He wants love to be a frequent visitor but she doesn't come around often. And he understands why.

In his mind he is weird. 

He cries when he's in loud places. 

He doesn't enjoy tv shows or movies that much.

He doesn't enjoy texting or calling. 

He knows every single thing about astrology and won't stop talking about it. 

His whole Instagram feed is just pictures and memes of the artists he listens to. 

And he still collects stuffed animals.

He's too weird for love.

Honestly, he doesn't even really want a romantic kind or love. He just wants someone to be gentle with him and understand his struggles and problems. He wants to be understood. And he wants to do the same to others. 

Suddenly Soobin felt a tap on his shoulder that pulled him out of his thoughts. 

"Hello?"

"Yo, you'll not believe what Mrs. Lee did." Hyeri said.

Soobin was kind of confused since she was talking to him like they had been friends for ages. 

"Oh my god she is such a bitch you won't believe it," Daehwan added.

"Ok sure. What happened?"

"So my parents are dead first off." Hyeri laughed. "And she went around and told all of the substitute bus drivers that I was an orphan. Like I'm 18 it isn't that deep please stop spreading my personal information."

Soobin stared at her with wide eyes. Her parents were dead, ok got it. Mrs. Lee doesn't know how to keep things to herself, got it. Ok. Fair enough. That is pretty bitchy.

"That's messed up, she shouldn't have said anything."

"EXACTLY. That's why she let Dae and I do whatever we want so much. Cause she pities me and thinks she is a good Christian by letting me break the rules."

Soobin's mouth dropped. 

"You're kidding, I thought you guys were just family friends with her or something."

Daehwan tsked. "Nope, she's just a Karen, my dude."

Soobin shook his head and turned back around. "That's crazy," he thought. 

Daehwan and Hyeri continued talking and he tried to not eavesdrop, but they were talking so loud it was kinda hard not to. 

"You know Minji said I can't talk to other girls."

"She's so annoying, you should dump her."

"Bruh I might."

"Good, she is sooooo clingy."

"Eh Nah I don't want to hurt her it'll be fine."

"Jesus fuck Dae."

Soobin heard Daehwan let out a guilty but playful laugh.

The rest of the bus ride consisted of Daehwan complaining about his girlfriend. They seemed toxic together but he didn't want to turn around and tell him that since it wasn't his place.

This Minji girl would get mad at him whenever he took longer than 5 minutes to respond, and she would cry if he didn't facetime her at all seconds of the day and night. He wasn't allowed to look at other girls, and to make it worse, she would blame him for them not living in the same city, like he could control where his parents decided to live. They had been together long distance for 6 months and were waiting to meet each other. Also Daehwan never actually asked her out. She just started saying she was his girlfriend and he went along with it since he liked her.

Soobin felt kind of bad for Daehwan. If Soobin were dating him he wouldn't be like that.


	3. three

"I thought you said you were staying for 3 months?" Soobin said to Taehyun through the phone screen.

"I was supposed to. But my Dad said that it was too long and it was 'unneeded in the first place', so he made me shorten it. Which is good I guess since I won't have to do all my classes online for that long." 

Taehyun looked like he was trying to stay optimistic, but Soobin knew that the situation was affecting Taehyun. Just last week Taehyun was so excited that he didn't have to be in Seoul with his parents and people from school who he could tell didn't care for him as much as they said they did, for a whole three months. "It'll be over for y'all when I come back hot as hell, with a badass attitude, and clear skin from not having to deal with all the basic fake people in our school for a whole 90 days. Just wait." He said with a few aggressive claps and points. 

He had been talking about going to Daegu since the "incident" happened at the end of August when he was told he was allowed to stay with Seri and Baekho. It was now January so he had waiting SO long for his so-called "life detox" and his Dad had already been pushing it off for several months. But now he had to go on and take even more away from the very thing that was meant to make Taehyun feel better.

Soobin felt as if Mr.Kang was very enthusiastic about him going to when the idea first popped up. Maybe it's because of what Taehyun had just gone through. But as the weeks turned into months he seemed to forget about how bad the whole thing was and why they had agreed on Daegu in the first place.

"I just wish he'd let me have this one thing ya know?" 

Soobin watched as his friend sat with a slight pout and downturned face as he picked at his fingers that were just barely below the screen. He was a lot less smiley and duller in vibe than usual. Normally on facetime, he'd be swinging his hips and throwing it back to Britney Spears and Ariana Grande, and he'd be going "And I said to her 'You are SUCH a Scorpio stereotype Seri. Point, blank, perIOD" when telling him about a conversation he had with his sister, or screaming (literally screaming) about how he hated working at that Sandwich shop he just quit. 

"Hey, at least you get to see Yuna and Me sooner?"

"Yuna probably doesn't even want to see me right now."

"Huh what do you mean? I thought you guys were better this time."

"We got into a fight about stuff from the first time we dated."

Taehyun and Yuna had once dated around a year ago, and Soobin didn't really like her back then. She wasn't very nice to Taehyun and she never wanted to hang out with him when Soobin was around (they later found out she wasn't comfortable with him being gay), and they got into a lot of fights over stupid reasons like how Tae was "A dry texter" and other stupid things like that. Taehyun ended up breaking up with her 2 months in because he felt trapped due to his commitment issues, which of course Yuna didn't understand so she went around telling everyone that Taehyun broke her heart and that he was a dick who never even cared about her.

But she seemed better now. She wasn't homophobic anymore and she invited Soobin to go places with them, and would even pay for the three of their meals at restaurants. She didn't make it feel like Soobin was third-wheeling either the two either. Which he was extremely thankful for since he used to be the friend the walked on the grass instead of the sidewalk in every friend group he had been in up until he moved to Seoul and me Taehyun.

Yuna wanting to hang out with Soobin made him very happy since Taehyun talked about her so much. He wanted to get to know the person that his best friend cared so much for. So he was glad when he learned she was like the female version of Taehyun just on crack. She was very loud and didn't care what people said about her. The only differences between her and Taehyun were that she was extroverted and a lot more dominant and assertive in social situations. She was also OBSESSED with anime. She could go on for hours and hours talking about anime, and it seemed as if she had seen every single one. She even knew quite a bit of Japanese as well. Soobin enjoyed the three's time together because she was so easy to talk to and he never had to worry about what he was going to say next around them.

Unlike the last time, they dated she was a lot more kind and accepting of the things Taehyun was into. He liked Monsta X so she learned the members' names and would play them in the car for him. She also would say he looked cute when ever he decided that he wanted to wear a crop top or paint his nails instead of saying 'Tae you look like a girl, what are you wearing." She seems to have learned and grown a lot and he thinks that why Taehyun loves her so much. Of course, he didn't like women the way Taehyun did, but he could understand where he was coming from. He did however wonder if what he was seeing was only the good side of their relationship. Taehyun had a habit of not wanting to bother others with his feelings so whenever he was going through something it was hard for Soobin to get the full story, and he did seem a bit more closed off than usual once he started developing real feelings for Yuna again, but he didn't know how to bring it up without upsetting Taehyun.

"What? You guys never fight."

"We have been recently.''

Soobin got a bad feeling in his stomach. It was the same feeling he got the week leading up to the "incident' . This frightened Soobin since during the whole thing Taehyun stopped responding to everyone's texts and calls until randomly sending a "hey lol" to a very confused and worried Soobin three weeks later.

"What about?"

"I don't know, apparently I'm not making enough time for her."

The sadness is Taehyun's voice instantly reminded Soobin of the night he kept asking him how she could really love him, and it concerned him.

"Tae you know that's not true, you barely even had enough time to do homework."

"I know but still."

"Is that all she said?" 

"She was kind of upset that when we do hang out we don't ever do 'it' anymore. Which isn't true.... well it kinda is. I just don't have the drive recently, but that doesn't mean we stopped altogether."

"Well did you explain that to her?"

"Yeah, she apologized after, but I still feel like a shitty boyfriend."

"You aren't though."

Taehyun didn't respond and just got out of the seat he was sitting in and went off to somewhere in the room to dig around in his suitcase."

"Anyways did you see Monsta X's comeback?" He said with his normal happy voice

"Uh no, I didn't know they were having one."

"Yeah, it's called love killer."

"Dude... that was 2 months ago."

"Okay and?"

"Jesus Christ Tae."

"I'M A LITTLE BEHIND ON LIFE RIGHT NOW OKAY."

Soobin laughed, he seemed okay and like himself again. At least for the most part

"Okay okay, I have to get ready for an appointment are you going to be okay."

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?"

Soobin blinked. Did he just forget about the conversation they just had?

"Ha, I don't know. Imma go now Oki??"

"Oki ok, bye bye Soob!"

"Byeeeee"

Soobin clicked the end call button and shook his head. Sometimes Tae really confused him.

When stepping into the filling tub of water a few minutes later he ran over the conversation once again. He found it odd how Taehyun seemed to dismiss or lower the importance of some of the things Yuna had said to him. How could he think those kinds of things were his fault when they obviously weren't? 

His phone sat on the edge of the tub and Youtube was open and a music video by one of the artists he listened to was playing. 

"Selfish, I will never be enough

Even if I pour our my everything" 

The words of the song rang in Soobin's ears. They seemed too accurate for the situation. How did Taehyun not seem to care whenever Yuan selfish? He just didn't get it. Up until this point, Soobin could barely see any faults with the term 'love'. But thinking about someone else that he cared so much for being in love with someone made him realize that there might be some negatives to it. "Not everything is all sunshine and rainbows Soobin. Don't you realize that love is blind to even the biggest red flag." his thoughts spat.

"As long as you love me

The good or the ugly

Everything is ok

It's like you control me

"Without you I'm lonely"

"I wouldn't be like that if I fell in love, right?" He said looking down at his hands that were dancing over his legs that were pulled close to his chest in the water. "I'd be able to stop myself from letting my emotions change how I view someone bad for me, right? Would I even see the signs before I let myself get hurt?"

He stared at the bathroom wall. He didn't feel too good. His stomach was beginning to hurt and he was holding back tears that were threatening to spill out. It's like every time Taehyun would ignore and push back any feelings he had it would personally affect Soobin in some way. As if he would go and pick everything Taehyun had going on and take it from him so he wouldn't have to experience it. And this had been happening so often recently. It wasn't just Taehyun either. It was his mom who was stressed. It was his English teacher being annoyed, and it was the random person in the hallway who was having a bad day. He was constantly feeling everyone else's emotions and barely had anytime to deal with his own, so whenever he was faced with personal thoughts he would break down in a pathetic fit of tears.

"Of course I'd be able to see red flags. I'm not that delusional."

Soobin sat in the same position blanking staring off for a long time wondering if all his fantasies of love were things he really wanted or not.

"What am I without my dreams?"

"Did I never have them to begin with?"

A dinging noise echoed against the bathroom walls and pulled Soobin out of his trance to look at his phone.

A thin yellow and bar appeared at the top of his screen saying "Snapchat from Daehwan 🐸 "

Clicking on the notification with a slightly wet finger a picture of the sophomore filled his screen that had the words "I know you are older, but can I drop the Hyung? We can be friends;)" typed out.

No one had ever wanted to drop informalities with him so quickly, it kind of made him nervous, but for the most part, it brought butterflies within his stomach. "Does he want to get close with me? I think this will make him think of me more positively. Maybe he'll ask me to hang out soon. Just as friends though." He thought with a giddy smile on his face. He was excited and had completed forgot about all his worries from just seconds ago. 

Daehwan was giving a form of attention he had not yet experienced and made him maybe, just maybe, Soobin was a little too flustered over a boy he barely knew.


	4. Chapter 4

*******

Glass box   
By @choibinbin  
500 reads 

Where in Hyunbin feels like he lives trapped within a glass box and no one seems to see him.

~Chapter 4~

"Firetruck!! Hyunbin shrieked when Jaeho's hand gripped the top of his inner thin.

"Awh he's turning red!" 

"See? I said he wouldn't last more than two seconds."

"I never disagreed. He radiates gay panic energy."

"Hahaha true. By the way Are you a bottom- wait are you a virgin? You act like a virgin."

Hyunbin's face turned an even brighter shade of red than it already was. Why would he ask that?

"Um yeah, I am." He hesitantly answered.

"Which one."

"....both."

"Awh that's so cute," Jaeho said as his hand made it's way back to Soobin's thigh to rest there. 

Chohee raised an eyebrow and went "Jae?" 

"What. It's just a thigh. And Hyunbin is ok with it. Right, Bin?."Jaeho said with a smirk towards the older.

Hyunbin shyly nodded and blushed again. 

"Words Bin ."

"Oh um, yes I'm o-ok with it." He said nervously.

"See, we're chill."

"Y'all should just date already."

Jaeho looked Hyunbin up and down. 

"I mean I'd be down."

Hyunbin widened his eyes and quickly looked in the opposite direction.

"Babe chillax, I'm joking with you."

"Babe? Did he just call Me babe? Only people who like each other say, babe. And why is he gripping my thigh like that?" Hyunbin thought.

Never had he been in the situation before and he felt frozen. What does one even do when a cute boy who HAS A GIRLFRIEND is rubbing his thump gently on your thigh with some squeezes from his fingers? 

Hyunbin tended to get awkward in unknown situations and this was different from one of them. His whole body seemed stiff and it was like he lost all his basic motor skills. 

If Mrs. Lee hadn't announced that she wouldn't be driving the bus for 2 weeks, she probably would be losing her shit at the way Jaeho kept winking and trying to compare hand sizes with Hyunbin. Or even the fact that they were sitting next to one another in the first place. They had broken about 50 of her stupid rules since they stepped on the bus, and he'd rather not imagine it the Karen fit she'd have. She'd be appalled by the way Hyunbin's eyes kept finding their way back to the vein that led from Dae's ring finger up to his forearm, and she would rage at the stupid Firetruck game he kept making Hyunbin play with him. 

"Why are his hands that pretty?" He kept thinking. "Who even has pretty hands to start with?"

*********************

"This Jaeho dude is sus as hell. Like he seems like a perv." 

"I know!!! I think the author plans on making him fuck over Hyunbin." 

"If they do I'll personally hire a hitman," Beomgyu stated. 

Although the online writing that he had recently found was short in chapters, and barely had been started. Yeonjun was quite literally obsessed with it and he had to show his best friend. 

"I don't even like reading Jun." he had said when Yeonjun asked him to look at it. 

"Please! It is my favourite thing on this entire earth outside of you."

"..... is this your latest special interest."

"Hey, you leave my interests out of this young man."

"SO IT IS"

"Just shut up and read it."

"Ok fine."

Now the two were found on one of the two beds in their shared room on Yeonjun's phone looking at the words in the book. Yeonjun was propped up on his elbows and was leaning close to Beomgyu with excited eyes. It made him so happy whenever Beomgyu would look into or participate in his interests.

"Haven't you already read this?"

"Yea and your point is?"

"My point is I can smell the ramen you ate for lunch-

"Hey!" Yeonjun exclaimed as he hit the floor of the college dorm after being shoved by his friend. 

"Hehe sorry."

"No, you're not." 

"I'm not."

Yeonjun huffed and crossed his arms mumbling a small 'rude' in Beomgyu's direction. 

"You are really similar to Hyunbin by the way," Beomgyu said with his eyes locked on the screen. "Like crazy similar."

"Yeah, I know."

The said character was the same in almost every single way to Yeonjun outside of the fact that Yeonjun had graduated high school last year and now attended college. That's probably why he was so attached and interest in the book in the first place.

Hyunbin lived in Seoul, had a limited friend group, hated most physical affection (while craving it at the same time), and they both felt the same way about love. When he saw that the author had made Hyunbin a hopeless romantic who had strong views on how love was portrayed in the media and how people went about it, and how he had trouble being even the slightest bit rude to even the meanest of people, Yeonjun was shocked, to say the least. It was like he was reading his diary. Not only this but even the events that happened in the character's life were similar as well.

That being said Yeonjun loved the character. Lately, he had been off in his head dreaming about what it would be like if Hyunbin was a real person. He'd like to believe they'd be friends. Yeonjun just wanted to sit down and talk with him, but he knew it was impossible since he didn't exist. 

This was a common occurrence in Yeonjun's life. He'd read a book or watch a movie and become obsessed with different characters in plots. It helped him escape his reality. It made life much easier to deal with and he loved the buzzing feeling his fantasies about different fictions gave him. In 5th grade, he was obsessed with Harry Potter and would go around the house shouting different spells with a wooden stick from his backyard in hand. He had also provided an entire 4-page essay on why Draco Malfoy would have been a good guy if he had been norm into a different family to his English teacher at the time.

He doesn't remember exactly when this started, but it was around somewhere when he was 8. At the time he had just been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and sensory processing disorder. He had constant therapy and doctor appointments and felt like the world was always trying to fix him. So eventually he turned to books. Books didn't try to fix him, and most of the time it had characters to who he could relate on some level, so it became a safe space for him. 

This character Hyunbin however, almost seemed too real. It was like the words describing him were lined with ting mirrors. He had never felt so understood before and all he wanted to do was tell Hyunbin that he wasn't alone in his thoughts. It upset him that he would never get to meet him in real life. It was almost like a hard punch from reality that told him "wake up".

"This is good Hyung. If you send me the link I'll read the last two chapters later tonight."

"Really?!"

"Mhm... wait this is your phone I'll just send it to myself."

"Okay."

"Also I like that Sam guy that Hyunbin is friends with."

"Yeah me too. I hope he breaks up with his girlfriend though"

"Same, she seems kind of manipulative... By the way, do you know what this whole 'incident' of his is?"

"Nope. I've been trying to figure it out I'm thinking maybe something with his Dad, or maybe rumours went around about him and he like shut down or something, or he got into a car accident and like almost died."

"Really? I was thinking he ran away or like got his girlfriend pregnant."

"Ehh I don't think so. I feel like the author would have mentioned if Sam was a father."

"Ah true."

"What if he murdered someone-"

"I seriously doubt Hyunbin would be best friends with a murder Jun"

"Hey, you never know."


	5. Chapter 5

**(chapter includes sensitive topics)**

"Ouch!" 

"I'm sorry it didn't mean to do it that deep," Soobin said in a panic.

"It's ok Hyungie chillax, I expected it to hurt."

Soobin pouted, he knew that pain was expected, but he still felt bad. He was currently was permanently inking a small penguin on the side of Huening Kai's wrist with a needle and ink he had gotten off of Amazon.

"I never expected you to be the type of person to do stick n pokes."

"Really? Why not?"

"I dunno... you just seem too innocent for it." Kai chuckled. 

"Innocent? How am I innocent?"

Huening glared up at Soobin. "Name one bad thing you have done."

"I once got sent to the principal's office for forging my mom's signature."

"Recently?"

"No, 6th grade."

"Doesn't count them, everyone forges in middle school."

Soobin laughed and put the needle down, then wiped Huening's wrist off.

"I think I'm done."

Huening clapped and looked down at his wrist. "Oh my God, it's so cute!!! Thank you!!"

"Mhm, no problem."

"Do you have any?"

Soobin nodded lightly as he started cleaning up the mess he had scattered on his friend's floor.

"Really?? Can I see?"

Soobin didn't verbally respond, he just stuck his left arm out in Kai's direction while wiping away a small spot of ink he got on the wooden floor. Kai smiled and pulled up the sleeve of the thin black cardigan the senior wore over his school uniform every day. His mouth dropped. The entirety of Soobin's forearm was lined with different neatly done stick n poke tattoos that looked like they had been done by a professional. On the inside was a cartoon ufo picking up a tiny human, some swirly line that looked like it was supposed to mean something, a detailed tarot card labeled "the lovers", and a little ghost taking a bath in a tiny jar filled with stars. Then he turned his arm around to the other side to see a big scorpion converted in flowers holding a constellation of stars.

"Dude, what the fuck? How come you never told me about these?"

"You never asked. I also have them on my legs."

"I should have."

Kai pulled Soobin's arms close to his face and looked at the tattoos closer. He couldn't wrap his head around the idea that the precious boy that he loved to baby was actually super cool and crazy talented. 

The closer he looked the more he noticed about Soobin's arm, specifically how the thin and thick black lines and designs were covering white scars of different lengths in sizes.

Kai got quiet. "When did you do these?" 

Soobin turned around thinking he was talking about one of the tattoos "which ones- oh. Those? I did them freshman year. I haven't done any since though."

"Why did you... Why?"

"I don't know I didn't feel like living at the time if I'm being honest." Soobin mumble

"How come I didn't know about it."

"As I said- haven't felt that way since Freshman year. Plus I didn't think you'd want to know," he said casually. 

"What gave you that idea?"

"You seem uncomfortable every time we've talked about something deep."

"Cause I thought you were uncomfortable about that kind of stuff...."

Soobin sat there trying to process what the other said. Kai thought he was uncomfortable with talking about that kind of stuff? The words "Do I come off that way? Does he think I don't want to bother talking about things that trouble him? Am I a bad friend?" ran through his head.

"Oh well, I'm fine with it."

"I am too."

They sat there awkwardly in silence for a few minutes. 

"You know I care about you right? I know I usually don't do anything to show it, but I love you Soobin, you are one of the most genuine and sweet people I know, and I'm sorry If I ever made you feel like you weren't. You can talk to me about the stuff you are going through, it won't make me uncomfortable."

Soobin started down at his fingers and picked at his nails. He's never heard Huening Kai be so serious before and it honestly intimated him. Especially since what he was telling him was something that he rarely got to hear. 

He felt loved.

Soobin leaned over suddenly and wrapped his arms around Heuning Kai's neck. "Thank you Ningning. I love you too"

The younger was quite shocked since his Hyung had never initiated any type of kinship with him before and now he was acting like a human Koala. 

"Of course Hyung... Wait, are you crying?"

"Shut up or I'll never hug you again."

"Okay okay," Kai said rubbing Soobins back.

Soobin was weird. He hated physical affection but every time that someone showed love to him, he'd be brought to tears with the strong urge to holding them right within his arms and never let go. He'd just be overwhelmed by the idea of someone caring about him inside a world of cruel and selfish people, that it would diminish any of his worries and sadnesses.

"You should hang out more... It's ridiculous that this is the first time you've come over."

Soobin unleashed Kai from his arms and shyly rubbed his face and eyes to get rid of his tears. "Yeah, we should."

Kai smiled and interlocked his fingers with Soobin. "Now tell me about that boy you said like."

For the next hour, Kai let Soobin go on and on about how badly he liked Daehwan while he played with his hair and squished his cheeks. With blushes and giggles, he'd tell him about how Daehwan had finally broken up with his overbearing long-distance girlfriend, how the two had been falling asleep on face time together every day for a week, and Daehwan had been holding his hand in the hallways and kissing his forehead on the bus as well, so he made sure to not leave it out.

"He says since I came along that he doesn't want to label his sexuality anymore."

"Oh my God, you changed his orientation. You got a straight boy, that's a power move!"

"Well, we aren't dating yet. So technology not. We decided we want to take it slow."

You see, A few days ago Soobin had been in a state of panic. He was so overwhelmed with the whole Daehwan situation that he was curled up in a ball crying while listening to cheesy sad songs. He was scared too because of how fast every started happening. It was like Daehwan broke up with his girlfriend and then suddenly began to send him love bombs. He also kept wondering "What if he doesn't like me? What if he's leading me on? What if we end up like Taehyun and Yuna?" yes he liked Daehwan very much, and yes he has shown that he liked him back in many different ways, but none of them were a direct and verbal "I like you." Which was unfortunately the only thing that would keep Soobin from worrying so much. He had discovered that he didn't know how to read between the lines when it came to love within the past week. 

So with trembling hands and tear cheeks, Soobin picked up his phone and opened the Snapchat app

Soobin🌸🌼: hey, can I ask you something?

Immediately after pressing the send button Soobin threw his phone across his bed and clutched his chest. His heart was beating so fast. And he could barely breathe. "It's just a stupid question."

Amid his panic, he heard the familiar ding of snap chat.

"Oh god"

He crawled over on his hands and knees to his phone expecting the worse.

Daehwan🐸: sure baby, what is it?  
Soobin🌸🌼: well umm. I was kind of overthinking and I know it's really dumb, but I just wanted to know what your feelings towards me are If that's okay.   
Daehwan🐸: do you want long and mushy-gushy, or just simple?  
Soobin🌸🌼: simple please, but either is fine  
Daehwan🐸: well I know that I've never liked anyone as much as I like you. So please don't overthink.   
Soobin🌸🌼: thank you  
Daehwan🐸: you're welcome bunny~

Soobin remembers cry in even harder after his and Daehwan's conversation from relief. Later they called and talked further about Soobin's worries and decided that going slow was a good idea for them.

"He seems sweet, I approve." clapped Huening Kai.


	6. Chapter 6

Yeonjun trudged into his shared dorm and dramatically flopped onto the floor with his phone clutched in hand. 

Beomgyu, who had been studying in a pile of papers and books didn't even look up, as he was used to this. He rolled his eyes with a tiny laugh and a shake of the head

"What? Did that Professor give you another essay or something?"

"No, he said I can't psychoanalyze Charlie from perks of being a wallflower for extra credit. And @choibinbin hasn't uploaded a new chapter in two days" he stuck his head up and held out two fingers. "TWO FRICKING DAYS BEOMGYU... and Sam just came back from his 3 weeks in Daegu in the last chapter. How am I suppose to go without knowing the tea from Daegu for THAT long?!?!?"

"What happens in Daegu stays in Daegu, my child." Beomgyu tsked. "Just breath, they'll probably update soon."

Yeonjun rolled over on his back and put a hand up "Let me be dramatic."

If we are being honest, most people didn't know about the side of Yeonjun. He was one of the people who were dead silent in public and around people they didn't know, just to later go home and explode in a jumble of words to the people they lived with. He'd bottle up all his energy (which was a lot) throughout the day, then he would arrive at the dorm and start performing girl group dances and quoting the entirety of 'The Bee Movie' until Beomgyu threw pillows at him, begging him to calm down, which would only lead to Yeonjun jumping up and down around Beomgyu who would be trying to work, telling him all about different conspiracy theories.

"I literally let you be dramatic all day."

"But Beomgyuuuuuuuuu~ I'm dyingggg" he said while shaking the younger's entire body back and forth via shoulders "Literally this is worse than world war three happening."

"Aish sometimes I wonder why I am your friend." Beomgyu laughed as he pushed him away. 

It not like Beomgyu's had a choice though. He and Yeonjun had met when they were barely toddlers due to their families living next to each other. And they went to daycare together, then preschool, then kindergarten, and then elementary and middle school. Yeonjun however began being homeschooled his freshman year due to his sensory issues. It had gotten to the point where dealing with the bright lights of classrooms, and the loud voices of students and teachers would lead to a phone call to his parents begging to go home every day. Home school was just easier. 

Yeonjun leaving public high school however didn't stop Beomgyu from coming over every day to make kraft mac and cheese while talking about how much high school sucked and how he wished Yeonjun was there with him. During senior year Beomgyu even ditched his prom date to have a movie marathon at his friend's. And honestly, the only reason Yeonjun can handle college now is that he gets to live with Beomgyu full time. He still hadn't made any friends around campus though, Beomgyu kept telling him it was because he had a major resting bitch face and a 'haunting' aura, but he absolutely refuses to believe that he came across as intimidating when he couldn't even kill the fly that landed on him earlier that week. 

"I am your friend because you love me and I keep you from stupid things." 

"True that."

After an hour of his daily "after class blow up," Yeonjun left his friend alone to do his work for his poetry class, which left Beomgyu, who managed to somehow finish studying while hearing about the plot of the Broadway show 'Newsies' from Yeonjun, to lean against the wall while he responded to texts.

✨Yunanana✨: your dad wants to know if you are still coming over for your birthday.   
Beom🐻: yepppp I don't have any classes over that weekend so I should be good!  
✨Yunanana✨: still bringing Yeonjun?  
Beom🐻: duhhhhh  
✨Yunanana✨: okkk

Beomgyu's birthday was in a little less than a month, and he would be driving to Seoul (his college was just barely outside of it, but his family lived on the other side) two days before, and staying until 3 days after. He was always so swamped with school that he couldn't visit as much as he would want to, so he had been counting down the days till he could visit. He was also glad that it would force Yeonjun into socializing with someone outside himself and his books. Cause being that boy's only friend, was very exhausting if he were to tell the truth. Maybe Yeonjun would become closer with Yuna and he wouldn't have to complain about being lonely as much? Yuna was nice enough so it wasn'ttoo far-fetched. 

Yuna was his cousin, but they acted like siblings because Yuna had been living with Beomgyu's parents, aka her Aunt and Uncle since she got taken away from her Mom who suddenly decided that she wasn't going to pay for Yuna's basic needs anymore. This happened sometime 2 years ago, and for a while after Yuna became someone who would get into lots of trouble. She messed around with drugs and alcohol, she treated others poorly, cheated on the guys she dated, and got many detentions at school. Eventually, Beomgyu and her got into a giant fight after some guy she had been dating broke up with her. Beomgyu called her out on all her shit and insisted she started going to therapy before she ended up in jail or dropping out of high school. 

Since then she has made a lot of progress since and even managed to get back together with that boy that broke up with her, and from what Beomgyu's heard, they seem happy and he helps her a lot with her mental health and general well being. 

Ever though Yuna is completely and utter hot mess most of the time, Beomgyu still misses her. Mostly because of their iconic super smash bro's tournaments where she would be Jiggly puff and he would be Kirby. They were known as the "pink blob duo" in their household and all he wanted to do right now was to throw Pac man off a cliff with her again. Even if they did get into fights every time they played.

"And death to you." she'd say everytime she would do a final smash on an opponent, causing them to both laugh as they watch the character fly off the screen.

Beomgyu continued texting Yund about how her days was when he suddenly heard Yeonjun talking at a seahorse plushie. 

"You know what seahorse? Fuck gender. What even is it? A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT. Like you could call me Noona and I probably wouldn't care. Also what's up with the whole 'guys can't be feminine thing?'. That's dumb. I would rock I crop-top. Also what if I dye my hair pink?" 

"Noona you should dye your hair pink." Beomgyu interjected from across the room with a playful smirk.

He knew Yeonjun was off in his own world once again, God knows what was going through his head, cause he seemed like he hadn't even remembered Beomgyu was in the room until he spoke.

"Huh.... so I do like to be called Noona," Yeonjun said and raised a hand. "Princess Bubble Gum Yeonjun Noona is me, I am her, we are the same. Thank you, thank you, you may all be seated."

"Please shut up."

"It's 'Please shut up Princess Bubble Gum Yeonjun Noona' to you." 

"Just shut up."

——  
Later that night Yeonjun decided that he was going to dye his hair pink to "kick the gender norms in the knee caps" and to fit his new "Princess Bubble Gum Yeonjun Noona" title, so he went to the drug store and purchased probably the worst and most cheap brand of dye he could.

He now was found sitting in the dorm bathroom with his hair slathered in a bright pink mixture in the form of a mohawk reading the new update of @choibinbin's book that finally came out. 

"What the hell??!?!? He half screamed while reading.

"What?" Asked Beomgyu who was sitting on the bathroom counter with stained pink hands. 

"Jaeho is tOTALLY on my bad side."

"What he do?"

"Hyunbin went over his house and he tried to make a ~move~ on him, aka started kissing his neck and putting his hands up his shit. When he knows Hyunbin is hella insecure about his stomach. Hyunbin even said he felt uncomfortable and he tried to pressure him into it. And you know what Hyunbin did after he backed off? Convinced himself that it was because Jaeho liked him a lot so he forgave him!!"

"Wow, I actually hate him now thanks."

"Same!!! He didn't even kiss him first either. He just went straight into trying to give him hickies!!" Yeonjun exclaimed in horror. "I guess it's kinda good though since the author mentioned Hyunbin hasn't had his first kiss yet and I don't want that dish soap rag to be his first."

"You are WAY too into this book."

"I don't care. If I manifest hard enough Hyunbin will show up in real life and I can kith his little stick n pokes after I get CLEAR consent from him since I know he doesn't like to be touched much."

Beomgyu sat with his mouth hanging down. "Jun you desperately need a boyfriend. This whole falling in love with the main character of every book you read is fricking weird"

"I never said I'd do it romantically!! My love for Hyunbin is 100% platonic bro energy."

"Ok, whatever. Its time to wash out your hair get over here."

As the ice-cold water from the sink touched his scalp Yeonjun shrieked.

"Oh be quiet you big baby."

"Says the person who cried over finding Nemo."

"You agreed we wouldn't bring that up again!!!!"

"You have no proof!"


	7. Chapter 7

Lately, Soobin hadn't been feeling too well. Ever since Taehyun came back from Daegu 3 weeks ago he had a constant swirl in the bottom of his stomach and at the back of his throat, he also seemed a lot more anxious, weak, and shaky than normal. 

When getting ready for school he had gone into the bathroom and gripped onto the edge of the brown and white counter with all his might when a wave of dizziness came over him. His vision began to splatter with tiny black and purple dots and his head had felt like it was spinning off his neck. He looked up at the mirror on the wall and a pale face stared back at him and then nausea swept over his body. It felt like when you'd stand up too fast and your vision would go black for a few seconds, except it wasn't stopping. And that's all he could remember.

Later he woke up sitting in a small hospital bed and his Mom told him how Chibin had found him passed out on the floor after he went into the bathroom looking for his shoes. Apparently, He had knocked his head on the counter and gave himself a giant bruise on the left of his forehead that swelled down to his eye. and he was sporting a nasty split eyebrow that would most definitely leave a scar. Luckily though he didn't have a concussion.

The Doctor said too much stress had caused his migraines, and nausea and dizziness were from a lack of vitamins and nutrients. The old man also tried to ask Soobin if he was purposely not eating enough but he immediately said no. He ate fine.

"Soobin you eat the same thing every day. You can tell us if something is wrong. We can't help unless you tell us the truth." His mom said seriously. 

"What? Nothing- nothing is wrong with me. I'm just a picky eater, and you know that." 

Yes everyone knew that. He usually wouldn't even eat dinner with his family every night because he wouldn't even want to try what his mom had cooked. 

"Yes, but eating only quinoa and granola bars are a bit extreme. Even for you."

"What else am I suppose to eat then?"

"Well," said the Doctor. "A meal plan will be made for you and you will be following it until both your weight and vitamins come up."

Soobin's heart dropped. What he heard sent him in an automatic shut down. He refused to follow that plan. Someone controlling his food intake was possibly one of the worst things that could be happening to him. He has a specific way of eating and preparing food that he had grown very accustomed to and he hated the idea of that being taken away. It was such a necessary routine for him.  
He wouldn't even eat eggs if he knew they had been cooked in butter. 

Soobin no longer wished he was in the room. The ceiling lights were too bright and hurt his eyes, and the weird hospital smell became way too noticeable and strong for him. It was all he could focus on.

Soobin pulled his legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Loud ringing filled his ears and it felt like he was trapped underneath boiling hot water. 

"I'm not going to follow the plan."

"Soobin you don't exactly have a choice. You almost cracked your skull open today." His mother said placing a hand on his shoulder.

Soobin jerked to the side and glared at his mom's hand. He definitely didn't want to be touched right now. Just that one simple touch had felt like a thousand bee stings.

"You can't force me, I'm not a baby anymore. I'm literally 18."

"You still live under our house."

"But Mom-" he said before a tear fell down his cheek. "I'm fine. I can eat better without it. Just don't make me do the plan, please."

"We already set up an appointment with a nutritionist."

"Nooooo, you have to cancel it"

The next thing he knew the machine he hadn't realized was connected to him started beeping loudly to show his increasing heart rate.

"Soobin you are going to worry the nurses, stop being dramatic."

Her words echoed and bounced against the inside of his skull and swam down to his stomach. He felt like he had no control and it was overwhelming him. 

"Stop! Don't touch me!" Flailed Soobin when a nurse attempted to pull off the hand he had been death gripping his shin with. 

"Leave me alone! I want to be alone! Let me be alone!" He suddenly shrieked at the woman with fat tears cascading so fast down his face that he could barely see. 

All his senses had become 100 times stronger and the air in the room was hurting his lungs.

"Soobin!!" His mom half yelled. "You are acting like a child!"

"Why are you touching me?! Stop!" He cried and begged while yanking his arm back with all his strength sending his hand straight towards his face to collide with it.

"Ah!" He shouted in pain. 

His cheekbone pulsed and burned against his hand which was now cupping the side of his face.

"Stop touching him" 

"But sir he could hurt himself."

"He already has hurt himself. I said stop touching him."

Soobin honestly couldn't tell who was speaking, he was too busy hyper-focusing on how many people had invaded his personal space within the past 3 minutes.

"Shhhh, shhh, it okay. Calm down Soobin."

Soobin quickly shot his head over to see his Dad and looked at him with terrified eyes.

"Dad it's loud." He whaled and started speaking like a broken record. "It's so loud. So loud. It's loud. Really loud. Very loud. You know it's loud Dad?"

"Yes, it's loud." Nodded His Dad. "How bout you listen to some music with some headphones for a little bit okay? Would that make you feel better?"

Soobin hiccuped and breathed in what sounded like a strong gasp as he tried to calm down. Hesitantly he nodded without looking up. "W-wanna listen."

"Ok we'll get some music going the," he said as he untangling a pair of headphones that Soobin's Mom had gotten out of her purse and connected them to his Phone.

"I only know about bts, is ok if you listen to them?" 

Soobin typically doesn't ever listen to them, but he could care less in the situation he was in. After getting a tiny nod and a 'yes' between exaggerated breaths his Dad placed the headphones into his ears and pried his clenched fists open to give him the phone. The world instantly felt calmer within Soobin's mind as pretty voices and lyrics flooded into his ears. 

"Why are my eyes filled with tears?

Hey, stay by my side and laugh

A future without you is a world without colour

Filled with monochrome and colds

Even the darkness we see is so beautiful 

Please believe me 

Looking only directly at you

So you don't go away."

Soobin leaned back in the bed and closed his eyes. 

He could breathe again. 

——-

1\. Obsessive-compulsive disorder

2\. Autism spectrum disorder (including sensory processing disorder)

3\. Panic disorder 

Soobin left the hospital yesterday with these three diagnoses planted deep within his brain. 

He knew he was odd. But he never knew he was autistic.

"I don't think it's such a bad thing Soobin," Taehyun said.

"I am autistic. How could that possibly be good." 

"It's not like you've changed. You're still the same person you were a week ago, autistic or not."

"Yeah, I guess that's true," Soobin mumbled.

"Yuna said her cousin's friend also has it. She told me that she could introduce him to you if you want. It could help you to not feel so alone if you talk to him. He's getting his major in literature too so you guys can also talk about books and writing!!! You like those Soobie."

"What if he thinks I'm weird..."

Taehyun sighed and looked up at his friend who was sitting above him on his bed while picking and playing with a loose string on the pillow in his lap. 

"I don't think he-"

"No, he will. Everyone thinks I am." 

"I don't"

"You're only saying thaat ebcause you're my best friend. Yuna didn't even want to be in the same room as me up until 5 months ago. And you're one of the only people who seem to give two shits about me."

"That didn't have to do with anything about you as a person. You know why she didn't want to hang out with you."

"But I don't even know this guy. I'll be so awkward with him."

"You don't know that. Anything could happen. You might even end up having a crush on him!"

"I like Daehwan."

"Right... you two are pretty serious right now right?"

"Mhm, he's planning to take me on a date and he gave me his sweater."

Although this was true, Daehwan had recently become weird with Soobin. He was partially in denial about it, but he couldn't ignore how they went from daily face-timing to not being called by the usual "baby" in their good morning texts that were getting less and less frequent.

"He must just be tired." or "Maybe he doesn't feel good." Soobin would tell himself. After all, Soobin trusted Daehwan with his entire being. How could the boy he liked do him wrong? Daehwan had even told him that he thought he was slowly falling in love with him a week or two ago . He had gone on and on about how much he liked him. And Soobin blindly believed every word since he only ever saw the best in him

Soobin had just barely grasped onto his first love and he wasn't ready to admit that he knew that it was all crumbling within his fingertips. He was pretty sure he had managed to fall in love with Dae in a short 2 month time span and didn't want to see him go so fast. They were barely getting to know each other, it couldn't already be over.

"When are you going to start dating?"

"I don't know... I'm waiting for him to ask."

If he asks.

"Why don't you just ask him."

"I'm afraid he'll say no."

Taehyun furrowed his eyebrows. Something seemed off to him. "Why would he say no?"

"Why would he say yes?"

Taehyun had never seen Soobin romantically involved with someone before. He'd never even heard of him having a crush before Daehwan. He knew he had a few small meaningless relationships with girls in middle school, but that's all. Soobin even told him how he didn't have feelings for the girls and how he broke up with one because he thought he was asexual. He obviously wasn't though since he was now very open about being gay. He also remembers hearing about how in 8th grade he said yes to dating a girl named Rai simply based on the fact that he didn't know how to reject her, which led him to be stuck in a 6-month relationship that was covered in awkwardness. And Soobin had made it very clear that he wasn't interested in romance (although he secretly was), so Taehyun was surprised when he found out about him and Daehwan. And sitting there watching him be so insecure over a boy quite literally blew his mind. 

"If he truly likes you he'd say yes. So don't overthink it."

Daehwan was so were and confusing that Soobin honestly didn't even know if he did or not anymore.

"I'm not taking any chances."


	8. Chapter 8

Tall and shy, hiding behind a hoodie that almost reached the knees, faded blue hair, a black and blue cheek and forehead, shining bright innocent eyes, and a gentle exterior.

The other mysterious and alluring with an intense gaze, silver piercings and necklaces, pouty lips, pink hair reaching past the ears, arms exposed by a white sleeveless shirt, and legs held by tight grey ripped jeans.

The two stood face to face.

"Hi" whispered the first, his feet glued to the ground with the second examining his face. 

"Hi." He said back at a slightly louder volume, but with the same level of uncertainty.

He could see how that the boy in front of him was messing with the ends of the sweater and how he had been shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He was nervous. He understood, of course, he wasn't the best at meeting people either, not because of some deep-rooted anxieties, but because he simply preferred not to since he didn't vibe with most people on a level that made him want to super social, which had unfortunately caused him to not exactly know how to talk to people in a normal fashion. But The boy standing in front of him, however, was obviously someone who valued the opinions of others so much that he would worry himself to death in any situation involving new people.

"I'm Yeonjun."

"Soobin."

"So... you got diagnosed."

"Yea..."

"...That's good" 

Soobin nodded and shoved his hands in his hoodie pocket and puffed air into his mouth, puffing his cheeks out. He did this when he felt anxious or uncomfortable. He was starting to think that maybe meeting Yuna's cousin's friend was a bad idea. He had been hesitant about the whole idea, especially in the car ride to Yuna's, but he had promised Taehyun that he would at least try and meet the boy.

"I uh- I brought some things for you," Yeonjun said awkwardly before digging into the bag he had set on the couch and later he held his hands out with several tiny items.

Soobin looked up and gave a confused look before asking a small "what are they?"

"Well, they're fidgeting toys for when you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed. It keeps your mind off things." 

"Ooohh"

"Here." Said yeonjun before placing one of the toys in Soobin's palm. "I think you'll like this one."

Soobin looked up at the other again before slowly looking back down at the object. It was a round, white ball made out of plastic with several holes, buttons, and switches. He spun it in his hand a few times as if he was examining it before he pressed down one of the neon buttons. A clicking sound filled the room milliseconds after. 

"Do you like it?" 

Soobin smiled. He did. The clicking noise from the little button had sent shivers and tingles down his spine and made him feel excited. 

"Mhm."

"Here try these then"

Soobin then went through various different toys. Some made noises, some had funky colours, others were squishy, and one even had the consistency of both sand and clay.

"No, they are yours." Yeonjun insisted when Soobin tried to hand them back. "I bought them for you."

"What? Why did you spend money on me? And I can't take them all. Don't you want some?"

"Because I wanted to, " He smiled. "Taehyun and Yuna told me what happened at the hospital and I recognized it as a sensory overload attack. Most people on the spectrum get them too, so it's completely normal. You'll probably want them in case it ever happens again. And don't worry I already have plenty of them."

"Okay.... are you sure?"

"Yes yes, I am sure."

"Ok thank you, Hyung."

As Soobin set the toys down on the couch Yeonjun began to try and make small talk (even though he hated it).

"Yuna said you like reading. Do you like Harry Potter?"

Soobin laughed "C'mon it's a classic, who doesn't like Harry Potter?"

"So you do?

"Yes, Luna Lovegood is my favourite Character."

"Really? Mine too! What's your house."

"Hufflepuff" 

"Oh, I'm Slytherin." 

"You don't seem like one though."

"Now that's because my nose is fully intact and I don't have platinum blonde hair."

"But it is pink though"

"Yeah, and yours is blue- wouldn't that make you a Ravenclaw?"

"No, I'm too bad at math for that."

Yeonjun giggled "Me too! What's the point in it if you could just use a calculator."

"Exactly!!! I've been saying that since 2nd grade!!"

Soon after bonding over how bad math was, Soobin and Yeonjun began to loosen up to each other. They had exchanged their favourite book titles, and briefly discussed how they both liked to write before they were found hysterically laughing over how bad the Percy Jackson movies were in a jumble of pillows and blankets on the floor. They also had discovered that they both knew and were friends with Huening Kai. 

"Wait Huening Kai as in the Leo Huening Kai? Half white?"

"Yes, the wasian."

"How do you know him?"

"We used to go to summer camp together. We haven't talked in a few years though. We kind of lost touch."

"I could try and get us all to hang out sometime if you want?"

"Really? You would do that?"

"Mhm, of course, I would!"

The rest of the few hours that they had together before Taehyun and Yuna came back from their date consisted of lame jokes, various stories, exchanging of numbers and social media, baking cookies that neither of them ended up eating since they were burned, and a rundown of what all it meant to have Autism. Soobin felt a lot better knowing more about it now. And It didn't seem like such a bad thing anymore since Yeonjun made sure to explain it best he could. 

"Make sure to send me the link to that book you're reading!"

"I will! Don't forget to FaceTime me!" 

"I won't" 

"Okay bye!"

"Bye!"

"I'll miss you!

"I'll miss you more!"

"Ok bye again"

"Byeeeee"

"Ok that's enough~," said Taehyun as he pushed Soobin into the passenger seat of his car.

"Thank you for forcing me to meet him. He's really nice."

"I'm kind of regretting it now though, y'all are gonna become THOSE friends, I can feel it in my blood. I'm calling it now."

Soobin didn't know what Taehyun meant by that but what he did know is that he really should have Hugged Yeonjun Goodbye. He seemed like he gave good hugs. The kind of hugs that were from people you cared about when you were going through a hard time.

Yeonjun looked soft and cuddly too, and even though Soobin never cuddled people (outside of Daehwan a few times), he had the strong urge to lay his head in his lap or to let the older rest his on his shoulder. It just felt right. Maybe it's because Yeonjun never actually tried to initiate or force any physical contact onto him that made him crave it. Or maybe it was his caring aura. Almost the entire night Soobin had felt like he was genuinely being listened to and that he was finally being understood by someone.

Yeonjun made him feel happy today.


	9. Chapter 9

!!!!!!Includes mentions of sexual assault. Please don't read if it makes you uncomfortable or upset!!!!!  
———

Today was Soobin's first day back at school since fainting Thursday. Now being Tuesday he sat in the back of his Mom's car staring out the window with music pulsating through his ears as he lightly poked his cheek that was painted with a now green and brown bruise. Honestly, he doesn't actually remember hitting himself in the face during his meltdown at the hospital, but his Dad said he had done it pretty hard trying to get away from that un-expecting nurse. At least it wasn't as bad as the still black one on his forehead and eyebrow. Whenever he had gotten home, he had stared at himself for a good 5 minutes taking it in. It quite honestly looked like someone needed to call child protective services. 

Trees flew by the tinted window as he began to think about what had happened the day before.

He remembers receiving a call from Daehwan, it had been the first in days, and Soobin had been so excited cause he thought maybe he was finally getting out of whatever weird funk he had been in for the last week or two that had been causing him to avoid him. He had even called him 'baby' when asking him to do come over 'right this second'.

This excitement quickly diminished though. The little bubbles of joy within him had began to pop every minute after arriving to the boy's house. And it only took about ten minutes into being over for Soobin wanted to leave.

Sitting in the car now he could still feel the sensations of Daehwan's cold hands sliding up his shirt and his wet lips that were biting at his collar bones. And he distinctly remembers the gross smell of alcohol radiating off him as he caged his body in his own. 

"Dae... I'm not- I don't think I'm re-

"Shhh, it'll be fine."

Soobin had swallowed the growing lump in his throat and turned his head to the side to look at the blank tv upon Daehwan's wall. Maybe if he'd just lay there it really would 'be fine'.

Situations like this one had happened a few times before. Daehwan would push Soobin onto his bed or pull him onto his lap and start kissing his ears and toying with the waist of his pants. The normal thing a hormonal teenager would do to the person they were talking to. But every time Soobin had just awkwardly pushed his hands off and said he had felt uncomfortable or he that he wasn't ready, leading to an annoyed or even angry Daehwan. 

Soobin scrunched his eyes closed and tried to focus on something else, he really didn't want to tell the younger no again, but when he began to feel the lips that were once on his collar bones move down to his stomach, a raging panic fled through his core. Every once of those little kissing had felt like a burn on his soft skin.

"We should stop..."he mumbled as he tried to move rough Daehwan's hands from under his shirt. 

He never liked to be touched on his stomache. Something about it made him feel so vulnerable and insecure. Most of the time he didn't even want people to see it. 

Thinking back to it, he remembered how badly he had needed his hands away from that era withing that moment.

He had even thought Daehwan had finally backed off before he suddenly felt the sensation of his wrists being pinned above his head on the soft fabric of the pillows.

"Daehwan. What are you- can't we just cuddle instead?" he had pleaded before the said male roughly grabbed his jaw and forced him to look into his eyes.

"If you really liked me you'll let me do this with me."

A wave of guilt chilled his aching bones. 

He was right. 

Soobin was always talking about how much he liked the younger and how much he wish he'd just ask him out already, so he should just be giving him what he wants. 

"sorry." He whispered in shame. 

"Good boy."

His wrists then had been released and the harsh ha tond left his chin. 

Soobin shivered as he thought about it. He really had let Daehwan take his virginity and first kiss all in one night. He should be happy but why did thinking about it make him feel so nervous? He had always imagined his first time being in a warm room, filled with rose petals and candles, soft music within the background. Wouldn't that have made him more nervous than just doing it in Daehwan's room did?

"You're my boyfriend now." Said Daehwan happily after he had finished with Soobin. 

Soobin began to feel numb the second he had sAid that. He got his first boyfriend, but there were no butterflies in his stomach like everyone said there'd be.

"I'm so proud of you Soobin! I can't believe you're finally dating someone!" Exclaimed his mother from the front of the car.

She was so excited for her kid that she had offered to drive Soobin's to school to hear more about it. Soobin had only agreed because the thought of seeing the said new boyfriend sent chills down his spine. He didn't know why though.

"Thanks, mom..." he said shyly, still looking out the window. 

''Sound more excited'' he yelled to himself inside his mind "you like him remember!"

"I really like him, I think we're going to stay together for a while." He said with a new smile plastered on his face.

"Good for you!"

"Yeah..."

Honestly sometimes he didn't know how to talk with his Mom. They were very close, but it was like she had several different personalities living within her.

When he was a kid she used to get angry and frustrated a lot, probably cause she was sick, and she used to screamed at Soobin everyday. But then she'd have random days where she was all sunshine and rainbows and joking. He began to get that version of he more and more s he grew up, causing them to be closer.

Thinking about this, Soobin looked down at his phone and found a recent text.

Yeonjun💕🥰: hi bunny!!!! I hope you have a good day at school today!! Don't stress yourself out too much!!

"Ooo Is that him?" His mom asked leaning over to look and He quickly locked his phone and turned it over. She felt to close to him.

"Hahaha yeah."

Obviously it wasn't. But he didn't want to explain to her how his pink haired friend would send him wholesome good morning messages everyday and night with out expecting any in return.

She might think Yeonjun was interested in him (which he's not) if he did. And that's not a conversation he wanted to have right after teller her about his new relationship. 

Thats why he didn't respond until later when he was at lunch (which was just the lunch room) for the day. 

Soobin🌸🌼: Ah thank you hyunggie!   
Soobin🌸🌼: sorry it took so long to respond, I hope you have a good day too!!  
Soobin🌸🌼: I'll facetime you when I get home okay???  
Yeonjun💕🥺: no worries~ I know you're busy with school and everything, and sounds good^-^

"Oh my gosh, what happened to your face?" Asked the librarian from behind him.

Soobin jumped and almost dropped his phone. She came out of nowhere. 

"Oh um... I fainted and hit my head haha." He said while awkwardly rubbing his neck.

"Oh, dear! It must have been because you're don't eat enough, look at how skinny you are!"

Soobin looked down at his legs hearing this. He was skinny. Really skinny in fact. And it didn't help that he was freakishly tall either. And he hated when people pointed it out. He didn't exactly like to be reminded about how his ribs would poke out every time he saw himself in the mirror.

Not realizing how uncomfortable she had made Soobin, the lady continued to lecture him about his size for a good twenty minutes before he quietly interjected and told her he would be late to class since lunch was ending soon. 

Apparently a lot of people planed on making him uncomfortable today.

"Is that a hickey?" Asked Kai when arriving barely on time to his science class.

"Oh um yeah, I couldn't cover it up this morning."

"Damn you and Daehwan go it on huh?"

Soobin nodded. 

He felt weird. Everything today seemed harder. He felt disconnected from his surroundings and he wished people would stop asking about the bruises on his face. And he didn't feel like having this conversation.

"Tell me about it? How'd it happened? Come on I wanna know." 

Soobin cringed as memories of it jumbled in his mind. 

"Um well, I went over to his house yesterday and it kind of just happened."

"Was it good?

It wasn't if he was being honest. Daehwan had been very rough and almost violent with him the entire time. It wasn't what he expected his first time to be like either. He expected loving looks and interlocked fingers with caring reassurances. But the entire time it felt like he wasn't even being noticed by his new boyfriend. If that even was possible. And the light bruises that lined his hipbones were uncomfortable as well so he still wasn't exactly enjoying it. But he liked Daehwan and he was willing to look past it, it would be better with time.

"Oh yeah, it was good." 

"I can't believe it! You're all grown up." Kai faked cried. 

"Ya! I'm still older than you!"

"But what about my precious innocent child! He's all gone!" He continued.

Soobin didn't think losing his virginity was worth such a big deal. He was still the same person. Even if something within him did feel different and unknown.

"Aish stop it." Soobin laughed as he hit his shoulder. 

Soobin didn't feel like laughing. But he didn't want to worry Huening. So he opted for little smiles and forcing himself to give short responses to his questions until the teacher told everyone to be quiet.

He spent the rest of class staring down at the textbook they were assigned to read. Every time he'd read the paragraphs his mind would turn to mush and he would forget it seconds after. It was like he was trying to read it cross-eyed and it was giving him a headache. He twiddled with one of the little toys Yeonjun gave him Sunday that he brought to school and he zoned out looking at the picture on the page. The toy helped a little but all he wanted to do was go home and sleep until tomorrow. He wouldn't have to feel as much that way. The


	10. Chapter 10

Yeonjun had always been a worrier. It was a natural part of him. His entire family even called him “worry bug” because of it. So when he started noticing this abnormal or different about those he cared for. He got extremely nervous. And as of recently his new subject of anxiety was the new friend he made at Beomgyu's childhood home. They had only been friends for a little over two months now, but he was strangely attached and protective of him. That's why he was so concerned. 

At first, a few days after they first met, he noticed that Soobin began to talk about feeling tired all the time. He had originally dismissed it, seeing as the boy was a high-school student who probably was low on sleep, but he eventually began to wonder how that could even be when he knew the boy would go to bed at 8:30 every night and nap throughout the entire weekend and some of his classes. And there seemed to be a sadness behind the little "I'm just feeling sleepy, don't worry Hyungie" that he would give him almost every single time they called each other.

Then he noticed how he began less and less giggly over the weeks. He used to laugh over everything, but now was it was rare if Yeonjun got him to laugh once within an hour.

Soobin wasn't the only person he had been worrying about either, lately, Beomgyu had been acting strange too.

Ever since visiting Yuna and his parents, his friend begun to sneak out at night, or say he was "going to the library" and not come back until several hours later. And he was constantly on his phone. Which was weird since he used to never be on it unless he was looking something up. Not to mention the sudden interest in cheesy chick flicks and depressing breakup songs either. 

And the author of that book he had been reading was being odd as well. They hadn't uploaded in almost a month now when they used to do so every day. And he remembers how they wrote about Hyunbin and Jaeho starting to date, but they never went into how Hyunbin felt about it or how it ever happened in the first place. And every time they would get into it, it gave Yeonjun a bad feeling that he couldn't quite put a name onto. It was weird since the author had always put into extreme detail about what was going through his head, and it was haunting to see how a character like Hyunbin's thoughts about his first boyfriend was so few in words. It was like the author was as clueless about the character's feelings as he was. It seemed the only thing Yeonjun could actually wrap his head around lately was how the character felt about his new friend Joon who was had been introduced into the story, and if you asked him, he'd much rather prefer it Hyunbin were to date him than Jaeho.

But of course, his main concerns were for Soobin.

"Bunny why are sadddddd?"He whined through the phone.

"I'm notttttt"

"Yes, you are!

"Nuh-uh"

Yeonjun folded his arms and gave Soobin a serious look. 

"I'm not! I swear!!!"

Yeonjun rolled his eyes. He could never get anything out of him anymore, no matter how hard he tried. He didn't want to push Soobin into talking about something he wasn't comfortable sharing, but he was just concerned.

"Ok fine fine fine. How'd your date go?"

"Oh, it was okay."

"Just okay?"

Watching as the boy nodded and messed with the modelling clay he had in his hand, Yeonjun sighed.   
He sat there for another good five minutes watching him twirl and squish the clay before he spoke up again.

"You can talk to me you know? I'm not going to jud-"

"I said I'm fine."

Chills went down Yeonjun's body. He had never heard Soobin use that tone of voice with him before. He was always so gentle and soft-spoken but what he just heard was the complete opposite. 

"I have to do homework. I'll call you later." Soobin said coldly before hanging up, leaving Yeonjun to stare at himself on his now blank phone screen.

Soobin didn't actually have homework. He just had the overpowering urge to rinse his body off again for the third time that day.

He stood in the shower staring at the white-tiled walls as the hot water slightly burned his skin. His life was a mess and he wanted the water and his peach-scented soap and body wash to somehow magically wash away his list problems. 

1\. His grades were slipping and his teachers were angry and frustrated with him.  
2\. His parents were always down his throat about the stupid meal plan he had been forced onto.  
3\. He's been having what Yeonjun called "sensory overload attacks" daily due to said meal plan  
4\. His boyfriend only seemed to love him when he was undressed.   
5\. He's always tired.  
6\. Taehyun and Yuna had been fighting daily and he never got to hear the end of it  
7\. He's beginning to feel like it's freshman year again  
8\. Yeonjun knew too much  
9\. He keeps fighting with his parents about what will happen after graduation   
10\. Love isn't at all what he thought it was

Ten problems on the list.

Ten problems that made Soobin not want to get out of bed in the morning. And Ten reasons as to why he doesn't want to be Soobin anymore. Being Soobin was so tiring. He wishes he could just take off his skin and just replace it with someone else's. And lately, he had the constant image of him standing in a room filled with millions of people and he was trapped in the center within a Glass box screaming his lungs out. And all the people did was watching him fall apart with no one thinking to help. And he had no control over it. The image rarely left his mind.

It gave him Deja vu. It was like this freshman year all over again. The same numbing feeling that never left, the same cold and crushing feeling that everyone around him hated his guts, and the same exhaustion that came with every second of the day. And they all blurred together.

He knows he should tell someone. But he doesn't want to worry anybody. 

He couldn't tell Taehyun. He doesn't think he'd be able to handle that after the 'incident'.

He can't tell Kai. Kai would tell his parents.

He can't tell his parents because they'll just send him to a therapist or somewhere for crazy people.

And he can't tell Yeonjun because he doesn't want to see the look he'll give him. The same look he gives him all of the time, just without the usual shining happiness within them. Yeonjun cares too much and he knows telling him will just make him sad and worried. And Soobin hopes he never has to see Yeonjun sad. It would break him.

Yeonjun was so loving and caring. And he always looked at Soobin like he was the brightest star in the sky. And he was always filled with so much wonder and curiosity. He was like a little kid, his intentions were pure and he saw the world with such amazement. Soobin didn't want to ruin that with his own stupid problems. That would be selfish.

And he had barely handled the last time he had witnessed the other being sad. The older had been upset over some book he was reading not having any new chapters and he had been having a really bad day so he was eating a full tub of ice cream over face time with a dramatic pout planted on his face. It wasn't even full on sad Yeonjun either and it still managed to make Soobin's heart drop to the floor. 

Soobin however didn't know how Yeonjun would gladly have let Soobin make him sad if it meant he would feel happier.

Yeonjun knew how sensitive he was. He had witnessed it on many occasions. Whether it be over watching the Fault in our stars for the fifth time that month, or over how he had a long day at school and just wanted to eat some cute little apple slices from a McDonald's Happy Meal. So he wanted to take off some of his burdens and worries so he wouldn't have to deal with as much, even if it meant himself being stressed. It was difficult though since he couldn't magically take away his anxieties, or go hang out with him somewhere outside their phone screens They hadn't seen each other in person since the day they met, and it was extremely depressing. They were both either A: too broke, or B: too busy to go to drive the hour-long ride to see each other from both distance and city traffic. So tho they never got the chance to meet again.

It didn't stop them from becoming extremely close though. Maybe a little too close on Yeonjun's behalf. But you wouldn't find him admitting that to you, much less himself.


	11. Chapter 11

Beomgyu had never been one to be interested or involved in love. Sure he had a few passing boyfriends and girlfriends though out the years, But he never really got the fireworks everyone talked about.

And that's how he knew he was screwed on the 11th of March, the day he arrived home to visit his family. 

He remembers walking through the doors of his childhood home and everyone greeting him with hugs and kisses. He was so hapoy to finally see everyon.

But all his senses stoped all at once when the small boy with platinum black blonde hair and a soft pink t-shirt standing behind his Cousin came into his line of vision

"Beomgyu, this is my boyfriend Taehyun."

He was completely and utterly done for.

He had never once been interested in romance until that moment, Taehyun's small and friendly smile had cut through his entire being. 

"Hi! I've heard a lot about you from Yuna, I hope we can be friends!"

He didn't want to be friends. He was certain of it.

And later when he had sat on his bed teaching the younger how to play guitar while Yuna was helping cooking dinner with his parents, he wanted to tell him that, and he had continued to want to tell him l every day for the last two months of his life, but he couldn't. It would ruin his relationship with him and destroy his life with Yuna. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?" asked Taehyun with a guitar between his arms. 

"Like what?"

"Like I'm your boyfriend or something." Taehyun laughed.

"I wish you were" he had thought.

Beomgyu soon founded himself skipping his classes and pulling all-nighters to go see the other. Taehyun said he like learning the guitar so Beomgyu (even though he knew it wouldn't end well), decided he'd do everything he could to teach him as often as he could. Even if it meant he's grades were declining and he'd be getting home at ungodly hours, it was all worth the excitement found on Taehyun's face every time he correctly played a new song.

No one knew about them either. He didn't ever tell Yeonjun, he knew he'd be able to tell his feelings for Taehyun within seconds. And of course, he didn't tell Yuna, and she had never brought up Tae mentioning their meetups either. It was their little thing.

However, every time Beomgyu would lie about not having any classes just to go see the boy, his feelings would grow for him dramatically. He was losing himself within Taehyun and he couldn't seem to let himself stop it from happening.

He constantly felt guilty too. He knew Yuna would hate him if she found out. And he knew his parents would too since she had already been through so much. It was only benefiting himself. He knew It.

But when Taehyun showed up at his dorm room one day crying he forgot all about it.

"Tae what's wrong?!" he said as he pulled him into the room and wrapped his arms around him.

"I hate Yuna."

"What?" 

"She cheated on me."

Anger sparked deep within him. He wanted to kill his cousin at that moment.

"What!? With who?!"

"Daehwan."

His blood ran cold. This was bad.

"Wait- isn't that Soobin's boyfr-"

"Yes!! I didn't know who else to go to since I don't want to hurt Soobin and I obviously can't go to her about it, and I'm sorry for randomly showing up here, you're the only person-"

"Shhh it's ok, don't apologize, you can come here anytime you want."

"Thank you." he cried into his chest.

Beomgyu didn't know what was worse. Knowing that the person he loved was heartbroken, or knowing that one of his closest friends and family members was the person who did the heartbreaking.

"Are you going to tell Soobin?" 

"No."

"You know you're going to have to."

"I can't, I can't be the one to tell him." 

"Tell him what?" asked Yeonjun, walking into the scene from the bathroom.

"I-"

"Wait- Taehyun? What are you doing here?"

"Yuna cheated on him... With Daehwan."

"You're joking," Yeonjun said as his jaw dropped.

"You have to tell him, you're his best friend, you can't just keep something like that from him."

"I c-can't."

"If you don't tell him, I will."

The room went quiet and they all started at each other for a few seconds.

"Look Hyung I know you care about him, but this isn't your decision."

"Seriously?? Not my decision?! Are you kidding me? Do you know how much I care about Soobin? I'm not going to sit around while knowing about how his Boyfriend is going behind his back with your whore of a cousin!"

"Yeonjun!"

"It's true!!! You told me yourself that she used to sleep with every guy she could back last year."

"That doesn't give you a right to call her that!"

"I'm pretty sure I gained the right to once she decided to fuck over my best friend."

"Your best friend? Soobin isn't your best friend, I am Yeonjun! And I don't want you calling my cousin a whore!" 

"Well, maybe we shouldn't be then!"

"What?"

"We don't need to be best friends, you obviously got your arms full with keeping things from people!"

"Yeonjun you're overreacting!"

It had all escalated so quickly and Yeonjun definitely wasn't planning on stopping any time soon.

"Really?! You think wanting to tell someone that their boyfriend is a jackass when their so-called friend," he yelled pointing at a crying Taehyun. "Won't even try to is overacting?!!! I think I'm reacting just fine here!"

"Stop!" Whaled Taehyun "I'll tell him okay! Just give me a few days! l

"Hyun you don't have to."

"Yes, he does!"

"Will you shut up?!"

Yeonjun stared at him in disbelief momentarily before turning around and grabbing a few things around the dorm and heading to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you," he muttered before slamming the door and walking down the hallway.

Yeonjun gripped the steering wheel of his car so right that his knuckles were beginning to turn white. He was humming.

"FUCK!" He yelled as in drove to no one in particular.

He couldn't believe that both Beomgyu and Taehyun were been so stupid. Especially Beomgyu. He didn't even know that he had contact with Tae and yet he was taking his side on this. He always backed him up on his opinions ever since they were kids, even if he knew he was in the wrong, and then some boy he didn't even know he was friends with comes around and then it all suddenly changes. 

Yeonjun had was been seething just thinking about for the past 40 minutes he had been in and out of Seoul traffic trying to get to Soobin's address, which had gotten from Huening. Although he wasn't planning on telling him what just happened (for now), he just had to see him. His heart hurt for Sobin so bad right now that it physically hurt. He knew how much he loved Daehwan, and he knew how this would crush him. Hot tears pour down his face from frustration, so much just happened within past our and all he could think about was the shy boy's feelings. Why was someone else's future heartbreak affecting him so strongly? 

"Hi"

"Yeonjun? What are you doing h-

"Who are you?"

Yeonjun stared up at dark brown eyes belonging to an extremely tall and slightly muscular male when he finally reached Soobin's house. The orbs pierced into his skin and shook him to his core. Whoever he was, he knew he was trouble. 

"I'm Yeonjun, Soobin's friend."

"Well I'm his boyfriend and we are were kind of busy." The man said in annoyance as he grabbed onto Soobin's waist protectively.

Yeonjun looked down at the hand and his heart broke as he watched his friend uncomfortably squirm at the touch and try to move it away, just to be met by the harsh fingers digging into his skin and making a small whimper pour out of his mouth. 

What Yeonjun did next, he knew he would regret it for the rest of his life. He wiped his face of all emotion and simply just turned around with no words and walked back to his car. 

He hated everything. Especially himself for not doing something when he could have.


	12. Chapter 12

"I'm Arin, it's great to finally get to meet you!" Smiled Soobin's sister from across the table.

"You too! Soobin love's you very much so I'm glad you got to visit."

"Ah he's so polite Soobin-ah, I like him." She said as she nudged her brother with her elbow. 

Soobin blushed at his sister's words and felt his boyfriend intertwine their fingers with his under the dinner table before bringing his hand up to kiss the back of it.

Whenever they were around people was when Soobin was the happiest. It was like his partner liked to show off his affection, and it was when he got the most positive attention from him. It did however slightly bother him because he never acted like that when it was just the two of them together. With others he’d always give Soobin gentle kisses on the cheek or forehead, and whisper little I love you's to him when no one was looking, causing Soobin to giggle and blush before messing with the ends of his sweaters.

Soobin loved him with his whole heart.

"Awh Mom look!" She squealed at the small action of the couple.

"They're adorable aren't they?"

Soobin's sister had recently come to visit them after getting leave from her job in the Military. She'd be staying here for 2 weeks before she had to go back to Busan with her long time Boyfriend that she brought. And he was so excited when he heard the news, they hadn't seen each other in months and he desperately wanted to have one of their sleepovers again.

You see, the two siblings were extremely close and Soobin thought of her as a mother figure. For she was the first one in the house to accept his coming out and she was the only one that had been aware of his sensory problems and how to deal with them for a very long time. Unlike his parents who would force Soobin to go out and be social for hours on end, Arin understood that he was extremely sensitive to his surroundings most of the time.

"Do you want to go to the store with me? You don't have to go, but we'll only be there for 10 minutes at most." she'd say. Or “Do you want to stay. in the car, while I go inside for a little bit?"

She was so caring and understanding, that's why he loved her so much. And he was glad that she finally found a boy that treated her right after all those crappy ones she had during her high school years.

He liked her current boyfriend too, his name was Johnny and he was very funny and very Tall, and always made sure Soobin was having fun or feeling alright whenever he came over. He also always made jokes about his butt being big... which was kinda weird, but still funny. 

The lovers had met while they were both out visiting the states a year and a half ago and they had requested to be moved to the same subdivision within the military when they quickly became close and developed feelings. Even recently Johnny had messaged Soobin asking him to help his purpose to her, which he immediately had agreed to. They'd be doing it sometime next week.

Out of nowhere, while eating, the dinging of the doorbell echoed across the house.

"Soobin can you get that?" His mom asked

"Mhm." 

Soobin backed up his chair and stood up before trying to let go of Daehwans hand, but he had held onto it tighter to cause him to give the boy a confused look.

"I'll come too."

"Oh Ok."

As the couple walked to the door Daehwan dropped his hand from his boyfriend and placed it on his upper back.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

A boy with blonde hair that was slightly tinted pink and in need of a touch of, that was pulled into a tiny ponytail at the top stood in-front of him. 

"Hyung? What are you doing he-"

"Who are you?"

Soobin looked behind him, Daehwan's entire aura had changed since opening the door. It was like how it was when they weren't around people.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Yeonjun. Soobin's friend."

"Well I'm his boyfriend, and we were kind of busy with something."

Hearing his boyfriend's cold tone Soobin shivered, he hated that voice. Seconds later he felt his hand slip around his waist and his mind instantly became filled with bad memories.

Daehwan had only touched his waist when he wanted his clothes off. 

He squirmed and lightly pushed at the hand until he felt his fingers pressing into the bruises from the last time that Soobin let him touch him. Which was last night. Of course, the situation only happened a few times, no more than 3 over the span of 2 months, but each time it still felt like the first. Rough, cold, and in a void of unloving and words. 

A little whimper left his mouth and he mentally cursed at himself. Yeonjun will worry. At least he thought that until he saw the male turn around abruptly and walk off.

Soon after a hand reached past his face and shut the door. 

"Who was that?" Daehwan whispered into his ear from behind with his hand still on the door.

"No one. He's just a friend." He whispered back nervously. 

"Hmmmmm... okay" 

Daehwan then grabbed his hand again and showed a bright smile on his face before pulling him back to the kitchen.

"Who was it?" Asked Johnny.

"Just some guy trying to get us to buy something," Daehwan said with his whole chest.

Why was he lying?

Little did Daehwan know that Arin had gotten up to get water after they left and she had witnessed the scared look On Soobin's face when he pressed onto his waist and locked him against the door. 

"What the hell was that?”

"What was what?" He asked later that night after Daehwan had gone home and they cleaned up the kitchen, now in Soobin's room.

"Hmm I don't know, maybe you looking like you were scared to death of your boyfriend when he asked about Yeonjun?"

Soobin had forgotten that had talked to her about Yeonjun before, and even sent her a picture of him. 

"What I never-"

"Yes, you did. I saw it with my own two eyes Soobin."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He mumbled before turning around and organizing the plushies on his bed. 

"Well then why did Yeonjun leave? I thought you two were close."

"We are."

"Then why-"

"Look I said I don't know."

Arin huffed and plopped down onto the blanket covered in stars on Soobin's bed.

"You shouldn't let him talk to you like that."

"Talk like what?"

"Like he's better than you."

Soobin stilled. "He does talk to me like that doesn't he?" He thought “It's ok though. love him. He loves me. It’s a small price I’m willing to pay.”

"He doesn't" he said, ignoring his thoughts. 

She sighed "Please don't do what I did Soobin. Please don't get stuck on a boy that's not good for you."

"I won't Noona."

Back when Arin was in high school a few years ago she dated a boy named, Dan. He was low key a sociopath and he had cheated on her with her childhood friend. She had dated him on and off for a good 4 years before finally solidifying the fact that she didn't ever want to get back together again to him. 

"Promise?" She said sticking out her pinky finger.

Soobin giggled and interlocked their fingers "Promise."

Then the two spent the rest of the night watching movies and playing video games in the living room with Johnny and Chibin.

"Ya! Johnny why did you kill me! I'm your girlfriend!"

"I did what I had to do. And what I had to do was killing you." Said Johnny in a funny accent. 

Soobin and Chibin laughed while watching the two playing on the Nintendo switch that Johnny brought, and looking around at the scene, and being with the people that he loved. Made him happy. He hadn't felt this good in a while.


	13. Chapter 13

"You're so pretty, baby." 

"Thank you." Soobin blushed as he sat in his boyfriend's lap.

Daehwans hand moved up to hold one of his knees, the other to the back of his neck. 

"I love you," he said while playing with the bottom of the ends of his hairs. "So good for me."

Soobin smiled wide and looked up into his eyes."I love you too."

He loved moments like these. He saw stars in Daehwan's eyes and it was like all of his features were glowing. He was so sweet to him. 

"Wanna take this off for me hm?"

Soobin's heart sank. Of course. His smile faded when he heard those words and felt fingers toying with his oversized blue shirt.

"Can we just cuddle, please? I'm tired today." He said pouting.

"But babe, you were tired last time too."

"I know... I just... it's been a bad week okay?"

Before Daehwan could get in another word Soobin’s phone started buzzing in his pocket. 

"Can I?" He said referring to the phone.

"Yes, just make it quick ok?" Said commented the boyfriend after pressing a kiss to his hair and wrapping a secure arm around his torso. 

Soobin giggled and cupped his face before pecking him. "I will."

"Hello?"

"Soobin, I need to tell you something."

"Taehyun? Sure yeah, what is it?"

"Daehwan's cheating."

"What- what huh?"

"I walked in on him Yuna last week."

"A-are you sure?"

"Certain. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Umm... thank you. Uh- I-I gotta go now, I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay."

Soobin put his phone down and moved Daehwan's hands off him. "Babe?"

"Yes? Something wrong?"

"D-did you cheat on me?" He whispered, hurt present in his voice, with tears in his eyes. 

Daehwan gasped and held his face. "Bin what gave you that idea?"

"T-Taehyun, he saw you guys. You and Yuna." Soobin mumbled as he turned his face, making the hold on his hurt face fall.

"ok, yea- but It was one only one time. It didn't mean anything." 

"Y-you said you loved me."

"Honey, I do. It was a mistake. It won't happen again. I promise."

"No, you don't."

"Yes I do, let me prove it to you okay?"

At his words, his lips started kissing his lover's jaw and hands went up to his thighs and shirt.

"Stop."

"What?"

"I said stop."

Daehwan huffed. "Soobin, I'm trying to-"

"And I said no!" Soobin angrily said with tears rolling down his face. He started to squirm out his hold and stood up off his lap. "Leave. We're done."

"Babe- babe stop. Don't do this, I'm sorry."

When Daehwan's fingers landed on his now ex-boyfriend's hips and pulled him back into his lap before a harsh slap burned his cheek.

"Will you listen to me for once in your life?! I said don't touch me!"

"Did you just slap me?"

"Yes! And I should have done it the second you decide to start sexually abusing me."

"Sexually ab- that's ridiculous. I never-"

"Yes Daehwan, you did. Several times actually! And I kept tried to ignore and convince myself that you didn't because I thought you loved me, but you obviously don't!"

"How the fuck did I sexually abuse you!"

"Hmmm, I don't know. How about gaslighting me into taking my virginity? Or that time you said you'd break up with me if I didn't sleep with you? Or pinning me to a wall because I was trying to stop you from taking my pants off? How bout leaving me naked in my room because I said I didn't want you to do it while my parents were home?! Is that enough Daehwan?!"

"I-"

"No. Get the fuck out. Go tell it to someone who cares."

"Soo-"

"I SAID GET OUT!"

"Damn ok, fine." He said with his hands raised in the air. "Have fun trying to find someone who'll love you again."

When the door of his room shut Soobin sank to the floor gasping for air. 

His sister and friends were right. 

"Why does my chest hurt so bad?" He whined. 

His entire body hurt. 

Daehwan promised he'd never hurt him. He said he'd love him forever. He said he would protect him. 

He lied

Love doesn't exist. 

Love is cruel and fake.

Love is pain.

Love brings heartbreak.

Love holds bad memories 

Soobin no longer likes love. He wishes it didn't exist.

Maybe if it didn't he wouldn't be hurting so bad right now. 

"He's all I had..." he whispered in his bed. "What's the point anymore?"

"Selfish, I will never be enough

Even if I pour our my everything"

Soobin remembers that day. The day he sat in the bathtub listening to those lyrics, wondering if he'd be able to see clearly if he ever fond love.

"As long as you love me

The good or the ugly

Everything is ok

It's like you control me

Without you I'm lonely"

He was able to see the signs before he had gotten hurt. He had just blindly ignored them for the sake of love. Love betrayed him. 

Maybe if he hadn't spent all those nights wondering and wishing for when the word would finally greet him, he wouldn't be in this position now. Maybe Daehwan wouldn't have asked for his Snapchat on the bus that day. And maybe he wouldn't have introduced him to his Best friend's girlfriend, causing both their hearts to break.

Soobin was obviously delusional and too stupid for Love. He'd stop himself from getting hurt next time. He'd make sure of it. And as he sobbed into his hands, he thought about all the stupid things he had done.

God, did he hate himself. He should be hating Daehwan, but he can't seem to no matter how hard he tried. He still loved him and wished he was wrapping his strong arms around him, telling him he was going to be okay right now.

What hurt the most was that he now knew his entire relationship had been one-sided. Daehwan only wanted him for his body, and he only now realized it. 

Loud sobs continued to rake through his body. Apart from him wanted to throw himself off a cliff, or sink himself underwater until he lost his breath, and it was overbearing. He knew he couldn’t do it though. Not after he had witnessed how much chaos had happened after Taehyun tried to in August, that ‘incident’ had hurt him and everyone else who loved his best friend so deeply and he still made him worry several months later. Soobin wouldn’t try and follow that ‘incident’, it would just cause another one for Taehyun.

But he had nowhere to go. No one to hold. No one to tell him it was okay to feel this way. No one.

“Y-yeonjun.” he cried into the phone.

“Soobin- bunny what's wrong.”

“I don’t know who else to call. T-tae told me Dae-“

“Bud I already know. I’m glad he finally told you.”

Soobin cried at his voice. It was so calm.

“Can you come over? You don’t have to if you don’t want to- I can pay for gas money.”

“Bunny I was already planning to. You don’t need to pay me anything.”

“A-are you sure?”

“Mhm.”

“Thank you.”

“Okay, I’m gonna hang up now. Are you gonna be okay for a little bit?”

“I think so.”

“Ok, I’ll be there soon.”

“Okay.”

Soobin sat jumbled up in a ball of blankets and plushies listening to sad songs for a good 45 minutes before he heard the knocking on the door he had been waiting for.

“I brought you some F-“

Yeonjun’s words had been cut off when Soobin latched onto his waist, wrapped into a blanket as his life depended on it.

“Hyungie, I thought you got into a wreck or something.”

“I just stopped to get you food, I’m sorry it took so long.”

“It’s okay...”

Yeonjun gently guided the upset boy back into his room and sat him on his bed. He put a bottle of water from the gas station up to his lips.

“You need this. You’re probably dehydrated.”

As more salty teats fell out of his eyes, Soobin nodded and shook as he took a little sip of the water while a hand held the back of his head for support

“See? You’re okay.” Yeonjun smiled and he wiped his tears. “Still my little bunny. No Boy is gonna change that.”

He laughed and sniffled. “Thank you, Hyung.”

“Of course.”

Yeonjun spent the rest of the night guiding Soobin through drinking and eating (after making sure the food was an okay texture to Soobin’s sensitive palette), and whispered calming and comforting words until he calmed down.

“I’m sorry.” He said while petting his hair. 

“For what?

“When I came over the other day I saw how Daehwan was hurting you, and I just left.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”

“No really, it’s fine.”

“I could have stopped him.”

“Yeonjun stop. You didn’t know about it.”

“I had an idea though.”

“Be quiet before I hit you with a plushie.”

Yeonjun laughed. “Okay, okay. Just know if I ever see him again, I’m kicking him in the nuts.”

“I’m ok with that.”

“Good. Cause I plan on making it hurt.”


	14. Chapter 14

When Soobin was growing up he had taken a particular interest in Disney Movie Characters. The first Halloween he could remember he had convinced his Mom to let him dress up as Mulan, and she had only agreed to let him since the cartoon had been dressed up as a guy for the majority of the movie. And he would always run around the house shirtless saying he was Tarzan. He just loved the wonder and purity that came with every Disney film. And while he had been dating Daehwan, he had begun to picture him as Prince Charming, only to have him to be Hans from Frozen, Crushing his perfect Disney Fairytale dreams. Daehwan had left him to wither in the Cold just like Hans did to Anna. 

That's why the morning after dumping him, Soobin began to grow nervous. Yeonjun had spent the night and now he could be found in a metal chair looking into his friend's eyes through the bathroom mirror, the taller of two with his hands softly placed on his shoulders looking back at him.

Soobin didn't enjoy eye contact, it always made him extremely uncomfortable and he even had problems making it with Taehyun. But for some reason, he had no trouble with the intense gaze that Yeonjun was giving him.

Yeonjun, at that moment, began to remind him of Prince Eric with the black hair dye that he had just lathered into his locks. His favourite prince.

The two were silent, and the only thing Soobin could think about was how he recognized the look on the college boy's face. It was the face Soobin had given Daehwan in that picture that Taehyun had taken of them in the Hallway. 

He and Daehwan had been walking hand and hand with Taehyun on the side of them and the younger cracked a joke. In the midst of laughing he looked over and just stared at the beauty that was his smiling Boyfriend, causing his best friend to quickly snap a picture. 

Soobin wasn't making any jokes right now but he was still getting those stary and hopeful eyes from Yeonjun.

"Yeonjun, you are a great friend." He said breaking the silence. 

He didn't exactly know his Hyung's feelings for him. But if there was even a drop of something that could be viewed as romantic, Soobin didn't want it. Even if he did like him back somewhere deep inside him, he wasn't ever going to be willing to let Yeonjun crush his heart in his hand like Daehwan did. Or anyone else for that matter.

"Oh, thank you. You are too Binnie." He said with a large toothy grin. 

Relief settled in Soobin's freshly wounded heart. He saw no signs of disappointment in the sudden friend-zoning he just gave him. Yeonjun didn't like him like that and Soobin didn't have anything to worry about. Soobin would have many things to worry about if he did. He now wouldn't have to think about possibly rejecting and hurting him in the future, or having to deal with love again. Soobin was done with love right now, and he's glad he didn't have to be faced with it so soon. 

All the harsh words and selfish things Daehwan had said and done to him over their relationships still stung inside him, and the heartbreaks still hang on tight to his heartstrings, hiding deep under his skin. He could only ignore go for maybe 30 minutes at a time before they would pluck and tug the strings again to remind him of everything.

"Have fun trying to find someone who'll love you again."

That hurt. 

Daehwan was right. He was stupid for even thinking Yeonjun had liked him like that in the first place.

"Are you okay?" Yeonjun said, pulling him out of his self-criticizing thoughts.

"Yeah. Just still a little shook up." 

Yeonjun frowned and stood up. "Give me your hands."

Looking down at the boy's palms Soobin felt confusion within himself. "Ummmm... ok."

"Repeat after me. I, Choi Soobin don't need that dickhead."

Soobin burst out laughing and repeated him. 

"And peridot. You did need no boy sis- work it. You live your single life."

That made him feel better.

——-

When Yeonjun finally left, his whole house felt Silent and cold. 

He could hear his two dogs barking, and his parents talking very loudly about church and politics, and even tiny little gunshots from a video game Chibin was playing. But it still somehow felt silent. All sound had been wiped from the earth the second he lost of Yeonjun's back going through the front door. 

It wasn't like your normal silence either, where you could simply just hear the buzzing of the air conditioning and the swirling of the wind going against your window. But it was the kind where you could hear every single last one of your thoughts. 

Soobin's mind was filled with new and old insecurities and guilt. Not only had he just gotten his heart ripped out and stabbed three times by the person he loved the most just for him to hand it back expecting him to be able to use it properly again, but he's pretty sure he ended Yeonjun and Beomgyu's friendship as well. 

The older told him about a fight the two had over Taehyun telling Soobin about the betrayal of the Yuna and Daehwan. Why Taehyun was over there in the first place, and why Beomgyu had taken his side and not Yeonjun's, he doesn't know. He does know however that the two would still be talking a week later when sitting in their dorm room together if Soobin had better taste in boyfriends.

"We haven't really talked in a while," Yeonjun mumbled when asked about his friend. 

Soobin felt so bad. The two had been close since they were toddlers and he had always heard funny and cute stories about them, they had never even fought before he came along. 

He messed things up for everyone.

Taehyun no longer had a girlfriend, Beomgyu hated his cousin, Yeonjun didn't like his childhood best friend anymore, and Beomgyu thought his roommate had replaced him with a boy he just met two months ago.

He should have just denied Daehwan's request for his Snapchat that day on the bus, and he should have refused to meet Yeonjun after going to the hospital. 

Everything would be better. Not for him, but for them. 

Within the silence, he wanted to be a different person once again. But this time it wasn't for himself. It was because it's what they probably wanted someone different who wouldn't fuck things up. This was much worse than just wishing his life was different.

He sat in front of the black full-length mirror. The Halloween lights that his mom let him use that were wrapped around it seemed kind of blurry, and the led strips on his walls made his face look blue. 

He didn't look like himself anymore. His eyes were sunken and dull, and his hair was sticking up in every which direction after he slipped off the thick black hoodie he had been wearing. He looked at his bare chest, watching it fall and rise before deciding that he had been trapped in his body whenever his mom gave birth to him. Looking at his skin was like looking at a distorted picture of himself that he wasn't quite used to. He felt disconnected and unfamiliar with it, and more than usual. It wasn't himself staring back at him. It was the boy who let his boyfriend use him, and the one that hurt and torn apart the people he cared for.

His eyes looked evil and his body made him nauseous and anxious. He quickly looked away. How was Yeonjun able to look at him for so long today without being sick to his stomach? And why had Daehwan's even associated with him in the first place? Much less date him. 

Maybe if he ran away and lived with a family of raccoons for the rest of his life he'd never be faced with looking into the mirror again, causing him to eventually forget what he looked like, to begin with.

Raccoons are nice enough right?

Soobin walked over to his plushie pile (which was mostly just sloths named after famous scientists) and picked up the small raccoon. He had gotten him last year when on a road trip to Busan with Taehyun and his Mom. His name was Lona.

"Lona, you wouldn't make me feel like I was heading to my ultimate doom all seconds of the day if we lived in the woods together right?"

All he got was a tiny plastic black eye staring at him like he was stupid making him floppy onto my bed.

"EVEN A RACOON DOESN'T LIKE ME." he hollered making Chibin look up from the video game he was playing down the hall.

"What a weirdo." the middle schooler mumbled.


	15. Chapter 15

"Yuna what the fuck?!" Yelled Beomgyu as he slammed open the door of her room. 

"Beom- what are you doing here?"

"Doesn't matter. Why the hell did you cheat on Taehyun?!"

"How did you-"

"He showed up at my dorm, crying his eyes out over it. And now I don't give a shit whether I tell you this or not." Beomgyu fumed. "I like him, and I've liked him since the day I met him, and you treated him like a piece of trash while I had to walk around watching him talk about how much he loved you! You know how much it sucks not being able to tell someone you are basically falling for them, but you can't because they are too busy being cheated on by your stupid fucking cousin?!

"I'm sor-"

"Nope save it. I just came to yell at you for being good old Yuna once again, not for an apology. Go tell Taehyun and Soobin that, not me." He said before walking out the door again. "And thanks for ending Yeonjun and I's relationship over your damn hormones." 

Beomgyu had been wanting to yell at her like that for a good two weeks now. He just had to find a time within his schedule to drive out and do it. He had gotten so angry hearing about his cousin that it was honestly scaring him and needed to let it out, but his last straw was when Taehyun came over just to watch him do Homework for 3 hours because he didn't feel like crying over her again that night.

"Your cousin is a bitch" he said while dazing off into the math problems on Beomgyu's computer with his elbow's popped up onto the older's thighs. 

"Yeah... at least that's easier to figure out than calculus," Beomgyu said back, momentarily looking at the boy.

"At least it won't leave you with serious heart damage haha."

Beomgyu knew it was just a joke, but he snapped after hearing it. He proceeded to grab Taehyun by the arm, drop all his homework onto the floor, and drive the two over to the house that very second. 

"What? Where are we going?"

"I'm about to make my dumb cousin have hearing damage." He said angrily as he put the keys in his car. "And get some chicken nuggets, cause I'm fricking hungry."

"Uuuh ok... Can we get ice cream too?" Asked Taehyun after a few moments of silence.

This is why Beomgyu liked him. He always spoke his mind. And his mind was just a little bit weird which means he never questioned his stupid plans before. Even the one when he decided it was a good idea to walk through the Starbucks drive-through. 

"Hiiii!!!!!! My friend is a little odd in the head, so we aren't using a car. That okay Mister, sir, Madam, or Ma'am ???" He remembers him saying with his hands his hips and his face almost touching the speaker.

The two now sat in a booth at a rundown McDonald's in downtown Seoul with ice cream and nuggets in hand. 

"This ice cream tastes like cardboard." He laughed.

"At least you didn't order fries, these are soggy."

The two had continued to joke and tell stories for a little bit longer before Taehyun's mind drifted off to what he had heard downstairs when Beomgyu said he was going to go yell at Yuna.

"I heard what you said," Taehyun said casually.

"Huh?"

"To Yuna. About liking me." 

"Oh... I'm sorry."

"No it's fine, it doesn't bother me actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah it's kind of flattering if I'm being honest, I've never had a guy like me before. And I mean, of course, I don't exactly know if I like you back since I just got out of a long term relationship with your cousin of all people, and I am still dealing with the whole "am I straight?" thing, but I'm not opposed to finding out if I do."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, we can consider you almost murdering Yuna for me a date."

"O-oh okay, that's fine, we can do that." Beomgyu stuttered with a blush making Taehyun give a proud smile. 

Taehyun laughed and stole the nugget out of the other's fingers that had been heading to his mouth. 

He may not be over Yuna yet, but it wouldn't be hard to keep his mind off things with a little flirting. And who knows? Maybe he might end up like his friend back too.

Taehyun had never really thought he was gay until after he broke up with Yuna the first time. He had slept over his friend San's house for his birthday party and long story short he ended up doing some not so holy things with him and his best friend Wooyoung. They never went all the way through, and he still wasn't sure if he liked it based on the fact that they all had been drinking the entire night like the irresponsible teenagers they were and were just messing around for fun. He also had kissed a few boys since then and seemed to enjoy it, but once again, he wasn't 100% sure on his bisexuality. 

That's were Beomgyu comes in handy. He was sweet, cute, sassy, and funny. Taehyun liked those things, and he liked Taehyun so why not try experimenting and try to finally confirm his theories?

He just hopes he's better than his family member was. 

"When did you actually start liking me though? Like not just based on my appearance."

"The night you made me watch the office with you and you quoted every line as they said them."

"Really?"

"Yeah... it was cute."

It was now Taehyun's turn to blush. 

——

Whenever the pair finally arrived home Taehyun placed a hand on Beomgyu's should and leaned forward to kiss his cheek at his door "Bye Gyu"

Giggles quickly bubbled up his throat after seeing the look on the male's face and the hand now on his own cheek. 

"I'll talk to you tomorrow." He said with more laughs before waving a goodbye and walking down the dormitory hallways to his car.

"What the-" Beomgyu whispered, taking in everything that happened.

He just experienced those fireworks for the first time. And it was just a little peck on the cheek

"Oh worm. How long that been going on?" Smirked a Yeonjun from behind him.

"Oh- well- I... just today."

"Hmm, okay."

"....Are we talking again now?"

Yeonjun stoodnand stared for a few seconds, and he even carried his eyes up and down his body a few times. "...nah" 

Beomgyu was quite annoyed with his friend at this point. He kept trying to apologize for taking Taehyun's side, even explain himself a few times, but all he'd get was the silent treatment or sarcastic remarks. At least this time the pause between answering gave him some type of hope. He really couldn't live with the awkward silence that was their dorm whenever one of them came back from class, or when they were eating the dinner that they had made (also in silence) together.

Beomgyu didn't know his friend was this stubborn. He also apparently hadn't fully realized how highly Yeonjun thought of Soobin either. 

But then again, Yeonjun had even known that he and Taehyun were close, much less the fact that he liked him, so technically you could call it even.


	16. Chapter 16

Yeonjun dropped out.

He had been wanting to for a long long time now, but he always stayed for Beomgyu. And that was over now so he just quit. He didn't even wait for the end of the semester which he had had a month left of. He just threw all his stuff in boxes and a suitcase and drove back to his Mom's and her new Husband (which he hadn't met yet since he missed the wedding due to exams)

"Hey, Mama." He said as he hugged his Mother tight. 

"Hi, baby. I'm glad to have you back." 

"Me too" 

"Come on, go meet your new stepdad and stepbrothers."

Yeonjun's Dad had died a few years back, right before he entered the sophomore year. It wasn't that big of a deal though, since he never really got to see him, and they never were really close, but he still missed him from time to time, and he was glad he would finally have an older male figure to look up to again when home. It was cool too since him and his family were originally from Japan and had two kids close to his age.

"Honey, where is Daiwa?" 

"He's on some date with the little neighbour girl." Said his stepfather. "Hi, Yeonjun." 

The older male extended his arms out and embraced his new kid as he spoke "Hiiii, It's good to meet you in person." 

After a few pats on the back the middle-aged man chuckles "Sorry about your brother, he usually isn't home, but you'll be sharing a room with him until you find your own place."

"That's fine."

When Yeonjun walked down the hall and into his room he quickly realized that the entirety of it had changed. The walls used to be a light pastel blue and there used to be bookshelves and plushies along every wall. But now one of the walls had been painting black with Chalkboard and there were tones of different notes and drawings of different handwritings. On the other side were posters that had pictures of mushrooms, skulls, and aliens with stoner phrases on them like "stoned to the bone" or "high as a kite" on them. And the last two walls now were white and one with a tv and Xbox planted on them with various video games scattered around, and the other with the type of shoes that no one likes to crease mounted on it. 

"Daiwa Hyung changed everything when he moved in," said a little voice from behind him.

Yeonjun turned around to a tall, yet young looking boy around his preteens to early teens. He looked sort of familiar, but he had only looked at the Wedding Photos in passing so he didn't quite know

"I'm Ni-ki, and that's your bed over there. But you can come sleepover in my room if Daiwa brings anyone over cause it gets kinda loud... if you know what I mean."

Yeonjun shivered. "That's... gross, but thank you Ni-ki."

"Yep no problem, just make sure you make me your favourite brother from now on."

"I mean, considering that I haven't met the other one, and what he's done with my room, I'm okay with that."

"Yeah, he kinda sucks anyway so it should stay that way."

The way Ni-ki was describing his brother and new roommate made him the slightest bit nervous to meet him. But that might just be the normal 'siblings who hate each other' thing he heard about. But he doesn't quite know since he was an only child up until this point.

"Uh... what's this?" Yeonjun mumbled in disgust while pointing at a mouldy piece of pizza on top of a pile of dirty laundry.

"That would be the catastrophe that is my Hyung."

"Jesus..."

"It's ok though, you can stay in my room and hang out with me and my friends from across the street who comes over all the time to avoid it."

"Ok yeah, that sounds good. What do you guys do?"

"Mostly learn girl group dances if I'm being honest."

"Oh my God, I love that."

"Me too! Heeseung Hyung is only like 2 years younger than you, so hopefully, you get along."

"Hopefully yeah."

"Anyways, Imma go over the neighbours for a little bit. Your mom said she already put my number on your phone, so I'll text you."

"Okay."

At the mention of Neighbors, Yeonjun's heart saddened, Yuna and Beomgyu's parents lived there. Of course, it was all the way down the street, but it was the closest house to them and he'd still have to drive by it every day. And there were so many memories of the two built-in the rooms of his house too, no matter how different Daiwo had made it.

He can practically see his ex-friend dancing around in stupid sunglasses and a horrendous wig, paired with a bright orange shirt that made him look like a traffic cone, back in 5th grade.

Or the time he covered himself in peanut butter to "kill off the but allergy population."

While stuck in the loop of imagination and memories, his phone buzzed and he opened up the chat labelled "👁👄👁Soobin's worshippers"

Soobin🌸🌼: how's the new place?  
Yeonjun💕🥰: Other than the fact that one of my brothers is disgusting and totally messed up my room, I'd say pretty good  
Soobin🌸🌼: awh dats good(〃ω〃)  
Soobin🌸🌼: and I'll kick your brother  
Yeonjun💕🥰: no you won't  
Soobin🌸🌼: hey you never know! Graduating can change a person!!!!  
Yeonjun💕🥰: whatever you say Bunny😂  
Tae👽: y'all do realize you can just talk in your own chat right....  
Soobin🌸🌼: bitch you could just ✨Join the conversation✨  
Taehyun👽: hahaha no❤️  
Yeonjun💕🥰: why nottttttttt  
Yeonjun💕🥰: we're cool~  
Tae👽: you literally flirt right in front of my autocorrect on the daily  
Soobin🌸🌼: we don't flirt (｀ω' )o  
Tae👽: Says the bitch who said Yeonjun looked like Prince Eric yesterday🙄🖐🏻  
Soobin🌸🌼: LITERALY HE DOES ITS NOT EVEN AN OPINION ITS A FACT  
Tae👽: lmao okay🤡🤡🤡🤡  
Yeonjun💕🥰: soobie tae is m e a n ;-;  
Soobin🌸🌼: taehyun I'll kill you, leave my bb alone🔪🔪  
Taehyun👽: YOU JUST CALLED HIM BB- THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT IM-  
Tae👽: you two are DUMB dumb  
Yeonjun💕🥰: and what about it?  
Tae👽: i'll kill you in your sleep Choi Yeonjun👊🏻👊🏻  
Yeonjun💕🥰: oh mY gOd PlEASE TAKE ME OUT FROM MY SUFFERING 

Yeonjun laughed as he put the phone down. Soobin had recently created a group chat for the three of them saying that "my two bitches needed to finally bond over how much they love me". Which they both weren't apposed to since Soobin had recently needed some new forms of entertainment and socializing after he graduating Senior year last week. Which he barely made since he had been too heartbroken and unmotivated to do anything involving school work for a good two months after the whole Daehwan situation. Which is another reason why Yeonjun decided to drop and move back home. Soobin has been having breakdowns over super little things several days a week and he simply didn't have the money to go and drive to go see him every time, which made him feel awful. For the past two months he had been stuck listening to the younger watch Lilo and stitch, cuddled up with his plushies with tears in his eyes for too and he really just wanted the ability to go see him whenever it happened. Most of the time the boy didn't even need to talk either, he'd just call him and sniffle a few times before telling Yeonjun that he didn't want to be alone and just wanted to stay on face time without talking for a bit. Which he was gladly willing to do, even if he was busy. He knew how bad Daehwan had messed him up and he didn't want him to go through it by himself. Soobin couldn't even talk to his therapist about what happened, much less him. She just knew that his boyfriend had cheated on him and no further details even though he probably did in fact need to tell a professional about it. The whole relationship really did something to his brain. The boy was a lot more shy, insecure, and anxious now than he had been before. And his hatred of touch grew dramatically out of nowhere. His only form of physical contact nowadays was with his blankets and stuffed animals. He wouldn't even let Yeonjun touch his ears anymore when he got to the chance to visit because it made his sensors go haywire and his skin crawl. 

This made him sad of course, Soobin was one of the only people he actually enjoyed sharing his love language of physical touch with, but he completely understood since he is like that with a lot of people too. He'd got the same skin crawling affect when someone would brush his arm on the street in passing. 

Yeonjun sighed thinking about it, and he leaned over to his suitcase, unzipping it, when his phone buzzed again.

Nikikikikiki👶🏻: hyung!  
Yeonjun💕🥰: hi budddd  
Nikikikikikiki👶🏻: Can you come play video games with me and my friend Jay? He lives at the house across from us.  
Yeonjun💕🥰: are his parents okay with it?  
Nikikikikikiki👶🏻: yep!  
Yeonjun💕🥰: ok I shall be there soon, I just need to finish unpacking  
Nikikikikikiki👶🏻: yay! Thank you!!  
Yeonjun💕🥰: I got chu


	17. Chapter 17

"You just paddle, like, move your arms around until you figure it out"

"I've already done that." Whined Soobin

"Just uh, don't drown then?" 

"You aren't helping Hyung!"

"I'm trying!" 

Yeonjun was swimming in the deep end of Soobin's pool a few days after moving into his old house after finding out about his inability to swim, insisting he would teach him. And he had been watching as the younger scrunched his face and flap his arms around closer to the shallow end for a good 30 minutes and they still hadn't gotten anywhere. 

"Ah! I got water in my nose!' He screeched.

"I- honey" sighed Yeonjun as he swam over to him and grabbed his waist to pull him closer to the section of the pool with less water, instantly regretting it when he felt Soobin's body tense and squirm out his touch.

"Oh, I'm sorry I forgot about the whole touching thing again." He said with a voice filled with guilt.

"I-it's fine...."

It was actually more than fine. But Soobin felt extremely uncomfortable with saying that out loud. Lately, whenever Yeonjun had touched him it would send jolts of energy throughout his entire nervous system and it would send him back to remembering how he got hurt the last time he met someone who did that to him. So he always just said that he was uncomfortable with it, to avoid what that likely meant for him.

You see, Soobin was going through a crisis. His physical senses had become so strong that it was unbearable most of the time, and he hated even the slightest brush of someone else's skin. But he still managed to crave Yeonjun's warmth almost 24/7. It really scared him. Like just now when he felt the fingertips that had tried to guide him to the safety of the shallow end over his long sleeve wet shirt that hugged his skin. He hadn't been touched right there since the night he dumped Daehwan, and he was supposed to hate it. But instead, he wanted to place his hands over the gentle hands and interlock the two's fingers while he leaned back into his chest. And he never had wanted to do that with Daehwan. He didn't tense at the fact that Yeonjun touched his most sensitive body part, but he tensed at the odd feeling that bubbled deep within the bottom of his chest. A feeling that was stronger than when he had gazed at his ex-boyfriend who he had supposedly been in love with. Yeonjun was scaring him. 

"No, I should have respected your boundaries." 

Soobin turned around and saw a pouty Yeonjun swaying his hands in the chlorinated water, and his eyes began to travel down from the black hair on his head to his collar bones, then to the faint abs on his abnormal. 

"Oh god," he thought as he avoided the sight of wet and tan skin in front of him. 

The tiny mole on the hip bone poking out of his Hyung's swimming trunks really shouldn't have made the heat rise to his cheeks and his heart rate increase like that. 

"Uhhhh- n-no I said it's okay."

"Are you sure bunny?"

Bunny. Why does he always have to call the younger that? It made him feel so weird and giddy. Like there was afire lit up inside his lungs.

"Mhm, I'm sure."

Soobin was internally screaming in his head that yes, it was okay that he had touched him, and wasn't okay that he had let go. A part of his mind keeps telling him to grab Yeonjun's hands and bring them back to his torso. But the other part of him wanted to scream at the older for making him think and want such stupid and dangerous things that would just leave Soobin feeling extreme anxiety and confusion.

"How about we get out now, I think you've gotten water in your nose one too many times."

"Ok."

After getting out the two were found sat on the edge of the pool eating goldfish with their feet dangling and dancing in the water, when Yeonjun noticed a little marking on the inside of Soobin's knee.

"What that?" He said pointing at it.

"Oh, this? It's a stick and poke." 

The boy pulled up his shorts a little more and revealing a little sun and moon inking that madeYeonjun's mind fill with the character from the book that he had been reading which hadn't been updated in months now.

"Wait for real?" He asked leaning in closer to look.

"Yeah, I have a few."

"That's so cool honestly. You're like one of that bad boy with a tragic back story in a cheesy drama."

"I am not."

"Yes, you are."

"Am not."

"Yuh-huh."

"Shut up." 

"You first."

The two sat there glaring at each other for a good minute or two before they broke out laughing.

"Serious though, that's cool. I didn't think you'd have a stick n poke."

"Yeah, most people don't."

"Can I see the others?" Yeonjun asked while thinking about all the ones that the online author had said Hyunbin had. 

Maybe Soobin was like him and had a whole stash of them hidden too? After all, he had never really seen his arms so it wasn't completely that crazy of an idea. Plus it would be really cool if he and Hyunbin's shared that, he had already reminded him of the character on a few occasions before. He however did hope, if he did have as many tattoos, that he would be missing out on Hyunbin's white scars that his friend Kamal had asked him about during the chapter describing said stick n pokes. Yeonjun would never (past or present) want Soobin to do that to himself. 

"Nope."

"What? Why not?"

"You said I'm an angsty drama boy, so I have to be mysterious now."

"It was a joke!"

Soobin folded his arms and turned his head away from the boy sitting to him. "Nope sorry, I only show my true side to the quirky female lead 9 episodes in. We're only on the 3rd one right now."

"Shut up! I am not the quirky female lead here!"

"You areeeeeeee."

"Then we would be love interests. And I don't think we are going to randomly into each other and fall with me on top of you anytime soon."

A pang hit Soobin heart hearing that. Why though? He didn't want them to be love interests in a stupid drama, so it shouldn't be making him feel so let down. He didn't want love. The two were fine as they were.

"Hahaha right." Soobin fumbled making him drop one of his goldfish in the pool. "Oh no! My fishie!"

Yeonjun's eyes widen and started laughing.

"This isn't funny! He's a salt water fish not a fresh water fish!"

Yeonjun clutched his stomach "Bin, you were about to eat it. I don't think it cares."

"I was going to end it suffering, but now it's going to die a slow and playful death!"

"Oh my God you are so pure," he said as he jumped down into the water and scooped up the little snack. "Look he's still alive."

"Idoit, he can't breath nowwwww."

Yeonjun let out a little chuckled and placed the fish on the pool deck and smashed it with his fist. 

"His pain is now over, you're welcome your royal highness."

The other boy poked at the yellow-orange drums and sighed. "You had a good life Mr. Fish. I'll miss youZ"

Yeonjun looked up and smiled, giving Soobon that look. "You know you're adorable right?"

"Huh?"

"You're cute, Bunny."

Soobin blushed and hid his face in his hands. "Stopppppp"

"It's true" 

"Nuh-uh"

"Soobin, you literally are." he said seriously.

The said boy peaked through his fingers and a Yeonjun giving him an almost sad look. He never called him Soobin, it was onto even Bunny or Bin so he knew he was dead serious. 

"Can I?" he questioned while holding his hands in front of him hesitantly. 

Before thinking really hard about it briefly, he shyly nodded his head why was still covered by his palms.

"Listen very closely to me. You are one of the cutest and most beautiful people I know, okay? And I don't want you telling yourself anything bad anymore." Yeonjun whispered after moving his hands from covering his face and interlocking there fingers as he stood between his legs in the pool.

Soobin about died in that moment. 

"Okay..."

"I'm gonna stop touching you now alright?"

"...please don't"

"What?"

"I like it when you touch me Hyung."


	18. Chapter 18

"I like it when you touch me Hyung"

Yeonjun had been thinking about those 8 words for a week now.

What did it mean? Didn't he hate to be touched? He had squirmed out of his touch minutes before. He even said the words like it was a sin. And Yeonjun remembers distinctly how Soobin's voice had lowered to barely above a whisper and his face had turned down in shame when he said them, and how his hands shook within his. He had even looked like he had tears forming in his eyes.

"What if he was just lying to make me not feel bad?" He thought. 

Yes, he did want to touch Soobin, but he didn't want to just because he told him to spare his feelings. He just wanted the other to be completely comfortable with him, and be able to tell him what he was truly thinking and feeling without worrying about the reaction. He saw him keep in what he wanted so many times with his parents and strangers already and it made him so sad. Did he not trust him enough to just say he didn't want him to hold his hands anymore? Why can't he just put himself first?

Yeonjun was deep in thought as he stared at the ceiling of his room in the pitch dark as the door swung open. He could only make out a tall dark figure.

"Hello?"

"Oh, Yeonjun... right. I'm Daiwo." said the figure.

"Oh okay, hi."

"Why are you up right now? It's like 2 in the morning."

"I'm thinking about something. Why are home so late?"

"Oh, I was out with my girlfriend... why are you thinking so hard?"

This was the first time Daiwo had actually been in his own house for a week. Hell knows where he's been for that long, but this is the two's first conversation. 

"Uh, just some boy."

"He a friend?"

"Yeah..."

"Are you gay or something?"

Or something? Why did it sound so harsh when he said that? 

"Uh yeah, actually I am."

Daiwo hummed and walked over to his bed, the small nightlight on the side of it letting Yeonjun see the back of his fried Platinum blonde hair. 

"That's cool. Guys aren't really my thing but some of them are cute... I guess" he said mumbling the last part. 

Yeonjun got a weird vibe from his stepbrother, he could tell he didn't exactly like him, or maybe he was just awkward. But he knew that he didn't feel like he could 100% be himself around him. 

"You should tell your friend that you like him."

"I don't though?"

"Sounds fake but okay. I'm gonna sleep now, I had too much to smoke." He laughed.

"....Okay???"

"Night gay boy."

Yeonjun didn't respond. Gay boy??? "What the hell does he mean by that?" He thought as his phone screen light up.

Nikikikikiki👶🏻: that Hyung who just got home?  
Yeonjun💕🥰: yeah  
Nikikikikiki👶🏻: he's a creep right?  
Yeonjun💕🥰: yea kinda, I don't think he's into the fact that I like guys either  
Nikikikikiki👶🏻: lmao what gave you that idea?  
Yeonjun💕🥰: idk he just seemed weirded out by it and he called me "gay boy"  
Nikikikikiki👶🏻: trust me, he's fine with it💀  
Yeonjun💕🥰: huh?  
Nikikikikikiki👶🏻: huh?  
Yeonjun💕🥰: what?  
Nikikikikikiki👶🏻: 👁👄👁 I said nothing  
Yeonjun💕🥰: ni-ki? Read

Yeonjun read over the conversation a few times before he decided the entirety of his new family members were weird. Ni-ki was addicted to twice and shinee and blasted them at all hours of the day, his Dad always made REALLy bad puns and couldn't cook for the life of him, and Daiwo was... well Daiwo.

Earlier in the Week, Ni-ki told him about how the older would leave for a few weeks at a time and just show up at random times, just to leave again. It had just started when they moved in last month. Even weirder was that he was still in high school and rode the bus, just to get dropped at the house and drive to God knows where. He also said that he had a really weird girlfriend too, they had met once and Ni-ki thought their relationship was odd. 

"I don't know, they just seemed sus." He said when asked about what he meant.

"Clarify Sus."

"It's like they were like hiding something. I think they might be serial killers and that's why he's never home."

Maybe he was a serial killer? He was mysterious and suspicious, so Yeonjun wouldn't rule it out quite yet. If he was sleeping in the same room as a serial killer... he hopes he kills him fast so he doesn't have to think about how a dude with awful bleached hair killed him.

Yeonjun looked over at the bed next to him. The boy was so tall that his feet poked off the end of the bed and his arms dangled off the side. His face was faced down on the pillow and his hair was sticking up in weird places. He hadn't met him yet obviously, so the smushed version of his face put an odd picture of what he actually looked like inside his head. And at further examination, he saw dark hickeys on his jaw and neck that were very visible in the green glow of the nightlight.

"That's disgusting, what his girlfriend do? Try to suck his blood or something?" He thought. 

It sure did look like it. Maybe they are both vampires instead of serial killers? Or possibly vampire serial killers.

He had never gotten a hickey before, he never really got the point or appeal of them, and he's never dating or been involved with someone in that way, but he had heard Soobin complain about them around the time of being with Daehwan. The looked weird if he was being honest.

"Hyungie it won't go away!" Soobin had complained while aggressively dabbing a concealer that was way too light for him on his neck. "My mom is gonna kill me! I told Dae not to give me anymore." 

Yeah. They just weren't for him, especially after witnessing the mess that was Soobin's neck.

To be honest he was shocked when he found out about his friend was sleeping with Daehwan. He never really seemed like the type to do that so early on in a relationship, but he didn't want to pry. 

"Try wearing a scarf maybe?"

"A scarf?! You think I own a scarf?"

"Right sorry... turtleneck?"

"Dude.... do you even know me?"

"Ok sorry sorry, just keep trying the concealer then, maybe it will magically start to work."

"I'll actually kill you."

He missed Soobin. He hadn't seen him since the pool incident, which was only a week ago. But he might be the slightest bit attached to him, so of course, he decided to text him

Yeonjun💕🥰: you up?  
Soobin🌸🌼: did you really just say that?  
Yeonjun💕🥰: say what?  
Soobin🌸🌼: what f-boys say when they wanna smash in the middle of the night  
Yeonjun💕🥰: EYE- Kdhsksh NO  
Soobin🌸🌼: YES YOU DID  
Yeonjun💕🥰: my name is Jared, I'm 19  
Soobin🌸🌼: KCHSKXHDKDBXJX  
Soobin🌸🌼: but yeah I'm up

"Will you stop giggling like a goddamn 5-year-old?" 

"Oh sorry" whispered Yeonjun at an annoyed and sleepy Daiwo.

Yeah, so he definitely was scared of him.


	19. Chapter 19

"B-bin" cried Yeonjun from behind Soobin causing him to turn around.

"Yes- Oh my god Hyung what's wrong!?"

"I-I don't k-know it was just really l-loud downstairs, and I didn't want to say anything cause I thought I could handle it and I didn't want to bother, but it j-just kept getting louder and louder-" He said breaking down in a ramble of words in sobs while hugging himself.

Soobin started to panic. He forgot that he wasn't the only one out of the pair who had sensory problems because Yeonjun was so good at hiding most of the time since he had been aware of his problems since his childhood, giving him time to learn to cope better. Soobin didn't even know how to comfort himself when he had a sensory attack, much less someone else. But he wanted to help him since he knows the feeling of the lights being so bright that it feels like you are breathing in tar. This was the first time he had ever seen the older cry too. He looked so vulnerable and broken like someone had just stolen his candy ice cream or something. Why hadn't Soobin had noticed something was bothering him earlier? Why didn't he see the signs? Why hadn't he been looking when he knows Yeonjun struggles with that kind of stuff?

"Junnie?" He said softly as he hovered his hands over his shoulders. "Can I touch you?"

It was so weird for him to hear himself say that. It was like the entirety of the dynamic of their friendship had been reversed. 

"Y-you don't need to." Yeonjun wept while gasping for air. "You'll just make yourself uncomfortable."

"Hyung... I meant what I said when I said That I like when you touch me. It goes both ways too."

"You're just trying to make me feel better." Said Yeonjun pathetically while pulling at his hair.

"Hey no, stop that."

Soobin quickly grabbed onto the panicked boy's hands and removed them from his head. 

"I didn't ask MYSELF if it was okay to touch you. I asked YOU. Do you want me to or not?" He said as calmly as he could.

"Y-yes please Binnie." The male whimpered.

Soobin frowned and placed a hand onto the back of his Hyung's head to pull it into his shoulder to let him cry into it before he reached an arm down to grab his fluffy "comfort blanket" on the bed next to him, to wrap it around the boy. 

He rubbed the soft fabric up and down his back and arms in a soothing pattern, remembering how his Dad had played music for him during his own meltdown at the hospital months ago. 

"Hyungie do you like it when people sing to you?" He whispered into his ear as he rocked him back and forth. 

Feeling a tiny nod in his neck, Soobin walked the two over to the bed and lightly pushed Yeonjun onto it.

"I start the day." Soobin sang while tightening the blanket around his friend.

"W-what are you doing?

"Shhh, just breath for a little bit. I'm trying to calm you down" 

Yeonjun felt soft fingertips cupping his face and a body climbing over his seated body to straddle his lap and sit in it. He looked up with his teary eyes only to have Soobin wrap his arms around the top of his shoulders and place his chin on the crown of his head as the gentle singing returned. 

"I start the day

Filled by you

When I'm alone

I feel uneasy

You come to my cloudy heart

With your warm voice

Baby, I'm falling for you

I love you, our love is true

Hug me. Time is passing by

I love you, our love is true

Hug me. Don't let me go

After a tiring day

It's always your smile

Every time I'm with you

I feel comfortable

You come to my cold heart

With your warmth

Baby, I'm falling for you

I love you, our love is true

Hug me. Time is passing by

I love you, our love is true

Hug me. Please don't ever change

I love you

Our love is true

Hug me"

Soobin's voice filled the cool air of his room and made the older not even realize the hands he had wrapped around the midsection on top of him, and how his face was nuzzled into his chest.

"Junnie are you better now?" Soobin quietly whispered, making Yeonjun give with a little tired nod when he played with the black locks within his fingertips under him. 

"Thank you."

"You're welcome Hyungie."

"Can we stay like this for a while?"

"Of course."

Soobin moved his hands down from his hair and to his neck, holding it at its sides, making Yeonjun look up from his chest. The cute little puppy eyes he was sporting sent little giggles fly out of him.

"Hi." He whispered with a stupid grin on his face, wiping away some tears leftover on the cheeks before him.

"Hi, bunny."

The two had stared at each other with said stupid grins and blushing cheeks that couldn't be seen under the dim lighting, barely two inches apart, nose's brushing every time one of them moved.

"I love you," said Yeonjun out of now where.

Suddenly Soobin felt sick. Everything that was going on hit him all at once. Why were they so close? Why was it for bothering him? Why was he on his lap? Why was Yeonjun so okay with it? And Yeonjun was in love with him? The can't be. That would ruin everything. Literally everything. 

"Yeonjun I-

"As a friend you dumb dumb."

Relaxation returned. "Oh okay."

Was Soobin relieved or disappointed? He couldn't tell. 

"I love you too."

The tall boy began to sit up and climb off his Hyung when he felt a strong grip on his hips that pulled him back down, closer than before

"Don't leave... please." Yeonjun said with sad eyes and eyebrows scrunched, their foreheads resting against one another.

The familiar feeling of being scared to death of his desires swept over Soobin. Yeonjun's eyes were bright and innocent as the looked up at him while pleading. His eyes made Soobin feel things that definitely he did not want. Yeonjun was scaring him again.

"I... I- um" he stuttered before moving his hands onto Yeonjun's to gently and sadly push them off but keeping their fingers touching as long as he possibly could. 

"I need to take a shower." Soobin mumbled awkwardly. Tension thick in the air.

"Oh... okay. That's fine."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Soobin now sat at the bottom of the shower as the stream from above him rained down to burn his skin. If the water was hot enough he'd forget about the butterflies he felt when looking at Yeonjun's eyes. Or it would evaporate the stupid stupid hope that His Hyung would forget how close their faces had been to each other, and that he hadn't seen his flushed cheeks.

But what he wanted to go away the most was the "as friends" the boy had added after the sudden "I Love you" confession which had sounded so much more than an "as friends" thing at first.

Soobin's heart was hurting like the night he found out his first love had cheated on him. A dull aching pumped through his body and numbness tingled his bones. He didn't like Yeonjun, he just liked the idea of someone giving him attention, that's all. He couldn't like Yeonhun like that. Yeonjun was too good for him. Yeonjun deserves someone more pretty, more confident, more assertive, and less anxious and insecure. He deserves someone who isn't afraid of their feelings for him. He deserves a person who will crawl to the top of a Mountain and shout to the entire world about how much they love him. He deserve's someone who doesn't mess up things for everyone all the time. He deserves someone who isn't him.

Cause that person isn't Soobin.


	20. Chapter 20

Taehyun and Beomgyu had been going on little "dates" for a while now. And Tae still didn't if know if actually liked the other or not, but he did know he enjoyed his presence. 

"Tae?" Beomgyu said after a long silence in a park the two had decided to have a picnic in, located somewhere in between their hones.

"Yeah?" He asked with a mouth full of a sand-which.

"What are we?"

Taehyun had been waiting for this. He had been dreading it for about a month now. He didn't know the answer. He couldn't tell if he enjoyed being around Gyu because he developed feelings for him, or if he just liked the attention and affection he'd shower him with. He felt bad for not knowing too. A part of him knew that he was somehow using the boy and his feelings. He could see how much he liked him whenever he looked at him, and it made him feel shameful for the things he was doing.

"Uhhhh... I don't know..." 

"Are you ever going to?" Beomgyu asked with a sad but hopeful voice that cut into the other's guilty thoughts.

He felt so bad. Beomgyu looked so sad and disappointed like he knew what he had been staying up at night thinking about for so long.

"I'm sorry, I don't know," Taehyun mumbled in shame. 

Beomgyu frowned and picked at the bowl filled with grapes, plucking them off and snapping the vines. He couldn't help but feel like nothing was ever going to change. He didn't know what was worse, Taehyun deciding that he didn't like him back after he had put so much of his time and effort into him, or if he would just keep dragging out confirming his feelings to make Beomgyu keep feeling doubtful and nervous for the future.

He was starting to believe Taehyun just loved him. And would never be in love with him. He didn't look or talk to him the way he did. And that's what's holding him back. He wants to Love him with his entire being, but some things just don't work out the way you want them to.

He also hopes the younger wasn't just trying to spare his feelings by continuing to go on dates. Or that he wasn't using him to try and get over his Cousin quicker. If that was the case he wishes he would just get it over with and reject him already instead of dragging it out. He didn't want to be his second choice, especially when Taehyun had always been his first. 

Taehyun was all he had right now since Yeonjun had dropped out. His dorm was constantly filled with a somehow loud silence, and he wishes his friend would just be back annoying him while doing his school work. 

"You know you can tell me if you don't actually like me. I'll be ok." He whispered with his face downturned. 

Taehyun winced. His fears that he was just hurting the other were coming true.

"Gyu I- I really don't know if I do or not if I'm being honest."

"Well can you just stop then?" 

"Stop what?"

"Pretending that you do know. I can't just keep following you around until you figure it out while all it does is make me feel bad."

"I'll figure it out soon, okay?"

"How long is soon? Because if you really liked me back you'd know by now."

"I-"

"Maybe we should just stay as friends... it wouldn't hurt as bad," Beomgyu said looking off.

He didn't want to be doing this right now, he wanted to just keep playing pretending and living in his delusional fantasies of the two for a little bit longer. But it would just leave him heartbroken in the end.

"If that's what you want..."

"It is."

Beomgyu felt down. 

"Taehyun?" He asked while looking up. "Do you think I could kiss you just once before we end everything and go back to being just friends?"

"Gyu, I don't think.."

"I know... I know it will just hurt me. But please, just once."

"Okay."

Taehyun scooted over and kneeled in front of the cross-legged Beomgyu. He cupped his face and looked to his eyes that were laced in sadness. 

"You're sure about this?"

Beomgyu nodded and held onto the maroon sweatshirt he was wearing in his fists with desperation. If he held onto it tight enough he could forget about how badly this all hurt. 

"Certain." He said breathlessly while staring at the lips of the boy he liked.

Taehyun whispered a soft 'okay' and hesitantly leaned forward to connect the two's lips. Beomgyu's heartbeat out of his chest and flew into his stomach within milliseconds and the familiar fireworks that had become a recent occurrence began to boom in the sky above him... He had been wanting and craving this for so long. He had even dreamed about it at night on several occasions since meeting him in March. So he pulled the boy impossibly closer and tried to save every minute of it before he backed away

"I'm sorry," Taehyun said with closed eyes and a forehead against his

What affected Tae the most was how when he opened his eyes, Beomgyu was still looking up at him with almost tearful eyes like he was the most precious thing he'd ever seen. He wished he could like him like that, he really did.

"It's okay." He said with sorrow masked with a forgiving smile

He knew it wasn't okay, but it was Taehyun. So it didn't matter. 

Taehyun couldn't get the events of the day out of that head that night. He wouldn't lie, he did feel something when he kissed the boy, his lips against his had felt like when you listen to your favourite song and the bass buzzes within your skull. And It had felt exactly like when he and Yuna first kissed. 

However, he had already toyed and screwed with his feelings enough. After all, he was right, they were better as friends. 

He had been laying on his bed while thinking this. He was looking through posts on his phone trying to distract himself, the eyes of Beomgyu were plaguing his mind and the whole feed was boring and useless and nothing was catching his attention. Social media just hadn't been doing it for him recently. Why would you scroll for hours looking at a series of pixels that formed other people's lives that just would make you feel insecure about your own? And it's not like anyone messaged him on them either, he had ghosted so many people because he began to hate the "wyd?" texts that were filled with the person on the other screen's boredom and need to feel wanted. Everyone gave up trying to talk to him except Soobin, Yeonjun, and Beomgyu. Even the photos of his family members and loved ones seemed boring, they always said and looked the same. Or at least they had until he came across a post made by Yeonjun's mom on Facebook who had recently friended her.

"So glad to have my new stepsons." Read the caption of the picture of her with her arms resting over the shoulders of two boys.

At first glance the picture was fine. Just a mom and her sons. But Taehyun felt odd looking at it, and chills racked his brain when he realized why. It was made on the right of her. He knew him. Except he looked different than the last time he saw him. He had gotten more muscular and had dyed his hair an awful blonde, even grown some facial hair. Taehyun almost didn't recognize him at first even though he had just seen him a few months ago at school. This wasn't good.

Tae👽: hey um Hyung?  
Yeonjun💕🥰: yea?  
Tae👽: what's your step brother's name?  
Yeonjun💕🥰: ni-ki  
Tae👽: no the other one, the one that gives you the creeps  
Yeonjun💕🥰: oh Daiwa  
Tae: huh? I thought-   
Yeonjun💕🥰: thought what?  
Tae👽: never mind don't worry about it 

Maybe Taehyun's mind was just playing tricks on him after all.

It couldn't have been him anyway. That was too crazy. Even if the resemblance had been uncanny


	21. Chapter 21

Yeonjun had recently gotten a job at the local daycare with Huening Kai (who had told him about said place)., beck he was trying to save up money so he could move out and rent an apartment that he and Soobin could live in. He was originally planning to be by himself, but when talking about it in passing to Soobin's parents they suggested that they move in together since he'd just graduated and started making money writing for an online blog and could help him pay bills. Which of course the two friends both immediately loved. taehyun might even join too after he graduates, but he still hasn't decided.

"What if you guys just buy a bus and make it a tiny house instead?" Said Taehyun in the living room if Yeonjun while watching him and Soobin look at apartment prices,

"Would that be cheaper?" 

"I don't know, you could probably just look it up"

"You right."

The pair realized pretty soon into their research that they'd have to save up for quite a while. 

"It'd be cool though" Yeonjun responded as the sound of footsteps filled the room. 

"Hey, Hyung do you know where my- Soobin?

"Ni-ki?" asked the said boy who was now looking up from his seat next to Yeonjun and Taehyun on the couch. 

"what are you doing here?"

"I'm friends with Yeonjun. What are you doing here?"

"I live here."

"What do you mean you live here?"

"Like as in my Dad got married to his Mom and we moved in. That's why we are on a different bus now."

"Wait- so you're Yeonjun's stepbrother now?"

"Yes."

"No that's impossible. That would make D-"

"Yes, it would. He shares a room with Yeonjun."

"I thought that was Daiwa?" 

"Yeah, Daiwa, as in Daehwan's Japanese name."

At that moment an eery aura crashed into the room at full speed. The three friends upon the couch stared at each other

Taehyun froze. He hadn't been seeing things. He really did see Yeonjun's brother as the right person that night a few days ago. And he should have said something when he saw the familiar decorations in Yeonjun's room when he had went to go get something in it earlier for him just moments before. He could have stopped Soobin and him from coming over if he hadn't been so suspicious of it even being possible. 

"Excuse me what?! There is no way Daiwa is the bitch that cheated on Soobin." Yeonjun scoffed. 

"He cheated on him? asked Ni-ki

"Yeah, he very much did."

"How did you not know it was him?" asked Taehyun

"Well, I haven't exactly seen the guy's face outside of being smashed into a pillow in a room with very small lighting the one time he actually was home. And I saw him once for like two seconds 2 months ago and back then he didn't have bleached hair that looks like he almost burned it off. How did you not know?

"Well I did for a second, or at least I thought about it, that's why I texted you last week asking his name. But it wasn't Daehwan so I just thought I was going crazy."

"Oh my God."

"This can't be happening."

"I'm afraid it is. And he's literally home right now." Ni-ki spoke.

"I'll beat the bitch up if he is-"

"are y'all fucking with me?" Soobin said quietly. 

"Bin what? What do you mean?" asked Yeonjun.

"This isn't some sick prank right?"

"No of course not, why would it be?"

"Well, it's pretty rare when the guy who cheated on and sexually abused you just so happens to be one of your best friend's new stepsiblings."

"He sexually abused you?!?!?" the three boys screamed in shock all at once. 

Soobin flinched. He recognized this feeling. The feeling where everything in the room became 500 times louder, and it felt like the walls were caving in on you. The feeling where your mind drifts off into places you thought you would never see again. 

"Yeah, a few times, so quite frankly I do not want to be in this house anymore."

It was like he could smell the cologne that Daehwan used to wear vividly now, and he was hyper-aware that the man that broke his heart was now related to Yeonjun. 

"Soo-"

"What are you doing here?" said a cold voice behind Ni-ki.

"Dae-"

"The fuck are doing in my house?"

"Excuse me, hello??? Your house? This is barely the second time I've seen you here! Why the fuck did you abuse him?!" Yeonjun spoke.

"What- are you really going around spreading that around? I. Didn't. Abuse. You."

"Really?!? Want the memories to just poof out of my mind somehow?!? Cause I've been trying for a good three or four months and they won't!" Soobin yelled in frustration. 

Tears began to run down his cheeks. The second he saw Daehwan walk into the room every single feeling and memory he had repressed came back all at once. He was quickly beginning to drown in his emotions and memories.

"Yea I do! Cause it never happened in the first place! You are insane!."

"REALLY?!? Are kidding? Didn't HAPPEN?!? Tell that to the nightmares I get every night, or tell that to them" he shook while pointing at his two friends. "I barely even have let touch me once since you came around because even the slightest touch makes me reminds me of you!"

Taehyun watched in shock and placed a hand on his best friend's shoulder, making him jump away.

"Hyung-"

"Taehyun I love you, but for the love of God if you touch me again right now I'm breaking your fingers"

Taehyun widened his eyes, he had ever seen or heard him be this angry. His face was bright red and his entire body shook. Watching the usually quiet and calm Soobin break down in tears and screaming his lungs out made his heart split in two. He had never realized any of what he was saying. He finally knew why he wasn't able to touch the boy he was so close to. Soobin didn't want his touch because his touch reminded him of a traumatic experience. How hadn't he know about what Daehwan had done to him? What else didn't Soobin tell him?"

"You're A pyscho!!"

"AND YOU ARE A USELESS PIECE OF SHIT DOUCHE WHO TAKES ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL GAIN!" Soobin screamed at the top of his lungs, his voice breaking at the end. 

"MAYBE CAUSE YOU ARE A USELESS PIECE OF-"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!" screamed Ni-ki

Everyone went silent. 

"Get out," he said turning to his brother. 

"What? You're not telling me you believe him?"

"I am. You literally have a criminal record for being a dick to the people you date. And Yeonjun has been a better brother to me in a month than you have in 15 years, and Soobin is a friend, so get out, go leave and disappear for another 2 weeks or something. Either that or tell Dad."

Daehwan scoffed and slammed the door behind him leaving the room to be filled with silence, and everyone turned to Soobin.

Yeonjun began to cry. "Bunny why didn't you ever say anything?"

"What was I supposed to do, say "hey don't touch my neck or else I'll have a war flashback to my shitty ex who I am still hopelessly in love with."?"

Yeonjun felt nausea building within him. He thought back to every time he had touched Soobin without thinking. Like the other day when he was crying himself and had tried to get the male to stay on his lap by pulling on his hip. He made him feel scared. Yeonjun made Soobin think he was like the person who hurt him. He thought he was trying to do something to him he didn't want. That cut deep into him, he regretted every time he had laid every finger on him.

"I am so sorry."

"It's fine, you didn't know. No one did." Soobin huffed as he wiped tears off his face with the end of his sweater. 

"How many times?" blankly said Taehyun. "How many times did I drop you off at his and leave you alone with him so I could go on some stupid date while he was hurting you."

"Taehyun," Soobin exclaimed in shock.

"How many damn times?!"

"... four, but you only dropped me off for two of them."

Taehyun let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his forehead as he sat back onto the couch.

"You didn't tell me?"

"You had your own things to worry about?"

"You mean my girlfriend cheating? Like I give a shit, he hurt you!"

"So?"

"So I care about you!"

Soobin breathed in deeply. "Look, I barely even told myself, much less you two."

Yeonjun and Taehyun made sad eye contact from the opposite sides of the couch. 

"Imma kill him in his sleep," murmured Yeonjun.


	22. Chapter 22

"I'm moving out."

"But you just moved in."

"No, out of Daiwa and I's room, Ni-ki said I could move my bed into his. Or I'll even take the basement couch."

"Ok that's fine... did something happen between the two of you? 

Yeonjun rolled his eyes and rubbed his face with both of his hands "yeah you could say that."

His mom gave a weird look at his statement.

"He- I'm just friends with his ex and it's really awkward, okay?

It was actually more the awkward, before Daehwan bad left to his knows where again last night, the two had gotten into at least 4 arguments. And Yeonjun was afraid that'd he get himself wound up in Jail for murder.

"Which ex???" Asked his stepdad at the other end of the kitchen who had been quiet up until that point.

"Soobin."

"Soobin? No, they were just friends, Daiwa said he doesn't like boys."

"What do you mean just friends? They dated like 2 months ago."

"He was dating Yuna from next door two months ago, they've been together for 3."

Yeonjun stood there in shock. Did Daehwan seriously pretend they weren't dating in front of his parents?

"Yeah they did, he cheated on Soobin with her. And Yuna was dating his best friend at that time."

"Wouldn't he have told us if he dated a boy? Especially one that he cheated on."

"I don't know, he seems kind of closed off Honey."

"Well, Ni-ki knew."

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"Mhm, and I only knew because I walked in on them kissing once." Ni-ki said "And I don't know why he kept it a secret. You two would have been fine with it."

"Well he's f-ing weird, and he's lucky he's never home."

"You know most of the time he's just at Yuna and Beomgyu's right?" Said his Mom.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, at least that's what he told me yesterday when we got mad at him for never being here." Said his step Dad.

"Huh okay then," Yeonjun said. "So I can move into Ni-ki's?"

"Yeah go help him move his bed, Ki."

The younger nodded and grabbed his brother's sleeve before walking down the hallway.

"Do you like Soobin Hyung?" He whispered so the parents wouldn't hear.

"No, what gave you that idea?"

"You just looked at him funny yesterday, that's all."

"Looked at him funny?"

"Yeah, it was the look your Mom gave my Dad on their wedding day."

"I don't look at him that way."

"Yes Hyung, you do. Your eyes started looking like that one uwu emoji-like they were all sparkly. And it looked like you were planning to confess your undying love for him at any second. Him too." The boy chuckled while opening the door to his two brothers' room.

"Wait, him too?"

"Mhm, I was waiting for one of you to pounce on the other and start making out with them."

"Well, we don't like each other." Yeonjun laughed, grabbing on the end of his bed. "Will you get the other side?"

"Sure. And you're telling that someone who has to witness him staring at your lips for 2 minutes straight."

"What? He never. He's like a kid to me."

"Sweet Home Alabama."

"Ni-ki I'll actually drop this bed on you."

"Ok ok fine, just don't be surprised when he kisses you one day."

"He's not gonna kiss me."

"Yea keep telling yourself that."

Yeonjun thought this entire conversation was stupid. Soobin didn't like him like that, and he was still getting over Daehwan. And he never showed any signs of having feelings either. They acted as friends, very close friends, but still just friends and nothing more.

Yeonjun suddenly stopped midway in the hallway with the bed still in his hands.

"I like it when you touch me Hyung."

Had he misinterpreted that wrong after spending such a long time thinking about what it really meant?

"Hyung? What's wrong?"

"Oh um nothing. Let's keep going."

As the two siblings continued down the hall and into Niki's room, Yeonjun's mind swam back and forth between all the different things Soobin had said to him in the past two months

"You have cute lips."

"I had a dream where we got married."

"You're like Prince Eric and I'm Ariel."

"I love you Hyungie."

Maybe he had seen their relationship in a completely different way than the other had after all. Yeonjun wasn't the best at reading social cues to be honest. 

Amid his mind storm, one particular thing made Yeonjun Completely drop his bed from his hold, only 2 feet away from it was supposed to be.

The song he had sung to him. The lyrics. They differently weren't something you'd sing to someone in a platonic way. 

"Oh my God, Soobin is in love with me."

"I thought you said he didn't like you like that?" Smirked Ni-ki with his hands on his hips

"Well now that I think about it. He might."

"Do you love him back?

"No. I don't want to hurt him to though if he really does."

The younger of the two looked up from the bed he had begun to push against the wall with a 'are you serious look," to glare at his brother. 

"What???"

"You are dense."

"What? No, I'm not."

"Seriously? You've never looked at him and gone "oh maybe I think of him more than a friend."

"Well, there was this one time."

"And it was????"

"Well he was sitting on my lap-"

"He sat on your lap?! Hyung!" 

"I- yes- but that's, not the point."

"Not the point? Dude that's hella sis?"

"No it was in a friend way, it wasn't sus."

"You were literally JUST about to tell me how the time you thought of him more than a friend and it started with lap sitting. Trust me, it's sus."

"Ok whatever, sure maybe it was a little sus. But like it was only cause I was crying. And he was giving me a stupid smile and I don't know why but it made me feel all warm inside and I said I love you, but I meant it in a friendly way. For a second I thought I said it cause I actually meant it. But I decided it wasn't the case."

Ni-ki stared at him and just shook his head. 

"I knew you were stupid, but this, this is just dumb on so many levels."

"No, it's not!"

"I'll put $30 on you two dating within the next 4 months."

"fine, but you'll lose."

"Says you, but I however, smell a new Shinee album coming my way." Ni-ki sang.

"And I think you should get your nose checked out; you might have delusional nostril syndrome."

Yeonjun then felt a pillow colliding with his face.

There was no way he liked Soobin back. If he wasn't even right about his friend's feelings towards him.

Yeonjun simply saw him as someone who he felt he needed to protect and care for, in a platonic and almost parental way. And he hopes with his entire body that he never has to reject him. He didn't want to see the look on his face if he did. 

It wouldn't happen though. He remembers the boy saying how he didn't want to ever be in a relationship again after his breakup. And he definitely still wasn't over what happened, as proven by yesterday's yelling session. And he didn't seem like the person to fall out of love easily either. 

Soobin was so pure and loving all the time, so there was no way in hell that he was one of those people who would date around or just go on and forget the person they were dating the second split. And Yeonjun remembers how often he saw him cry about it, and even still cries about it. 

If he did love Yeonjun. He wouldn't ever say anything. He still loved Daehwan after all.

Yeonjun's brain hurt for the rest of the day as he tried to wrap his head around everything. And he just needed someone to talk to about it that he was close to.

"Yeonjun???" rang a surprised voice through the phone.

"I miss you."


	23. Chapter 23

"So you think he likes you?" 

"I think it's a possibility." Yeonjun corrected as he swirled his straw around his vanilla iced coffee.

"Fair enough."

"What about Taehyun? Are you together? I haven't heard anything from him."

"No, we aren't. I told him I wanted to just be friends."

"Oh, what made you say that?"

"Well, the only reason we started talking was that he found out that I liked him. But after a while, I realized he probably was never gonna like me back, so I just called it off."

"That sucks, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, at least we ended on a good note."

"True."

After Yeonjun called they decided to meet up at a Starbucks between the two's places. The two then sat in silence, sipping on their drinks. They both had so much they wanted to talk about, after all, it had been over 2 months since they split.

"I'm sorry." They both said at the same time.

"No, no, I was the one being dramatic."

"And I was the one that was being stupid for not listening to you."

"I get it, you like him, it's fine."

"...okay"

"Can we just pretend like it didn't happen?"

"Yeah."

"..."

"..."

"Is it true Daehwan is your brother now?"

"Oh my god yes! I almost soccer punched him last night! You wouldn't even believe the shit Soobin said to him."

"I heard a bit from Tae, but he said some of it was personal."

"Yeah, it was. But it was still scary. It was like watching a rabid bunny try to attack a bear."

"I didn't even know Soobin could get angry."

"Neither did I! He's always so cute!"

".....are you sure you don't like him?"

"Jesus! Why are you the third person now! He's like my kid!"

"Well ok then, I didn't need to know you had a Daddy kink."

Yeonjun gasped and dramatically turned his head to Beomgyu, before jumping on him in the middle of Starbucks and attacking him with air punches, making the workers stop and stare. 

"Ya! Get your head out the Gutter! I do not have a Daddy kink!" 

"Ok fine! Get off me!" Beomgyu giggled as he pushed him back to his seat. 

"I hope you pray later tonight you sinner." 

"Me a sinner? Never!"

"Need I remind you the time I saw yo-"

"Ok, that's enough!" Rushed Beomgyu as he slapped a hand over the other's mouth.

The friends then began to laugh loudly and subconsciously leaned into each other. 

"I did miss you Gyu."

"I missed you too."

——

Ni-ki had already fallen asleep and could be found in a pile of bodies tightly smushed together with two of the boys that lived across the street when Yeonjun arrived home. It was late but he was at all tired since he just had coffee, and his mind still wouldn't quite shut up about the whole conversation from earlier in the day. He sat next to the open window seal in his new room and hat his head leaned up against the wall behind him as he blankly at the sky filled with stars. 

"That one is Scorpio. And that one over there is Sagittarius! Oh And look Capricorn!"

Even the damn stars reminded him of Soobin. If only the boy wasn't so obsessed with constellations and astronomy (which included endless astrology knowledge) and spent an hour explaining where everything was located that time the two decided to climb on top of his roof at 2 in the morning the day Yeonjun tried to teach him to swim, he would be able to look at the night sky without suddenly being aware he couldn't go two seconds with thinking about him. Even the coffee he had drunk while reuniting with his friend made the talk boy drift into his thoughts. 

"I bet Soobin would like to try this. He loves coffee." He remembers thinking while catching up with Beomgyu. 

Or when he drove home and Soobin's favourite song came on and he thought about the time he almost crashed his car trying to watch him dance around in one of his many oversized sweaters.

God, how was he missing him when he had just seen him yesterday?

What if he really did like him ba-

Ding ding ding 

Yeonjun's eyes almost popped out of his skull as he rushed to his phone and turned off the ringer, scared to wake the younger boys in the room. 

"Shit, will you shut up." He panicked in his head. As he viewed the rush of notification coming in.

@choibinbin posted chapter 20  
@choibinbin posted an announcement:  
Hi, guys^^ sorry I've been gone for so long. I've had a weird few months☆〜（ゝ。∂）   
@choibinbin posted an announcement:  
I'm back no though, and I'll try to update more often!

Yeonjun audibly gasped as he looked down. The said author hadn't uploaded in nearly 2 and a half months now, and he just randomly spams posted a chapter out of nowhere. 

He quickly opened the app and with scrambling fingers. He's been waiting to know what would happen with Hyunbin and Jaeho's relationship for way too long now, so long that he had almost stopped thinking about it. He had to start reading right this second. 

Glass Box   
By @choibinbin  
3k reads 400 stars 22 parts

Where Hyunbin feels like he lives trapped within a glass box and no one seems to see him.

~Chapter 20~  
"I SAID GET OUT!"

"Damn ok, fine." He said with his hands raised in the air. "Have fun trying to find someone who'll love you again."

When the door of his room shut Hyunbin sank to the floor gasping for air. 

His sister and friends were right. 

"Why does my chest hurt so bad?" He whined. 

His entire body hurt. 

Jaeho had promised he'd never hurt him. He said he'd love him forever. He said he would protect him. 

He lied

Love doesn't exist. 

Love is cruel and fake.

Love is pain.

Love brings heartbreak.

Love holds bad memories 

Hyunbin no longer likes love. He wishes it didn't exist. If it didn't he wouldn't have experienced the hurt that was being cheated on. And if it didn't he wouldn't have such a hard time breathing right now.

"He's all I had..." he whispered in his bed. "What's the point anymore?"

Yeonjun's mouth fell out of place. The last chapter had been so eery and suspicious, yet he had no idea why. And now he was being bombarded with his favourite character losing what almost his entire personality was built around. Love. 

His mind once again filled with Soobin. He felt apart of his heart crumble. Hyunbin and Soobin were so alike in so many ways, and now they both had got cheated on. Did Soobin's heart hurt this bad too? What if he still felt this way? 

Yeonjun shut his phone, suddenly not wanting to read anymore. He sighed and stood up and walked out the room as quietly as he could towards the kitchen.

The sound of water falling into a glass cup was the only noise within the quiet house before Yeonjun leaned onto the counter on the back of one of his hands. He sipped and the cold water went over his imaginations of Soobin the night he broke up with his now StepBrother. And remembering the tears and desperate gasps for air, made Yeonjun realize something. 

Ni-ki was right.

He did like Soobin. 

All those times he felt like he needed to protect or hold the younger wasn't just him feeling an almost parental type of affection, it was a type that he had only read about. He just hadn't realized it because he had never had any type of fantasy he created from a book actually exist in real life. He wasn't looking for it so he completely missed it when he was right in front of him. And all those times he had wanted to wrap his arms around him and tell him how precious he was to him, was most definitely as Ni-ki would put it "sus". And the way he couldn't take his eyes off Soobin's outlined shoulder blades and faint ribs in the shirt he had been wearing in the pool that shown of his thin waist so well, was in no way a "wow look my friend looking snatched" situation. 

Yeonjun began to think about the boy's thin top lip that would puff up whenever he pouted or disappear when he smiled, and his hair that he was always messing with, and his dimples. And god those eyes. Everything about him. 

"Bitch!" He quietly shouted at himself, causing a light echoing across the kitchen.

He was fucked. He didn't want to hurt him. He shouldn't have to go through that again.


	24. Chapter 24

Nine people sat eating in a room, four at the kitchen counter, five at the table. 

"Why are none of you of you talking?" Asked Beomgyu's mom.

All the teenagers awkwardly looked around at each other and no one answered. You could hear every single tap of a fork against glass plates, and every inhale and exhale of breath. Tension was thick in the air.

Soobin and Yeonjun made eye contact for a split second and the taller quickly looked away to the floor. Taehyun and Beomgyu glared at Yuna who was practically sitting on Daehwan's lap who had been sporting an annoyed face for the past five minutes. And Huening Kai was just sat picking at his food in a state of confusion. 

"Come on, you all are friends, even if two of you used to date!" Beomyu's dad exclaimed while pointing at Taehyun and Yuna. 

"Um, Dad, I think you should just be quiet." A quiet voice mumbled. 

"What? Why? Your generation is so weird, just have some conversations. Ask each other about their day or something."

Beomgyu sighed and leaned over to his dad and whispered to him for good thirty seconds while seven pairs of eyes watched them.

"Oh... ok nevermind. Just eat quickly." The man said in rush and started shovelling food in his mouth.

Yesterday had been the start of Beomgyu's summer break, he had invited all his friends over ( he recently gotten close to Kai through the others) the second he had unpacked. Everything was going well until they all had been called to dinner and bumped into Daehwan and Yuna in the hallway. 

"Beomgyu- Uhh-hey, this is my Boyfr-"

"I know who he is." 

"Oh have you met before? Was it at Yeonjun's?"

"No, I mean he broke Soobin's heart and my best friend so happens to be very close and protective of him so I've heard a lot of shit."

"Oh."

"Yeah oh." He had said, slightly pissed off before pushing Taehyun, who he had seen awkwardly looking at his ex, down the hallway by the top of his shoulders, the other three friends following. 

"I'm sorry Soobin, I knew Yuna would be here, but I didn't know he would." The male whispered as they walked down the stairs. 

"I-its okay." The boy softly mumbled with a shake in his voice that had caused Yeonjun to frown.

As all of them quickly tried to finish eating, eventually little conversation began to finally erupt in the room. 

"You don't have to eat that Bun." Yeonjun reassured Soobin who was trying to force him to eat food that he didn't like. The texture just didn't feel right.

"Is that really him?" Kai nudged Taehyun who just nodded. 

"Hey, Beomgyu! Are you and Taehyun dating?" 

"Babe! You can't just-" Yuna said in half horror at her boyfriend.

"What? You said you were wondering!" 

"It's not your place to ask though!"

"Why not? You said he liked him!"

"I don't even know if Taehyun knows you, idiot. Be quiet!"

The two were now very poorly whisper yelling towards each other and the boys being talked about exchanged an extremely awkward look from across the table. 

"Uh hello excuse me!" Kai spoke with a raise of the voice. "You know we can still hear you right?"

A slap sound echoed across the room as Yuna hit her boyfriend's arm. 

"Dae! You could have just outed Beomgyu!"

"I did not-"

"I already knew." Taehyun had to half yell them to even be noticed. "And what is it to you? I like him and I don't think it should concern you if we are dating or not after what you did.”

"Wait you like me?"

"Yes."

Soobin widened his eyes. This was the first time he had been hearing about this. And his eyes almost exploded as he saw Beomgyu rush to push his chair from out under the table and grab Taehyun's arm to drag him out of the room. 

"Ooooooooo. Someone's gonna get." Smirked Daehwan. 

"You know not everything is about sex right?" Soobin spat to a now surprised Daehwan.

"When did you become so fiesty?"

"The second he realized you were a piece of shit." Yeonjun sasses. 

"I wasn't talking to you.”

"Okay! That's enough. You're done eating now, you all leave the kitchen before something bad happens." Interrupted Beomgyu's Mom. 

"What? Aunty C'mon seriously!"

"Save it, young lady! Go take your little boyfriend upstairs before he starts anything else."

"Ugh! Fine, come on Dae-Dae."

Yeonjun visibly gagged at the nickname and started to stand up and grab dishes off the table. "We'll help clean up Mrs. Choi."

"Thank you Jun-ah."

While the three friends were picking up, Beomgyu was found pacing around his room with Taehyun sitting on the bed, his hands on his lap. 

"Did you mean it?" He asked as he stopped in front of him.

The boy gave a nod and the older shook his head in disbelief. 

"No, if you are gonna tell me that. It's not gonna be by you saying something to my cousin, or just nodding. I want you to actually say it....to me... verbally."

"I like you... like a lot."

Beomgyu started down at him with a soft smiled and blinked before he started to shake his head once again.

"No there is no way. You can't just suddenly like me after we decided to be only friends. We literally talked for like a month and a half and you're just now coming to this conclusion???"

Taehyun blushed heavily in embarrassment and spoke in a small voice "I well- I. I just guess I can't tell I have feelings for someone unless they are treating me like absolute shit." 

"Huh?"

"You treated me right, and I didn't know how to deal with it. Everyone I've ever liked has always gone out of their way to be a bitch, so I just associated you being nice to me as just friends. So I didn't know I liked you until something happened that made me feel bad... which was you wanting to be just friends. I don't want to be friends Gyu."

"Wait are you saying?"

"I want to be your boyfriend."

Beomgyu's mouth hung open and his heart began to beat incredibly fast. Those words were wrapping around his skull and squeezing it so tight he could no longer think straight. He had like the male for so long now, and it just didn't feel real hearing them.

Taehyun gently stood up and walked to stand in front of him and starting to toy with the bottom of the older's white t-shirt nervously while looking down.

"You’re sweet, and funny. And I love the way you are a little stupid sometimes. Everything you do is so... I don't know... amazingly cute. I want you. And I want you to want me too. 

Beomgyu was feeling so many things at once, he almost felt anxiety at the pit of his stomach, and sadness within his heart, but it was definitely just his wanted to hold the boy in front of him so badly causing it. He didn't even know how long he had been standing there before Taehyun's hand started to pull at the fabric he was holding and his voice returned to his ears at an almost inaudible volume. 

"Gyu, can you say something please?"

He didn't answer, all he did was grab his face and pulled it to his so their lips would crash together

Taehyun gasped and moved his hands up to his chest as his back hit a wall. His breath was knocked out of his lungs and all sense of his reality left him as he felt lips moving against his. Beomgyu was always so gentle and soft with him, but being pushed like that made him like him even more. It was just something more that he got to learn about him. 

Their last kiss was so light and lined with sadness and longing, but this one was filled with happiness and passion. Like every move they made was an attempt to shower the other with love.

A hand moved behind the back of Taehyun’s neck in a desperate attempt to bring him closer, and his own pushed into the other's hair and the back of his shirt.  
The two were holding onto their breaths and each other so tightly that they almost started to see dots of blue behind their closed eyes.

Taehyun flipped them around, Beomgyu now against the wall and he separated their lips. 

"Are you mine now?" Taehyun said with both his hands caging Beomgyu's body and his gaze going back and forth between his mouth and eyes. 

A playful smile tugged on his lips. "No, I just felt like making out with you for the hahas. I’ve always been yours.”

"Good" the blonde whispered with his one palm moving off the wall and going to hold Beomgyu's jaw to kiss him again.

"Oh my God, child pornography! Soobin don't look!" Yeonjun screeched at the door.

Soobin yelped and put his hands over Yeonjun's which were now on his eyes.

"Like you two have never kissed each other before!" Exclaimed Taehyun who still had Beomgyu against the wall.

Soobin then quickly yanked the hands off of his face and gave a very offended look. "We have not! Unlike you two, we are complete, 100%, friends only!"

Yeonjun who was standing behind the boy looked hurt at those words, but he was determined to not show it. 

"Yes, he is my child C'mon. Now get off each other my eyes are bleeding.”

The two rolled their eyes and Beomgyu leaned forward too quickly peck Taehyun, then duck out of his arms. 

"That's kinda sus tho." Kai spoke as he walked past them to plug in his phone. "Imagine being interested in someone, couldn't be me."

"Dude we get it, you're asexual."

"Just making sure you knew."


	25. Chapter 25

"Soobin?"

"Oh um yeah... is Yeonjun home?"

"No they all went out for dinner."

"Oh I'm sorry then, I'll just lea-"

A firm hand grabbed his wrist as he tried to turn around. 

"Wait- what's wrong?"

The hand felt like cold ice biting at his skin.

"N-nothing, I just wanted to talk to him."

"You can talk to me."

"Um- no I'm okay." He spoke nervously.

"C'mon I know you miss me."

"Dae I-"

Daehwan rolled his eyes and pulled the boy into the house, making him stumble a bit.

"Spit it out."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Soobin whispered as he played with his shirt and looked down at his dirty converse.

"Bullshit, you're eyes are red and you have dried tears all over your face."

The skinny boy began to look anywhere but his ex's face. All his feelings he had tried to convince himself he never had were rushing back. 

"Jesus Christ, it's not like you have anybody else around to tell."

Soobin sniffled and tried to reach for the doorknob behind Daehwan, who just proceeded to grab his hand and push it up in front of him.

"Not so fast Bin."

"Please don't call me that."

Daehwan sighed and took the boy's hand that was closed in his fist and placed it on his chest before going to cup his face with both of his palms.

"You can trust me. I know you want to tell me what's wrong darling. I won't judge."

Soobin felt like he hadn't been touched so gently like that in ages, which was true for the most part. He missed physical affection so badly, yet never got it because of the stupid sensory disorder he had and the stupid boy in front of him. So he broke down into tears and looked up into the eyes of the boy he had been trying so hard to forget about for three months.

"I'm just so lonely." He sobbed. "Taehyun and Beomgyu are always being all coupley around me and I just want something like that but I can't because I'm me!!! No one will ever love me! You didn't even love me!!! And I keep telling myself that I don't want love but I still do and it makes me feel like shit!"

Daehwan pulled the boy into his embrace and started rubbing his back. "Honey I told you before, I did Love you. And I still do, okay?"

Soobin lifted his head and sniffled. "You do?"

"Yes, Princess."

"W-what about Yuna?"

"She doesn't mean anything to me. You are the only thing I've thought about for the past few months."

"Really?" Asked Soobin in a soft and hopeful voice.

Daehwan nodded. "Yes, Let me show you?"

The crying boy quickly nodded and soon felt a pair of lips on his. He knew it was wrong. He knew he was dating Yuna. But ever since his best friend started dating Beomgyu, he had been living in a pit of loneliness that he couldn't get out of. And the hands-on-hips made him forget about all the times he's looked longingly at the couple as they held hands. Why couldn't he just be happy like that? Why didn't love come to him that easy?

But right now Daehwan was showing him, love when no one else was. He needed it. 

People only love him when he is undressed

He quickly slid his hands up the male's shirt at his thought and started to kiss him harder, feeling the smirk on his mouth. 

Clothing began to be pulled off and feet began to travel to a bedroom, then bodies began to be pushed on beds. 

Soobin didn't care that he didn't like it. It being the touch of Daehwan or any of what there were doing. He needed the affection, he needed to not feel alone anymore, and he needed to pretend for just this once. And he didn't care that tears were streaming down his face the entire time Daehwan had been on top of him, he just cared about feeling needed by someone. Even if it was someone who was bruising his fragile hips and thighs, and calling him vulgar names that made him nauseous and insecure. And he didn't care when he left him alone with no clothes lying in his bed after he had finished with him. He just cared that he was able to grasp onto something other than himself for once. 

"Are those Hickies?." Gasped Yeonjun a few days after everything unfolded. 

"Yes." He said as he bent down to pick up a piece of trash off his bedroom floor.

Yeonjun's lungs lost all their oxygen and a stabbing sensation punctured his chest. 

"What? Who gave them to you?"

"Uh, just Some guy off of tinder." He mumbled

"You have tinder?"

Well, now he does. When he had gotten home from a long bike ride in the rain from Yeonjun's house he had downloaded it. He decided that if he was too scared of love, and was only good for his body, that he'd just find his affection with a person who would fill his need for a few hours that he never would see again so he wouldn't have to get heartbroken later on down the road.

The empty and numb feeling he got after being treated like a useless toy by Daehwan, was better than the crushing feeling that he was going to die from loneliness every 20 seconds. 

And even though he knew he had lied about loving him, he was glad he got to play his own little game of make-believe for a little while. 

He didn't want to stay up crying his heart out while being afraid to ask for reassurance at three in the morning every day, while he wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Being delusional and blind was better. 

"Yeah."

"Why?" 

"I just, I think I'm ready to date again." He quickly lied with a shrug of the shoulders. 

"Oh."

That hurt Yeonjun. He really thought the other liked him back and that he just didn't want to be in a relationship yet. Looks like he was right, just not in the way he thought. Soobin didn't want to be in a relationship with him.

"So did you guys...."

"Yep."

Yeonjun felt his heart bend uncomfortably at the thought of imagining someone else touching him. They got to see him in his most vulnerable state and probably didn't even have feelings for him. He didn't want a person to touch Soobin like that unless they loved him, even if that person wasn't him.

"Just be careful ok?" Yeonjun spoke after walking over to him and feathering his fingertips against the fading marks on his neck with sad eyes. 

Soobin felt small tingles go down his spine, but he pushed them down into his mind as far as he could, brushing the fingers off him.

"I will."

He didn't care if he was careful. He just cared that he felt important to someone for once.


	26. Chapter 26

Both Soobin and Yeonjun's parents decided to help pay for the first two months of being in their new apartment, as long as they promised to pay them back. That being said the two were currently moving boxes into their very tiny new home.

"Bunny you said you write right?" 

"Uh, yeah why?"

"I just wanted to know what you wrote."

Yeonjun for the past week came across the almost impossible realization that his best friend could be the author behind the book he was reading. He had put one two many pieces together and he was very suspicious. Soobin and Hyunbin both have stick n pokes, both have a friend that worked at a sandwich once, both got cheated on by their boyfriends with their best friends girlfriend, both have a friend who they met through their best friend's ex's cousin, and both have an ex that is the said friend's new stepbrother. It was just too absurd to not be Soobin being behind the writing.

"Well, I usually just write about my life and substitute names."

"...like Hyunbin?"

Soobin turned around in shock, almost dropping the box of books he was carrying onto the floor. Flashes of himself writing a character with that name entered his thoughts. 

"How do you know that?"

"Did you really sleep with Daehwan the other day? You said it was just some guy from tinder."

"What- how-"

"I started reading it before we met, but I didn't know it was you until a few days ago."

Soobin paled and swallowed a thick lump in his throat. Yeonjun knew too much. Everything he had written was only put down because he needed to get things out without having someone he knew worrying about him. Because he couldn’t bear being that vulnerable with someone. If he did read it that meant he was aware of almost every single detail about his life, mind, and feelings.

"Show me your arms."

The boy aggressively shook his head. He felt like he was dying, and like the older was looking into his very core and picking apart every last piece of it. He could feel his heartbeat in his fingertips and his legs felt like they became mush and were to give out at any second. 

"Oh my god- I'm sorry you don't have to." Yeonjun rushed as he saw the ghostly white that was washing over the taller. "Binnie breath, look at me, I'm not gonna judge you. You don't have to show me anything you don't want to."

Soobin felt hands at his face and shoulders that were desperately trying to get him to look forward. He then pushed them off at lightning speed and backed up in fear.

Yeonjun frowned and worry bleed into his stomach. "Soobin. I know you want to be touched, please just don't push me away."

The male felt even more anxiety and nausea seep in. Yeonjun knew about how he really felt. He knew how he was always craving to touch him and always denied himself of it. He knew about the day in the pool, and the day he sang to him, and the day after he broke up with Daehwan.

"I-i'm sorry!" He yelped. 

"Bunny why on earth are you saying you're sorry?!"

"You probably think I'm weird and for all the things I put down about you."

Yeonjun's face softened and walked forward to grab his hands. "No bud, I liked what you wrote. It made me happy."

"It did?" Soobin whispered in embarrassment.

"Yes. And you can touch me whenever you want, please don't stop yourself from it anymore. And please don't go running to others who don't care about you for love." 

He weakly nodded and then started to cry pathetically. "I'm not going to annoy you?"

"You could never annoy me."

"Okay."

"Come here."

Yeonjun then pulled Soobin in his arms and nuzzled his head onto his fluffy sweater. He felt the younger shiver and shake underneath him.

They stood in each other's embrace for at least 15 minutes before Yeonjun pulled away and looked up at the pouting boy and place a hand on his sleeve.

"Can I see them?"

Soon just shyly nodded and let him roll up the fabric. His thumb rubbed over the ink and tiny scars and his hand was gently gripping his arm from behind. 

"Same ones as Hyunbin." He whispered with a little grin.

He then brought the arm up and put little kisses on the places where the scars were most visible. Wanting to love every part of him. 

Soobin now felt so calm after being almost scared half to death a few minutes ago. The gentle lips were so comforting, no one had ever done that before, and he always hoped he finds someone who would do it without being told. At this moment he felt so cares for, and he completely forgot about those stupid tinder boys.

"I'll make you less lonely. You need something or someone come to me. If you need cuddles to come to me. If you need to cry or talk come to me. If I am not here you tell Taehyun or even Beomgyu, he'll listen. Just don't go back to Daehwan, he doesn't care about you."

He doesn’t care that he doesn’t care about him. He just cares that he’s the. 

"Okay..."

"Good, now go take a warm bath and I'll finish unloading."

"But-"

"Nope, I can handle it. Go soak away your worries until your skin falls off."

Soobin giggled and agreed before padding down the hallway to the bathroom. It wasn't that cute of a bathroom, but it was still functioning. The walls were an off-white colour and the counters were light brown and grey, paired with white shower curtains and rugs. 

The warm water shimmered over his slightly tanned skin and dripped down off his hair as he sat in the tub, thoughts filled with his blacked hair friend's lips against his arm. He was always so kind to him. Too bad he couldn't just love him as he did to his stupid ex. Yeonjun wouldn’t hurt him. But he would hurt Yeonjun, and that’s the problem.

In love no matter what happens, someone always gets hurt. And it’s better to be hurt than to hurt someone though. It’s not even like Yeonjun would like him like that in the first but it still made him think. And he’s sure as hell glad that he would never love him like. Like one of his favourite movies said “People say they love you, but what they mean is that they love how loving you makes them feel about themselves. Or they love what they can take from you.” Soobin doesn't want to be that to Yeonjun. 

He hopes he lives a life where he can somehow survive with only platonic love. If he couldn't that means he’s greedy. Some so many people grow old and lived alone, with no kids or grandkids, or even a lover. He could just be like that.

He stared down at his thighs. 

He always bruised so easily. Probably because of the whole iron deficiency and being slightly underweight (he gained a bit from his meal plan) but it still shocked him when he would turn colours from the slightest of touch.

Light shapes of fingerprints painted his upper and inner thighs. They were from last night when he needs to be needed again. He barely even knew the boy's name, and he had gone home and almost scrubbed the feeling of being touched off his skin until he bled. He remembers how the short boy dropped him off at home and he went into his room to have the sensory attack he had been pushing back for at least two hours. He hated being touched by anyone other than Yeonjun and Taehyun, but his touch was all people seemed to care for. 

He felt lost.

Yeonjun tried his hardest to not cry when he heard soft whimpers coming from the bathroom. Knowing what he was probably upset over didn't help either.

Soobin had wrote about crying whenever he saw his body after he willing slept with Daehwan again. 

He is beautiful and he wished he knew that. 

“Bunny?” he knocked on the door, voice filled with concern

“W-what?”

He wanted to tell him all of his feelings for him in that second, but he knew he’d just hurt the other and himself if he did.

“Want me to make you some hot coco baby?”

“Yes please.” 

Baby. That felt nice coming from him. 

He didn't mean it in that way though.


	27. Chapter 27

Sometime on the fourth day of living together, Yeonjun was woke up by a hand shaking him in the middle of the night.

"Hyung I think there is a ghost in my room."

"I thought you didn't believe in them?"

"Well, it must be someone who's trying to kidnap me. Can I sleep in here tonight?"

"I- Yeah sure"

Yeonjun watched as Soobin took his favourite blanket and started to lay it on the floor next to his bed. 

"Woah Woah Woah, ain't no way. You get you ass up on this bed Mr."

"But I hug things in my sleep and I don't want to-"

"Okay and? You think I care if an overgrown bunny koalas onto me?"

"I-"

Yeonjun rolled his eyes and opened up his blanket for the sleepy boy. The other looked around a little before he hesitantly crawled onto the bed and laid down as far as possible from the older, squeezing onto his small sloth plushie named after Albert Einstein. He stared at the wall, stiff as a board.

"You're gonna fall off."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not.

"Yes. You are."

Soobin heard a huff of breath before the bed shifted and he felt a hand pull him into the center of the mattress. The entirety of his back was pressed up against Yeonjun and he could feel his chin on his shoulder, breath fanning his ear. Sloth plushie now long forgot at the end of the bed.

"This okay?" 

Yeonjun now knowing about how the boy wants to be touched, was a lot calmer about touching him, but he was still afraid of pushing him too hard. 

Soobin did like it though,his body felt warm and tingly. But he hated the feeling in his gut given to him by how close his mouth was to his neck. Every hot exhale of breath on his skin made it increasingly worse, and it made him feel guilty for thinking of his friend that way. 

"Soobin?" 

"Oh um, yeah it's fine."

"Are you sure? Your heart is beating really fast."

Soobin widened his eyes and quickly rolled to the other side and slightly scooted down so he was hugging Yeonjun's side, with his head on his chest.

"This is better." He said with a shaky voice.

It was honestly worse, he hadn't realized the other's lack of shirt until this point, and his hand was right above the waistband of his sweatpants and his eyes were so close to his bare skin. He felt a burning sensation on his face.

"Okay Bun."

Yeonjun's fingers played with his soft hair as he hoped the younger couldn't feel how crazy his mind was going right now. The boy he liked was literally laying on him with his cheek smushed against his bare chest and the fluffy material on his pyjama shirt rubbing against his side. 

The younger looked up and saw caring eyes staring down at him, the hand on his hair then moved down to his back and starting rubbing circles.

"Go to sleep." He whispered. 

"Okay"

Soobin couldn't though. All his thoughts were jumbled and his heart wouldn't stop thumping so hard. But he calmed when he began to hear a soft singing underneath him. And the lyrics belonged to the one he had sung to him when was sitting on his lap that one night. 

Yeonjun had decided that the day the boy had to sing to him wasn't a secret way of confessing to him like he originally thought, just that Soobin enjoyed the song and thought it would calm him down, which it did. But that's definitely not his intention by his own singing. 

He watched as the quiet boy's breathing began to settle down and even out. And he stayed singing until he knew for sure that he was asleep. 

"I think I'm hopelessly in love with you Choi Soobin." He mumbled while looking down and pressing a small kiss on his hair.

And Soobin heard every word. Plaguing his mind with instant worries. 

He had always told himself that there was no way he thought of him like that, that's what kept him from his own feelings. It kept him from even beginning to dissect what the butterflies in his stomach meant

And whenever he had woke up the next morning the boy who spoke them was gone, but the bed was still warm. He began to panic.

"Yeonjun Hyung?" he spoke.

"Hyungie?" he said louder.

"Junnie!" 

He felt like whenever Daehwan left him after the last time they slept together. Cold, and lonely. Maybe he heard wrong.

"Yeonjun!!"

Little sounds of footsteps ran through the hallway and opened the door.

"What? What's wrong?"

Soobin sighed in relief and wiped a singular tear off his face. 

"I thought you left me." 

"No bun, I was just making breakfast."

Yeonjun stepped forward towards the bed and wiped Soobin's puffy face off. "Do you want pancakes?"

"Yes please."

"Okay, c'mon you, big baby," he said as he turned his back to him and crouched down.

"No! I'm gonna crush you!"

"You are literally a stick, no you won't."

"Fine."

Soobin untangled himself from the bedsheets and climbed onto his back, wrapping his limbs around him tightly, scared to fall off. Yeonjun held onto the back off his thighs and stood up to run out the room and down the hallway, hearing giggles and yelling to slow down the entire way 

The edge of the kitchen table met the back of his knees as he was set down upon it and he thought about last night. 

Did he mean what he said?

He watched as Yeonjun walked away to the counter and he squeezed his eyes shut as he braced himself for what he was about to do.

"I think I'm in love with you too." 

It was the first time he said it out loud, even admitted it to himself. And the person who it was directed at froze and stared at the cabinets in front of him.

"What?"

"I heard when you said it."

He slowly turned around and made eye contact with the other on the table. The eyes were filling with insecurity and fear. 

"But I can't be with you," he said barely above a whisper. "I can't let either of us get hurt, and I don't want our friendship to be ruined."

Even though it hurt him, Yeonjun completely understood. He also had his own worries about what would happen to their dynamic if they were to start dating one day. And he knew how much it must have taken for Soobin to even say he had feelings for him, much less act on the feeling.

"That's okay. I already knew that you didn't want a relationship. I'm fine with whatever you want."

"Okay."

"Just tell me if I do anything that steps over the line."

"I will."

"Can I hug you?"

"Please."

The older then stepped between the legs on the table and held onto Soobin as tightly as he could, the other doing the same.

"I'm sorry." Soobin suddenly said as he cried into his neck.

"I am too."

He wishes the boy knew that he'd never hurt him and that he has nothing to be afraid of. But he was fine with loving him on the sidelines.


	28. Chapter 28

Yeonjun and Beomgyu watched as Soobin and Taehyun stood at the altar dressed in black suits pinned with tiny white Lilies that matched the ones decorating the room, while a piano played in the background.

Soobin's sister was getting married today. He was the Matron of honour, and Taehyun was a bridesman. Their friend and boyfriend were plus ones. 

"You just tie it!!" 

"I don't know how to!" Panicked Soobin at his and Yeonjun Apartment 30 minutes before they were supposed to be at the event

"I swear to god, Get over here."

"Hurry we're gonna be late!"

"Well if someone knew how to tie a tie we'd be there already."

"Hey!"

Now standing next to his sister, Soobin had a perfectly done tie wrapped around his neck. 

Yeonjun smiled, he'd never seen him so dressed up before. And he looked beautiful. The black fabric of the suit fit his body so well, and his little silver earnings shone under the sparkling lights. He was supposed to be looking at Arin and Johnny, but his attention kept being drawn back to the boy he loved. Yes, he looked a little awkward and nervous because he was a good foot taller than his sister and all her bridesmaids, and he kept fidgeting with his sleeves, but that didn't change how his newly dyed dark brown hair framed his face perfectly, and how his eyes sparkled as he watched the couple exchanged their vows. And Soobin never saw those eyes that were admiring him. He was only looking at the tears coming out of Johnny's eyes. 

"I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labour has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.... and yes that's from the Fault in our stars, but It's true because I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with you Arin."

Soobin made direct eye contact with the boy in the first row, standing between his crying parents and his Best Friend's boyfriend. They stared at each other during the entire quote and only broke when Johnny mentioned the fact that he and Arin got to be together forever. They couldn't be like that. 

Little tears then rushed down his eyes as he heard his sister's own words and the two kissed to be pronounced as married. Her short body then wrapped itself around her brother's waist. 

"Congratulations." He sniffled. 

After all these years she finally found true love and it made him so happy. And the 

The couple then took pictures with friends and family and everyone slowly exited to the room where the party would be before, dancing like idiots twice for their first dance. No one cared though, it was their night after all. 

"Go dance with Yeonjun and stop sitting around!" Whispered his Mom a few songs in.

"But Mom!"

"Nope, go!"

Yeonjun who was sat next to him gave an apologetic looked and lightly grabbed his arm. Things were tense between them ever since Soobin accidentally caught the bouquet of flowers his sister threw and they automatically looked at each other. 

"I don't know how to slow dance..."

"Me either actually."

"Oh, I was hoping you did," Soobin said as he turned to head to left and saw Arin dancing with her Dad. 

"It's fine we can figure out," Yeonjun spoke as he took his hands and put them on his shoulders, and his own on his waist. 

"Shouldn't my hands be on your waist instead?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Cause I'm taller."

Yeonjun's laugh-filled Soobin's ears and shook his head.

"That's not how it works."

"What? How does it work then?"

"You said I was Prince Eric right? That means your Ariel, so I get to hold your cute waist by default."

Soobin blushed madly. For the past week, they have been so cautious about what they said and did to each other, scared to cross unknown boundaries that would make them more than the just friends they decided to be. He got quiet. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"N-no it's okay."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I liked it."

"You did?"

"A lot."

Yeonjun's face turned red and he gave a shy smile before hesitantly pulling him closer. The two giggled and silently agreed that whatever they were doing was okay. Soobin looked down at his eyes before letting out another tiny laugh and taking a small step forward. They both had stupid grins on their faces and just continued to get closer and closer until their chests were basically pressed together and Soobin's long arms were practically dangling off his shoulders. Hands moved to the back of Yeonjun's shirt collar and hair to toy with them before it all went south when the older accidentally looked down at his lips and Soobin's smile fell.

"I-"

The boy realized what they were doing. Friends don't stand this close to each other. And friends don't look at each other's lips like that. He had to force himself to back up.

"Soobin- I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Just forget it happened." He mumbled

"...Okay."

For the rest, of the song, the two held onto each other with extreme tension and avoiding eye contact altogether. It took every drop of strength in Soobin to not pull him back and kiss him. But friends don't kiss each other. Friends don't hurt each other.

Beomgyu and Taehyun who were sitting at their table eating cake and starting at their friends.

"They are so awkward I swear to god. Can't they just fuck and get it over wi... OWW!"

"Make me think about my best friend having sex again and I'll hit you in the face next time."

"Jeeeeez ok home abuser." Said Beomgyu who was now rubbing his arm. 

After the wedding was over Yeonjun was underneath his covers and leaning off the bed to plug in the Phone, the creaking of his bedroom door opening met his ears. 

In the door frame stood Soobin with puffy cheeks and red eyes wearing a bright yellow t-shirt and smooth mid-thigh pyjama shorts. In one hand was his favourite blanket dragging behind him, and in the other was clutching the usual plushie against his stomach. 

He had just been in his room crying over his housemate but he wouldn't have told him that. 

"Hey..." Yeonjun said almost as a question. 

They hadn't talked since the wedding incident. Even the 20-minute car ride had been dead silent. 

"Can I- can- Is it okay if I sleep with you tonight?" Soobin said with a voice laced in self-doubt.

"yeah of course you can. You don't have to ask."

Soobin nodded and it looked like tears were in his eyes. As he shuffled onto the bed. Yeonjun watched his every move, desperately hoping he wouldn't try and lay a whole 4 feet away from him again.

But he did. At least until they had laid there in silence with both of their backs flat against the bed, awkwardness and longing creeping up behind them, when Soobin turned over out of impulse and pushed Yeonjun on his side to hug him from the back. He smelt heavily of soap and body wash, and it made him feel drunk the second the scent reached his nose. The older let out a heavy breath that he didn't know he was holding and leaning back into him. He almost thought the two would be awkward forever.

"I love you," Soobin murmured.

"As friends?"

"As friends."

"I love you too."

"As friends?"

"As friends Bunny."

They both knew it was definitely not as friends, but the small label helped them deal with their situation just a little better, and calm their restless minds. 

Cause, after all, friends just sleep in other beds.


	29. Chapter 29

Soobin was on top of Yeonjun's hips making soft little noises as he tugged at his hair and gripped onto his shoulders. 

"I got you bunny.." the boy underneath whispered into his ear as he whined incoherent words and pleads.

Now how the two got here. That's a good question. 

Soobin had come home after being gone nearly all day with messy hair and dark circles under his eyes. 

"Where the hell have you been? You look like you've been hit by a truck."

"Just out."

Yeonjun quirked an eyebrow up at the boy and stood up from his seat. 

"Bin, you're never just "out", you hate leaving the house."

"Well, I felt like it, okay?"

"Please don't lie to me."

"I'm not."

Yeonjun stared at him from across the room in disbelief before crossing his arms in front of him in annoyance and strolling towards him.

"You saw Daehwan again didn't you?"

Soobin eyes hit the floor and he instantly knew that was the case. 

"Why do you keep going back to him? That's the fourth time this month." Yeonjun said, genuinely pissed off. "Fifth if you could be stopping you the week after the wedding."

"I was just lonely"

"Bullshit."

Soobin's head shot up and he looked at him in confusion "huh?"

"I said its bullshit! I told you if you were lonely that you should come to me!"

"But you can't-"

"Can't what Soobin? I know sure as hell it doesn't love you, because you know damn well I do, no matter how hard you try to avoid it."

"No, I just... I know. But- I can't."

"Can't what?"

Soobin then began to ramble in a fit of sobs and dramatically sat on the floor.

"I keep going and seeing him because anytime we have sex it makes me forget what piece of shit I am! And I know it's bad because he doesn't care about me, but that's the part I like! I know he doesn't give a flying fuck about me so I don't have to worry about stupid feelings, I just like to have someone controlling what I do other than me so I don't have to blame myself for every tiny little thing I do!"

Yeonjun softens at the sight and sighed before walking closer and crouching down to his height. He grabbed his chin and gently made him look up.

"I told you if you need anything, that you come to me. Do you remember that?"

Soobin nodded, not quite getting what he was getting at. 

"Ok good. That includes sex."

"What?!?"

Yeonjun laughed and began to wipe away the boy's tears that were still coming out away with his sweatshirt sleeves. 

"If having sex makes you feel better for a little while, then at least have it with someone who will actually treat you right during it."

"But friends don't have sex."

"That's true. But friends also don't let each other sleep with nasty fuck boys. Plus I'm a switch so anything you want I can give you."

"Hyung I dunno if I-"

"Not right now though. I know Daehwan probably hurt you right?"

Soobin weakly nodded and frowned. He did hurt. His hips and thighs felt weak and his ribs were sore. 

"Ok, I'll get you some medicine and run a hot bath," Yeonjun said in a caring and sad tone before sitting up and beginning to walk away.

"Wait!"

"What is it?"

"I-i'll go to you next time."

"Really?"

"Yes. But as long as you promise that it won't change anything between us."

"I promise Bunny." 

It took about a week for Soobin to come into his room with a bright red face and stuttered out a quiet "I'm lonely Hyungie."

"Are you sure?" Yeonjun said with furrowed eyebrows.

"Y-yes."

Soobin didn't think he could be this nervous. He felt like even his heartbeat was shaking. And it only got worse as he saw Yeonjun get off his bed in his perifial vision and large hands met his hips to gently pushed him back onto the door.

"How do you want to do this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you a top or bottom? I want you to be comfortable."

"I-I'm a bottom."

"Ok, can I kiss you? Or do you want to skip out on that part?" Yeonjun asked as he stared directly at his eyes. 

Soobin shivered under his gaze and his breath picked up at how close they were. He knew kissing would make it too real, but he couldn’t keep his mind straight looking at the pouty lips barely an inch from his.

"You can."

The two stared at each other for a little bit longer, tension making it hard to breathe, then Yeonjun put his hand onto the side of his face and leaned forward, pressing their lips together.

It started off so gentle, like Yeonjun was afraid the break him, then all of a sudden they started to grab onto each other as their lives depended on it. Every last bit of pent up frustration from trying to be "just friends" for the past who knows how long got pulled in. Soobin was gripping onto Yeonjun's hair so tight that he thought he might rip it out. And he took off his shirt is such a fast speed that he doesn't even know if it had been there, to begin with. 

He expected the usual biting and pulling at the skin of his neck that he would get from Daehwan, but Yeonjun only gave him feathery kisses and tiny licks that made him feel about 100 things that his ex never had. And his hands were warm and comforting compared to his too.

"Do you want to keep this on?" Yeonjun said with heavy breathing as he played with Soobin's shirt collar.

"Can I?"

"If you want to."

"Ok."

Soobin had never been asked about what he had wanted before. It made him giddy, so much to the point that something surged through him and he almost violently put his fingers into the loops of the older's pants and pushed him until he fell on the bed. 

Yeonjun's eyes almost popped as the usually so calm and reserved boy climbed slowly onto him and smirked in a surprisingly dominant way before leaning down to kiss his chest and down to the top of his pants.

And the rest. Well, let's just say Yeonjun can't believe he spent his entire life being a virgin. And Soobin can't believe that he actually just enjoyed being intimate with someone. It was the first time he hadn't cried during sex and just played it off as feeling good. Cause he actually felt good this time and didn't have to play off anything. Every brush of hips and squeeze of hands sent an intense heat throughout his entire body. And he didn’t know how much he would like the sounds he wasn’t even aware his Hyung could make. It was like his voice could go so much deeper and higher than he ever knew possible and he had tried everything within him to discover the different tones. Yeonjun had been so gentle yet so rough at the same time. He knew when to be and when not to be, and he always knew the perfect moments to reassure, praise, or tease, sending his mind into complete chaos. There was even a point when he had been above Soobin and the younger couldn’t even gather what was happening, his entire brain had become a puddle. It was way better than having someone control him and treat him poorly, even if he thought he had originally liked it. Sure he might have, but he loved the feeling of being so involved and noticed, and having such a strong effect on someone who he cared about. He even forgot about the “just friends” thing, he just soared on the feelings that Yeonjun gave him until it was over. And nothing topped the way the male would look at him whenever he would make a particularly loud noise. It was exactly what he thought his first time was supposed to be like, but instead it was possible the 10th or 11th time that his fantasies were fulfilled. And of course, he about hit Yeonjun over the head when he found out that he casually let him take his virginity like that and didn't say anything beforehand. And it would have been his first kiss too if he and Beomgyu hadn’t kissed several times back in high school as “practice with no homo.”

When waking up Soobin felt like he had just run a marathon, and assumed he must look like it too, but when he walked into the hallway bathroom he found no new hickies and no new bruises. Just messy hair and his usual sleepy face staring back at him. He stilled looked like Soobin. 

He slipped on sweatpants and one of Yeonjun's t-shirts and slowly walked into the living room/kitchen area while thinking about how the boy he’d slept with last night had made sure to hold his hand and give him small kisses for almost the entirety of event. 

Seeing all of his friends in the room haunted his thoughts. 

"Damn nice tattoos." Exclaimed Beomgyu. 

"Nice tattoos? Look at his hair!"

"Hair? That's Yeonjun's shirt!"

"Shirt? How about the scratches on his "friend's" back."

Soobin and Yeonjun stared at each other at Huening Kai's air quotation around the word friends.

Friends don't sleep with each other.

And friends don't enjoy it either.

But Soobin still desperate to do it again.

And everyone in the room knew it by the way they looked at each other. And especially by the wink and smirk sent by Yeonjun.


	30. Chapter 30

“Hi, Soobin!”

“Hi, Mrs. Choi.”

“Call me Heeyoung. And come over and give me a hug.”

Soobin looked at Yeonjun with a small nervous look that was met with an apologetic one before he awkwardly hugged his mom. Lately, he had only been around his friend so he forgot how much he hated being touched by those that weren’t him. 

“You... dated Daiwa? So no need for introductions?”

Daehwan smirked and met eyes with his ex who was anxiously clinging onto Yeonjun who had been glaring at him ever since they arrived at his Mom’s for her birthday. 

“Haven’t seen you in a while, why haven’t you come and visited me?” He teased when his stepmom left the room. 

“U-um...”

“Don’t.” Spoke Yeonjun in a deep voice.

“Don’t what? Miss his perfect little moans?” 

Daehwan stepped in front of Soobin and put a finger under his chin. 

“I miss hearing them, darling.”

“Well, you’re gonna continue missing them cause he’s not gonna come back to you again.” Yeonjun seethed as he pushed his hand away from his friend.

The other raised an eyebrow and scoffed. 

“Like he has anyone else.”

That’s when Soobin snapped.

“Actually, I’ll have you know my “little” moans aren’t very “little” when I’m with your stepbrother. And ever made me become a top? No? Exactly. So YOU don’t have anyone else except for the girlfriend that you are cheating on. You were just a mistake from the start.”

Yeonjun stopped and stared before clapping. “Peridot!”

Ni-ki who had been standing behind Daehwan started jumping and cheering. 

“Ha! Give the $30 Hyung! I won!”

“No, you didn’t!”

“Yes, I did!”

“We aren’t even dating!”

“...lame.” 

“Huh?”

“Oh um he bet that we would be dating within 4 months, like 2 months ago.”

“Oh....”

Soobin felt tugging in his chest. He had forgotten that they weren’t dating. They act so much like a couple that he almost completely forgot about the promise they made that sleeping together wouldn’t change anything. 

They called each other baby and babe. Took showers together, slept in the same bed every night, cuddled 24/7, held hands while out, kissed, had matching necklaces, and it had only been 2 weeks since everything started.

“Wait what do you mean you’re just friends?” He remembers Taehyun asking. 

“I mean that we are JUST friends.”

“You literally sleep together though?”

“Well yeah, but friends with benefits exist.”

“Yeah, friends that are in love with benefits do though.”

“Our feelings aren’t involved.”

“You two are more ridiculous than I thought.”

Soobin kept getting his bubbled burst. He wishes he could just keep living in his make-believe world where he believed that there is nothing the two do that normal friends don’t. If he could just hold onto the feeling of loving Yeonjun without his thoughts telling him it's wrong in the back of his head, he would. If he could have one last thing, it would be to have never met Daehwan and to have the Soobin that idolized and clung to love as he would die without it. That Soobin was happier. Even though he cried at night because all he wanted was a lover, at least he didn't hurt people like the current Soobin did. 

The tumbling fear that eventually one of them would get their heart broken crept up on him again. And it stayed until he finally got home from the birthday party.

“Hi, baby.” Grinned Yeonjun after closing the door and pulling him closer by the shirt and trying to kiss him.

All Soobin saw in his smile was how he’d be the one that would make him lose it. 

“Friends don’t kiss.” Mumbled Soobin as he dodged him. “And they don’t call each other baby either.”

“But I thought-“

“You thought wrong.”

“But what about all of-“

“You promised nothing would change. Everything has changed!”

“What’s wrong with change?!”

“Change means we’ll hurt each other!”

“I’m not gonna hurt you!”

“But I’ll hurt you!!!”

“You’ve already hurt me!”

“What?”

“You hurt me every time you say the “friends don’t do that” shit! But I ignore because I’m in love with you!”

“Then stop being in love with me!”

“Don’t you get it? I can’t! You can’t just drop your feelings for someone like that! I could give two shits if you hurt me!”

Fight or flight hit Soobin. That’s exactly how he thought while he was dating his brother. He was becomingYeonjun’s Daehwan. He was hurting him and he just kept doing it over and over again because he wanted something from him. He was his own worst nightmare. 

“You are wrong, you don’t love me! No one does! You just think you do! You’re gonna end up just like I did after Daehwan!”

“Holy hell you aren’t Daehwan!”

“You don’t know that!! I’m using you for sex just like he did to me!”

“Yes, I do!! And you’re not using me, I want to have sex with you!”

“You don’t know shit about me then!”

“Really? So all those words I read about you in glass box were just not true?”

“Can you just forget about that stupid book already!”

“No! Stop pushing me away!”

“Pushing you away is the only thing that seems to work!”

“How? How does it work then? Cause I’m DYING to know!”

“The more you don’t know, the more you’ll have to forget when I break your heart.”

“YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BREAK MY HEART!”

“YES I AM!”

Yeonjun then pushed Soobin against the counter and trapped his body between his arms that were holding onto the edge. He got close to his face and gave him an angry look. Soobin just about shit himself seeing him this pissed off. 

“Tell me you don’t want me right now.” He whispered with a thumb pulling at the other lip. “Tell me you aren’t in love with me too.”

“...”

“See you can’t. No matter how much you avoid and how much you ignore. I’m still here, and I’m never leaving you. You’re not gonna hurt me, and I’m not gonna hurt you. I love you and no matter what happens, that will always be true.”

Soobin looked into the pleading eyes and he caved. 

“I love you too.” 

“I know.”

Yeonjun grabbed the back of his leg and lifted him onto the counter, then gently put his palms on Soobin’s knees and kissed his forehead.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“I’ll stop the non-friends things outside of the bedroom if you want.”

“Thank you.”

No more pet names. No more cuddles. No more hand-holding. No more casual morning kisses. 

Strictly friends with benefits.


	31. Chapter 31

After Soobin and Yeonjun set their strict friends only things rule, Soobin began to feel lonely more and more often, so the older would indulge him in all of his senses and for an hour or two before pretending as nothing happened for the rest of the day. And the atmosphere around them was tense most of the time, as noticed by their friends.

"Why do you keep letting him hurt you?"Asked Beomgyu as he started at the road in front of him. 

"Him hurting me hurts less than him not being there."

"You know that's not good for you right?"

"I know."

"And you don't care?"

"I don't."

Beomgyu sighed. Yeonjun was so distant lately. He was always mopey and lethargic, and he didn't want to sound rude or anything, but he was about to kill Soobin. His friend always had such a bad habit of putting others before himself, but this had gone too far. He thought he was bad during the weird time before he and Taehyun started to date, but he never was on Yeonjun's level.

"I don't think he does either."

"What?"

"He doesn't care about you as much as you think he does, and you need to realize that."

"He does care about... he just has a lot going on."

Beomgyu momentarily looked at his friend who was zoning out while staring out the window with his arm propped up on it, before he in the heat of the moment swerved the car and pulled over on the side of the road. 

Yeonjun stared at him.

"What are you doing?"

"What am I doing? What are you doing!"

"What do you mean!"

"You're like a completely different person. Soobin is ruining you."

"He isn't. If even if he was I don't think I'd care!"

"Well, I do! You're my best friend it hurts to see you like this!" Beomgyu yelled as he started to cry. "All you've done for the past 2 weeks is listen to depressing emo kid music and turn a blind eye to what he is doing! And you literally look sick! When was the last time you ate a proper meal?!"

Yeonjun pinched the top of his nose and sighed in frustration. He refused to cry. He doesn't like to cry. 

"Look he just doesn't want to get hurt."

"And that's an excuse for hurting you?!"

"Yes!!"

"No, it's not!"

"If it's him, yes. Yes, it is."

"Well, he needs to wake up from whatever delusional dream he's having because I physically can't handle what you're letting him make you into."

"I'm still me! He isn't changing me."

"Yes, he is Yeonjun! Open your eyes! Have you even read one book in the past 3 weeks? And I can count on one hand how many texts any of your friends have received from you. I get you to love him, but sometimes you aren't supposed to act on those feelings."

"It'll get better...he'll come around."

"No, he won't!! You keep saying that and it's never gonna happen!"

"Shut up."

"No, you need to here this. You need someone to tell you the truth no matter how much it hurts."

"I said shut up! Do you think I don't know everything that you're telling me already??? I do, it's all I can think about! As much as you don't like it, Soobin is my first priority."

"Even before me?"

"Yes."

"You're kidding."

"You'd say the same about Taehyun."

"I- find. But don't come crying to me when he up and leaves you one day."

Yes, he knew Soobin would eventually break under the pressure of whatever they were doing. But loving him, for now, was better than never having him in the first place. He quite frankly wants to be heartbroken because of him. If being heartbroken means he got the experience to him to the fullest. He wanted to see every last molecule of him even if it would kill him. Every new discovery made him prying for the next. Like how he discovered if he teased enough that the usually submissive and cute boy would become impatient and dominant, almost intimidating and scary but in the best way possible. Or like how eats peanut butter jelly sandwiches without the jelly and still calls it a pb&j. 

He could no longer sleep at night. Not without the younger's arms wrapped around him or his head resting on his chest. And he couldn't eat normally anymore, not when everything he ate reminded him of him, and not when there was silence between them at the kitchen table at every meal. It was like the "just friends" had become a "stranger's who have sex." thing. They'd pour everything they had into each other than barely talk the entire day. And he couldn't think a single thought without him being apart of it.

He wonders when Soobin will begin to let himself love without caging himself in. It was like he would shut down every last emotion he had in the past two weeks and it was scaring him. Something was wrong with him. And he won't let him close enough to help much less know what was wrong.

He was so tired. 

It felt like there was a wall between them. And Soobin only loved him when he was undressed. No matter who was on top, who was on the bottom. It was always the same, he loved him. So it was okay.

And he'd hold onto it as long as he could. He was ready to lose his entire personality and being if he had to. If it would make Soobin happy he'd jump in front of a train. Just to see him smile. He hadn't been smiling lately. He started to get tired all the time again. Just like while he was dating Daewhan. 

Maybe Yeonjun's entire existence was made to show love to him, and not receive it. If it was it would explain why every time their eyes met each other he would try to spend as much of his love as he could. Even if Soobin had become more and more distant and cold with him since they fought. Or if he pretended he didn't know him at times. Yeonjun's other half had broken off and was trying to run away, and the more he chances and chases, the faster he ran. So he is complying with whatever he wants. 

He could live with it.

Even if he had stopped feeling like waking up in the mornings.


	32. Chapter 32

Soobin and Yeonjun’s apartment tment had been void of any life for 3 days now. Things didn't end with screams or breaking of glass with dramatic slamming over doors as all their friends thought. No, it was actually quite calm.

The day began and Yeonjun had been laying in bed for an hour staring at his ceiling fan going in the same circle on a loop when he got a call from his Aunt he hadn't talked to in nearly 7 years. He didn't even know that she had his number. Most of his family didn't talk to her, especially ever since his Dad died, but it was mostly because she was kind of odd. She worked as a psychic medium and lived in a tiny van filled to the top with crystals and herbs. And she always talked about past lives.

"Aunty?"

"Yeonjun sweaty, I know this is very out of the blue. But I had a dream about you."

"Oh? Okay, what was it about?"

"I want to tell you in person. Meet me at your Mother's house as soon as you can."

"Aren't you in Jeju?"

"No, I caught a flight to Seoul to come to see you."

"Is it that important?"

"Yes. Now hurry over."

Yeonjun was confused, to say the least. His aunt having dreams always lead to her going crazy about some "great awakening" or an “alien invasion” or something, so he couldn't figure out why he had been the subject this time.

"Hey um, Soobin, I'm going to go visit my Aunt for a little ok?" He said on the outside of the door to the room that Soobin rarely left. 

After hearing a little voice ripped of emotion saying okay, he left. 

"Have you heard of twin flames?" His Aunt asked as they sat crossed legged in his Mom's basement.

"Uh no?"

"Ok well, it's a type of soul connection. Like a soulmate but more rare and intense."

"Oh okay. What does this have to with your dream though?" 

"You've met yours."

"What?"

"Jun-ah this lifetime you've been blessed with the opportunity to love your mirror soul but now is not the time for you to do so."

"Aunty I don't know what you're talking about."

"That boy. He's tall and gentle. I saw him."

"Soobin?"

"Is that his name?"

"I think so. I don't know anyone else like that."

"Is he being distant and cold with you?"

"I mean ye-"

"Is he scared of your affection towards him because of a love who hurt him?"

"I- yes. Who did you-"

"I know you love him. But he mirrors you. If he's running from your relationship because he isn't ready, neither are you."

"Aunty you're scaring me."

"Just listen okay. There are 8 stages. You're going to tell me which ones have already happened between you and Soobin."

"Okay?”

"Stage one. Yearning. This is growing up always wanting love and hoping for the special one. Always feeling like there is someone meant for you. Idolizing love and relationships. And you look for love in every single corner of your life. You feel alone and like you are different from others, that no one quite understands you."

Yeonjun thought back to every single fictional character he had latched onto over his 19 years, and how he always dreamed of finding someone who would sweep him off his feet. 

"Stage two. Glimpsing. You start to find glimpses of your Twin. Who I believe is this Soobin. Do you ever meet him or hear of him, or suddenly find interest in things that revolved around him?"

Hyunbin. He knew Hyunbin before he knew Soobin. But the two were the same. He began to fall for him even before meeting him.

"U-uh yeah. He had a book online that I read."

"Ok good. Stage three. Meeting. You two meet, instantly connect, become more close and comfortable within a short amount of time than you are even with the people you thought you cared about the most." 

They did become friends oddly fast for how anti-social they both were...

"Stage four. Fantasy. You get together and everything is how you imagined it would be. A fairy tale."

Thoughts of the two weeks after they first slept together filled his mind. They were inseparable, everything was happy and magical. Constant kisses and compliments. Cute love songs and adoring looks. 

"Stage five. Chaos. Everything crumbles. Fights break out. You two start showing each other what you need to work on in yourself by your actions and words. If you put others before yourself too often the person becomes distant from your attempts to show your care. If you are afraid of heartbreak then you have to watch as you hurt the other. If you are too dependent the other will grow avoidant. You'll clash on what you want. One wants a relationship, one doesn't. One wants to change and one wants routine."

Yeonjun's mouth fell wide open, it's like his aunt had been spying on him and Soobin for the past month. Even examples she had been using felt too similar to be just coincidences.

"Stage six. Running and chasing. One of the twins will chase down the other for love and will become desperate. They'll think nothing else matters outside their counterpart. The other twin will shut down and run away physically or emotionally, giving the other silent treatment and withdrawal. This is where the dream came into play. Stop chasing him. You've put yourself so much into him that you took on his worries, you aren't yourself anymore. You're him. Nothings going to get better unless you stop grasping onto the idea of protecting him so much. You've tried so hard to protect him that he can't learn or grow anymore. Usually, the feminine energy does the chasing, but you are the masculine, you saw how much pain your feminine was and it caused you to became too assertive in your need to keep them safe.” 

Yeonjun then let everything out that he's been holding onto. 

"You're saying I did this to him?" He sobbed.

"No-no-no. You were just worried about him. You saw his pain and you tried to take it to from him. There is nothing wrong with that. You just have to give it back to him eventually. You can't hold onto both of your struggles forever. You have to let him go.”

"B-but I can't let him go."

"He won't ever be yours if you don't. He'll just keep running. And I know it will hurt but you have to give him room to figure things out."

"It's the only way?"

"The only way."

"O-okay. What's stage seven?"

"Stage seven is surrender. You both are alone so you can't focus on each other's problems and it forces you to work on yourself. You two mirror so naturally you'll want to fix one another when you need to fix yourself to do so. You need to surrender to your ego."

The crying boy nodded and rubbed his face with the sleeves of Soobin's sweater he was wearing. It was the one he had worn on the day they met. 

"Stage eight is oneness. You come together and work through your differences. You become balanced and work towards a goal for the common good. You are a to peace."

"How do I get to stage eight?"

"Through stage seven. You can’t skip it, it's the most important."

That night Yeonjun went back to his apartment while crying and began to pack up his things. He always felt his aunt was crazy, but today she said too many things to him that made way too much sense. She knocked him back into reality and he knew what he had to do. He was going to stay with his Mom until he figured some things out. 

He could barely see as he folded his clothes into his suitcase. And he had a hard time breathing as he rolled it over to Soobin's room and knocked on the door.

"B-Bunny?" He hadn't called him that in a while.

After waiting for what seemed like hours the door cracked open and The eyes of a tired-looking Soobin peaked out. 

"Hyung?"

"I'm leaving."

The door swung open all the way and Soobin stared down at the suitcase and back up to the mess of tears that was the other.

"What? Why are you- for how long? Why are you crying?”

"I just need to figure some stuff out okay? You need to too. And I don't know how long, just until it feels okay to come back."

Soobin shook his head in panic and clutched the older's face and shirt. 

"No! You can't leave. Hyungie, you can stay. You don't have to go."

"Baby I do. I really don't want to. But I have to." Yeonjun whispered as tears fell out his eyes, he didn't care if he let pet names slip anymore. "It's what you need... it's what I need."

"What- how is this what I need- how are you leaving me what I need? What am I going to do when-"

Soobin looked down at him with sad innocent eyes and began to cry with him as he cupped his face.

"I-i don't understand. You said you'd never leave me. You promised me. I- I love you.”

"I know. I love you too. But if I don't break it we are going to end up hating each other or roommates in a mental hospital. Bin, we aren't healthy. You know that. You didn't want for either of us to get hurt, but we both are. So we need to just focus on ourselves for a bit."

"But Ye-"

"No. This is what's best. Trust me I don't want to leave just as you don't want me to go. But I've already told Ni-ki and his friends that I'd have a sleepover with them.”

"Do you have to go?"

"Yes, bunny."

"When are you coming back?"

"Whenever you aren't afraid to love me anymore.”


	33. Chapter 33

Soobin didn't believe what had happened at first. He understood he was leaving, he wasn't stupid. He saw the suitcase. But he thought it was just going to be a few days before Yeonjun would walk through their apartment door and come up to hug him. Or even FaceTime him like theyused to. But when the two-week mark hit he decided that he wasn't ever going to be receiving even a text message. 

He felt so uncomfortable. Uncomfortable with the lack of his presence at the table, and the lack of adoration and affection, even if he had pushed it so far away that it was barely hanging on by a string. And he couldn't understand why everything had happened. The two were fine. They weren't unhealthy. Sure they had things they needed to work on but they weren't toxic. 

His confusion and uncomfortably quickly changed into desperation. He'd blow up the older's phone and begged him to come back with never getting a response. He'd show up at his Mom's house just to be turned away. And guilt ruled his life. 

"What did I do?" He'd cried while banging his head into the older's pillow while sleeping there one night. His sheets still smelt like him, and his blankets were almost as warm as his was. 

He was lonely. More lonely than he had ever been before. More lonely than alter Daehwan, and more lonely than when he decided that sleeping with him was a good idea. But he decided that his ex wouldn't help anything this time. He couldn't go back to him again because he promised Yeonjun. And he definitely couldn't go back because the reason he was lonely wasn't that he craved love and being needed, he craved Yeonjun. He craved every last ounce of him. And he just wanted to touch his soft skin or cuddle up to him in his sleep again.

Maybe if he hadn't been so fucked up he wouldn't have hurt him. He did exactly what he said he didn't want to do, and what he had tried so hard to avoid in the first place. The very thing that made him break the other was trying to stop it from happening. 

But he still couldn't stop. He knows if he'd walk back into his life again he would do it all over again. He'd want them to be just friends, and he'd want to hide his love in fear of receiving it back from such a perfect person. 

The only thing that has changed in his mind is that he knows Yeonjun wouldn't be the one doing the hurting. He's not like that. He loves him even when he treated him like shit. Even when he became the asshole who ignore him throughout the day and tried to keep them apart. If he comes back he doesn't even think he'd allow them to be friends. But somehow he still keeps begging for him to show up and kiss him until he list all his breath. He can't make up his mind. He's psycho just like Daehwan told him. 

At least that's what he says to himself when staring into the mirror, or down at the food he doesn't plan on eating. He used to not want to eat because he didn't enjoy most foods. But know even the foods he likes are painful. Soobin doesn't think he deserves them for the way he is and has been acting and treating someone he said he's in love with. He shouldn't have that pleasure when he was the one who made him cry. And before Yeonjun left, he tried to sleep as much as he could to avoid him, but now he stays up sitting at the table in fear that he'll come back and he'll miss him. And if it was really bad he'd sit with his back against the door and wake up in the morning to find out that he was still the only one there.

One time Taehyun had walked in and he ran from the other side of the apartment crying incoherent words about how much he missed Yeonjun, just to be faced with be his friend who definitely not who he hoped for. That day Taehyun forced him to eat and yelled at him for not taking care of himself. But he had zoned out for the entirety of it thinking about how much he wished he would have held Yeonjun's hand when he could have. 

Even Beomgyu showed up sometime within the two weeks and told him not to worry about Yeonjun because he was doing fine. He had been receiving all the messages and felt bad so he begged his friend to go tell him that he needs to stop.

"Hyung is okay?" Soobin asked in sniffles.

"Yes, Hyung is okay. He said to stop messaging and calling, he wants you to forget about him for a little bit."

"I c-can't." 

"Yes, you can."

Soobin did stop. But only because after that he thought he was thinking he must have stopped loving him. He must think he's annoying and he never wants to see him again.

"I HATE YOU!" He yelled at the top of his lungs as he punched his plushies. 

If Yeonjun hated him, he could hate back. If he was doing so fine without him he could too. You don't leave the people you say you love behind. You don't ignore them either.

And to the bad luck of Yeonjun, he came back to the apartment to pick up more clothes during one of Sobin's fits of anger and resentment. 

"What are you doing here?" Seethed Soobin as he stood in the hallway outside Yeonjun's room.

Yeonjun cursed to himself. His location on snap had said he was at the store. He refused to turn around. He wasn't ready to see him yet.

"U-um I just need to get some stuff."

"You said you weren't coming back."

Yeonjun sighed and stuffed more of his clothes into the bag he had.

"No, I didn't say that. I said I'd come back when you weren't scared to love me. YOU decide when I come back, not me."

"Well, I don't want you to."

Tears filled the older's eyes and he slowly looked up. 

"No stop. You don't mean." He softly spoke in disbelief and sorrow

"I do. So get out."

"B-bunny your lying. Stop it. Y-you, love me remember? I'm your Hyungie." 

"No, you're not. I hate you."

"No, you don't! It's me your talking to! Baby it's me!"

Yeonjun desperately tried to hold onto Soobins arm and touch his face but hands harshly pushed them away.

"I know who the hell I'm talking to!"

Yeonjun stared at him in horror before he turned back around tried to keep a straight face as his vision blurred in tears for the hundredth time that week. 

"I'm sorry. I won't come back if that's the case... I'm sorry.... sorry."

He then scrambled past Soobin and out the complex clutching his bag of clothes. He must have sat in the car sobbing for hours before he finally started to drive. If Soobin really did hate him. Then he'd just love himself enough for the both of them. He was officially done crying over him. 

"Beomgyu we're dying my hair."

"Again?!"


	34. Chapter 34

Yeonjun sat in Ni-ki's room painting black stokes of polish across his fingernails. He had completely changed his look. He used to have long black hair that he could pull back into a mini ponytail, but he had cut most of it off and got an undercut. He bleached it to a blonde a put different streaks of color into so it became a pastel rainbow. He went to a piercing shop and got more ear piercings and the left side of his lip done. And he invested in a bunch of new clothes. He now had lots of necklaces and dangling piercings that he would wear with androgynous trendy clothing. Beomgyu said it looked like he walked off of TikTok. And It all happened within a few days.

While crying his eyes out in the parking lot of his apartment complex he said "fuck it" and decided that he doesn't give a shit about his appearance anymore. He had been holding back what he wanted to look like for so long that it finally snapped. He spends so much time worrying and caring for others that he never gets to do it for himself. It just took Soobin for him to realize that. He got rid of his boring hoodies and gave them to Ni-ki. Donated clothes that he hated or made him feel insecure. And attempted to kill his scalp and ears. 

As he twisted the cap back onto the polish he held his hands out to dry and looked down at his outfit. It was a loose-fitting black crop top that showed his stomach and collar bones and had the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and grey ripped shorts that reached his mid-thigh paired with a light green flannel tied around his waist. He had several beaded and stringed bracelets and little crystal necklaces he got from his aunt and chokers around his neck. He felt fully confident for the first time in a while, even if he was completely barefaced. 

"Hey Hyung- Dude you look hot." Announced Beomgyu as he walked into his shared room with his friend Ni-ki.

“I know.”

I large grin grew onto his friend's face and jumped forward to hug him. 

“Hey! The nails!”

“Oh sorry, I’m just really happy that you are feeling better.”

“Thank you.”

“What changed?”

“Soobin told me hated me.” He mumbled while putting the nail polish away on the little shelf beside his bed.

“What?”

“Yeah... he uh... told me to get out.”

“But Taehyun said- I- what?”

“What about Taehyun?”

“He said Soobin has been crying for three days straight, he thought you knew why.”

“Oh.... well, I don’t know.”

It’s been three days since he stopped by to get clothes at his apartment. Three days since Yeonjun heard 3 words from Soobin he hoped he’d never hear. 

Hearing that he’s been crying for the entirety of those three days made him want to go back and check up on him again. But that would defeat the whole purpose of what he was doing. He needs to learn that he can’t always help him and he needs to learn to put up boundaries with him, especially after what he said. He can’t just keep a blind eye to the stuff he does wrong for the sake of loving him. If he meant what he said, then so be it. Yeonjun will get over it. If he didn’t, then he’d have to come and apologize to him before he’d go out of his way and try to comfort him for it. 

At least that’s what he thought until he checked his voice messages later that night.

“Hyungie- it’s been a week are you really not coming back? Call me, okay?”

“Jun I miss you, please come back. Please?”

“I don’t know if you’re getting these but I made your favourite dinner, you can come by and get some if you want.”

“I’ve been sleeping in your bed every night. Will you come back soon so we can cuddle?”

“H-h-Hyung, where are you? It’s so quiet here.”

“Beomgyu came by and said you doing okay, he told me not to message you anymore. Do you hate me?”

“This is my last one. I’m sorry that you hate me, I guess I hate you too. Bye Yeonjun Hyung.”

“Hyung I’m s-sorry I didn’t mean it! I’m s-sorry I made you cry! I was just angry and I didn’t know what I was doing! I can’t stop crying. Come back! I’ll love you all you want okay?”

“You said you’d come back when I wasn’t afraid to love you anymore. But where are you??? I want to love you so bad it hurts.”

“I know you probably hate me, but can’t you just come back once? Only once, I want to say goodbye. I love you... please come back and call me bunny again. I miss it.”

“Yeonjun I’m so lonely without you. I stopped by yours to try and tell you that you could come back like you said you would. But your mom said you didn’t want to see me. Is it true? Do you hate the sight of me Hyungie?”

Yeonjun was sobbing as he listened to the messages, almost every single one besides the few angry ones sounded desperate and like he was having a hard time speaking. He didn’t even want to see the text messages. 

He pressed the call button. It rang for a while and he thought he wouldn’t be picking up. He was beginning to believe that something might have happened to him.

“Hyung?”

His voice sounded so broken and lost. It hit something inside him so deeply that the covered his mouth and choked a loud cry back. 

“Hyungie... are you there?” 

Yeonjun nodded aggressively even though he knew he couldn’t see him. 

“Yes, baby I’m here.”

“A-are you coming back?”

“Yes, bunny. Wait for alright? I got to pack my stuff.”

“I’ll always wait for you.”

It took him way longer than he thought to pack his things than he thought. He was shaking and it was hard to walk and breathe. He couldn’t even tell if the clothes that he was packing were actually his or if they were just Ni-ki’s because he was too busy crying and thinking about how broken Soobin sounded. He kept telling himself that it wasn’t him that made him like that, but the thought kept creeping up.

“Are you leaving?”

He looked up and saw Daehwan standing at the door. 

“Uh yeah.”

“Oh okay... can I talk to you before you go?”

“Just do it now, please... I’m trying to hurry.” Yeonjun said with a bright red face, he hated that this asshole was seeing him in such a vulnerable state. 

“I broke up with Yuna.”

“Oh um alright. Why are you telling me that?”

“Cause I broke up with her because I’m sorry. To you and Soobin. I didn’t realize how much shit I caused until Ni-ki told me what happened between you two. And I know you’re probably never going to forgive me for it. But I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to try and be better to people from now on. I’m getting a therapist and I’m going to stop smoking, maybe try and do something with my life.”

Yeonjun sat there and took it in. He sounded genuinely sorry but he never felt like it was him who he had wrong. 

“You should be telling Soobin that. He’s the one you hurt. But I’m happy that you’re going to try and be better.”

“Okay... you think he’ll want to talk to me?”

“Yes, even though it pissing me off, there is still apart from it of him who cares about you.”

“Alright. I hope everything gets better for you two by the way.”

“Me too.”

“You really love him don’t you?”

“More than life itself.”

When he finally packed and arrived at the apartment all time stopped when he saw Soobin wrapped in that one blanket outside of the front door with his eyes shut. He looked so tired. And he was so much skinnier and frail looking than he remembers. And he had new and dried tears running down his face and his hair looked like he just came out of a tornado. 

He crotched down and cupped his head before placing a little kiss on his hair, startling the boy. Soobins's now open eyes were filled with fear but it quickly changed into happiness and both sadness and guilt.

“Hyungie!!” He nearly screamed and latched onto him as everything depended on not letting him leave. “I’m sorry, so sorry. It’s all my fault, please forgive me, I won’t ever do it again. I love you. I love you so much and I’ll show you all you want.”

Yeonjun held back with the same tightness and cried into his shoulder. 

“I know baby shhh. I love you too. I missed you so much.”

“Never leave again.”

“I promise.”

Yeonjun had to find himself before he could find Soobin.


	35. Chapter 35

Yeonjun had been making ramen when he turned around and saw Soobin with his face smooshed against the table and sleeping. He chuckled and set their ramen down and started to pet his hair.

"Bunny..." he whispered.

"Huh?" 

Soobin's eyes fluttered open and struggled to stay that way. His lips were pouting and he was blinking hard to stay awake. 

"Why are you so tired? It's only 6:00 pm."

He sat up and rubbed his eyes with a little shrug and stared down at his ramen still holding a pout.

"How much did you sleep last night?"

"I dunno.."

"Well, what time did you go to bed?"

"I didn't."

"What?"

"I stayed in the kitchen in case you came back. I didn't want to miss it if you did."

Yeonjun's worried face saddened and moved a piece of his very messy hair out of his face.

"Hun, how many times did you do that?"

"A lot."

The older sighed and pulled his sleepy head into his chest and kissed his hair, rubbing his back and shoulders.

"You can't do stuff like that. You need to sleep."

"But-"

"No buts. Sleep is important for your health."

"Fine," Soobin grumbled and wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him closer.

He nuzzled into his chest further and closed his eyes. He finally felt happy again. Being held by him felt so peaceful and it made the last few weeks worth it. Everything was so calm. He used to love silence and not having to deal with people around him, but the last three or so weeks made him almost terrified of the quiet. The quiet meant no Yeonjun.

“C’mon eat your food now... Soobin?”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes and laughed a little at the soft and cute snores and the arms that were slowly sliding off his waist. He pulled back and the younger whined a bit. 

“Shhhh.” He cooed whiled he leaned down and put an arm under his knees and another one around the bottom of his back and waist. 

He lifted him up and held him bridle style. Soobin’s fists grabbed on his shirt and he mumbled something about how it was a crop top before his head flopped back and he fell asleep again.

“Jeez, you are tired.” 

The shorter of the two held onto him and walked down to his room, pushing the door open with his foot to see a messy room with plushies, blankets, and pillows scattered everywhere. It was surprising because Soobin usually kept his room so clean. He wondered what even went on inside his head while he was gone. 

He let out yet another sigh and placed the sleeping boy on his bed, and tucked him into the covers with a few loving kisses on his cheeks and nose. He picked up a few plushies off the ground and set them against the male before he headed to the door. 

The squeaking of the hinges causes Soobin to stir and open his eyes. He quickly sat up and almost started to cry as he pulled off the blankets and knocked over some plushies. 

“Hyungie don’t leave again!”

Yeonjun sighed and rushed back over to him and pushed him back onto the bed while hands attempted to hold onto his clothing.

“I’m not. I’m not. You just need to sleep, love.”

“You can sleep here! Next to me! See there is room right here!” Squeaked Soobin as he cutely patted the bed.

“I’m not tired though bud.”

“B-but Hyung! What’s gonna happen if I have a bad dream! What if someone comes and murders me!” 

“No one is gonna murder you. And I’m just gonna be right down the hall.”

Soobin pouted and gave sad eyes to the other as he clasped his hands together in front of him and shuffled onto his knees.

“Pleaaaaaaassseeeeee. I’ll do anything. Just stay in here until I fall asleep for a little bit okay?”

“... anything?”

“Yes, anything!”

“Even let me borrow Tesla?” Yeonjun smirked and reached down to grab the smallest one of the many many many sloth plushies. 

Soobin gasped and put his hand over his mouth and snatched the plushie out of his hold.

“Telsa has abandonment issues! I can’t do that!”

“But Binnie you say ANYTHING. Anything includes Telsa doesn’t it?”

A glaring pout made its way to Yeonjun’s direction and he pushed the sloth back and folded his arms.

“Fine. But if he starts crying about missing me, you have to give him hugs and he only likes my hugs so it isn’t gonna be easy.”

“I’m just messing with you. Kiss me and I’ll stay here and give you Telsa back.”

Soobin giggled and crawled forward and pecked both Yeonjun’s cheeks, his nose, then his lips before stealing Tesla from his grasp. 

“Ok come cuddle me now!”

“That wasn’t a kiss though! That was only a peck!”

“What?!?! It lasted 2 seconds though.”

Yeonjun nodded and started to sit up and Soobin widened his eyes and pulled him back.

“Ok fine.”

He wrapped his arms around his shoulders, still holding the little plushie and pressed his lips onto his.

Yeonjun smiled and moved his hands to his waist and pushed him lightly onto the bed, still kissing him. He missed this so much, especially the little laughs and giggles that were being pulled out of the other as he moved his lips down to his neck and left hundreds of kisses.

“S-stop! That tickles!”

The older chuckled and raised his head to give him one last short kiss before rolling over onto his back and pulling Soobin’s head onto his chest just like the first time they slept in the same bed together. He even began to play with his hair just like that day too.

“I love you.” He whispered.

And just like that first night, Soobin heard him. Except for this time, it didn’t scare him. This time he smiled and said it back before sighing in content and snuggling impossibly closer. He may still be afraid of love, but he wasn’t afraid of Yeonjun, so that made it a lot better.

Yeonjun wasn’t Daehwan, and neither was he. He’s glad he’s finally able to see that.

The beating in his chest wasn’t out of fear of what the future would be like, it was purely caused by the quiet compliments that Yeonjun didn’t think he was hearing. Every last word washed away his worries and calmed his thoughts. And when he finally fell asleep he had dreams about catching his sister’s bouquet at her wedding, and how nice Yeonjun looked in his suit. 

He wants to rewrite the dictionary and put the word perfect’s definition as his name. And he wants to repaint the stars with a constellation of his face. And to shout to the entire world that he loves him. That he is hopelessly in love with Choi Yeonjun. 

The only thing he needs is to spend the rest of his life, year by year, month by month, day by day, and minute by minute, being love and loving him.


	36. Chapter 36

Soobin was wearing a fluffy grey onesie that exposed his wrists and ankles because of his height when Yeonjun walked into the kitchen drying his colourful hair with a towel, the smell of soap and the fruity body has filled the air. And younger was wiping off the counter with a wipe when the scent got stronger and slightly wet arms wrapped around his waist. Hot breath fanned his neck and a low voice whispered into his ear. 

"You look cute in this."

Soobin's face glowed red and he tried not to smile as he felt tingles at his waist which was now gently being rubbed. He slowly turns around in his hold and avoided eye contact after realizing Yeonjun only had sweatpants on. 

"Junnie goes put on some clothes... you're all wet."

"What you don't like it?" He whispered as he walked forward till the others back hit the counter. 

Soobin widened his eyes when he felt the tiled counter through his onesie and he almost fell over until he grabbed onto Yeonjun's bare shoulders. His eyes then travelled down the silver necklace that reached the center of his chest. At the end of it was a tiny charm that magnetically connected to the one he had. He remembers when Yeonjun came home one day and showed him the two pieces of jewelry, saying that it was like the ones that were in the second Mulan movie. They were little yin and yang pieces. And the two were so close that they had locked together just like they would in the film and they began to giggle. 

"I didn't know you still wore this." Yeonjun smiled looking down.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Well after everything..."

"I didn't care, I still wore it even when I was angry."

"You did?"

Soobin shyly nodded and he reached down to play with the two charms as he finally looked at the other's eyes. 

At that moment it was like he was glowing. Yeonjun saw entire galaxies in his eyes, and he could see a miniature reflection of himself within them. It reminded him of what his aunt told him.

“this lifetime you've been blessed with the opportunity to love your mirror soul”

Loving Soobin helped him love himself and he didn’t even realize it. 

His Aunt may be crazy, but she was definitely right about them. They were the same internally in almost every way, they just had different external events that momentarily made them forget about their true internals. They showed light onto each other’s flaws and weaknesses until they have to be brought to the surface. And it made them stronger than ever. 

Yeonjun’s hand met Soobin’s on top of the charms and he pulled the necklaces to bring him closer and he stopped when their faces were a few centimetres apart. He watched as colour fled onto his cheeks a flustered smile made its way onto his mouth. He looked down at his lips then back to his eyes as his free hand moved to grab his hip. Soobin whined and pouted at the tension and at how long he was taking so he finally planted his lips onto his. 

Even though he was taller, he felt so small against the older. The hand on his hip felt so strong and he had melted at how he had pulled him by his necklace. It had reeked of dominance and authority, making him feel so giddy. And when fingers wrap lightly around his throat without squeezing he felt all sense of control leave him. A little noise boiled out of his throat and felt teeth gently biting his bottom lip and pull it back. The room began to feel so warm and his hand shook against the bare chest in front of him. 

In one swift motioned he was lifted up and placed about the counter. Yeonjun backed away slightly and looked at him with such an intense gaze as he pulled at the zipper of his onesie.

Every fibre of Soobin’s body wanted it to continue. But his mind began to swarm with worries and fears. The same ones that he thought he had gotten rid of.

You’ll hurt him

He’ll hurt you

This won’t end well.

But he won’t let them control him this time. He’s not going to let his stupid stupid doubts ruin something that only happens once in several lifetimes. He’s stronger than that now. 

With all the courage he had inside him he gently put his hands over Yeonjun’s and took it off the zipper.

“Can we- can we take it slow this time?”

He saw the older’s eyes searched his face before he cubbed his cheeks to bring his head closer. The most gentle kiss got left on his forehead and a caring smile was given to him.

“Of course angel. Would that make it easier?”

Soobin felt relief and adoration fill his stomach. The worries began to break and fall out of his head. Yeonjun understood.

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

Their entire vibe changed and they connected their hands and fingers in front of them with their foreheads placed together.

“Do want any labels yet?

The boy on the counter thought for a bit. Only small little concerns ran across him.

“Not yet. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. Can we just be... us... for a little bit?”

“Anything you want.”

Yeonjun didn’t want to push the other. Especially after everything they had been through to get to where they are now. 

Soobin giggled and pecked Yeonjun nose. 

“God! You are so freaking cute!” The shorter squealed as he picked him up off the counter and spun him around.

The boy in his arms held tightly onto him as he laughed into his neck. 

“Put me down!” 

“Never!” 

Yeonjun proceeded to run around the apartment holding him and screaming about how cute he was. 

“Be quiet! We’re gonna get a nose complaint!”

His back then met Yeonjun’s bed and he got covered in pillows and blankets before the other’s body launched onto him.

“OW”

“Hehehe sorry.” 

Soobin poked his head out of the blankets and whacked his lover's head and pushed him off, standing up on the bed with his hands on his hips.

“Is that how you treat a lady old man?”

Yeonjun just laughed and pulled his feet until he landed on his butt with an “oomph” sound.

“No. But my lady loves it.” He whispered and kissed his ear. “I’m going to make dinner now bye-bye!”

“Hey! Come back!” Yelled Soobin in a fit of laughter as he saw the shirtless boy run out the room. 

Soobin had found his yellow


	37. Chapter 37

Taking it slow was probably the best thing that could happen between the two.

As they decided, they were just "us" for a good month. No set commitments were made except for the silent agreement that they were the only ones for each other. Of course, if they saw other people, it wouldn't technically be cheating by definition, but neither of them even thought about it. And the word "boyfriend" hadn't been dropped until their friend group went to the dollar store together to get stuff for Soobin's small birthday celebration they begged him to have.

Soobin, Taehyun, and Kai had been walking down the cereal aisle of the store trying to find Yeonjun and Beomgyu. 

"How did we lose them when there only like four aisles?”

"I don't know. Gyu literally looks like a rainbow threw up on him on though so they shouldn't be hard to-"

The three turned the corner and saw a short girl with dyed blonde hair up to her shoulders talking to Yeonjun and Beomgyu. 

"Do you have Snapchat?" 

"Yeah.”

“Can I add you?”

“Of course.”

Taehyun looked over at Soobin and frowned when he saw sad eyes and a pout. He rolled his eyes and grabbed his arm to pull him towards the scene. The girl looked them up and down and went back to leaning over Yeonjun's phone to help him add her.

Soobin felt uncomfortable and weird. He never was good at asserting himself but he really wanted to say something. 

"U-uh hey Hyungie, they didn't have any of the types of cake you like. This is the only kind they had." He spoke with his nerves lining his voices.

Yeonjun looked up and smiled before locking his phone and putting it into his pocket. 

"That's okay baby. It’s not even my birthday. It’s yours-“

"Baby?"

All five boys turned their heads to the short girl and she radiated confusion. 

"Yeah he's my boyfr- uh we- we are- ummmm."

Yeonjun widened his eyes and made a fave to Soobin to help him out. He knew they still hadn't put a label on what they were, but he figured he must have taken the girl's friendliness the wrong way, and he wanted her to know that he wasn’t available. 

"He's me b-boyfriend. We're dating."

Soobin gave a little shaky smile and walked forward to grab his arm with him and loop them together. The look upon Yeonjun face was priceless and he stared at his "boyfriend" with such happiness that it could be spotted from a mile away.

"Oh- so you guys are.. like... gay?"

Soobin gave an offended look and made brief eye contact with Taehyun moments before Yeonjun butted in.

"Yes, we are as straight as a circle. And he has a cute butt that I like to squish every day when I wake up."

"Yeonjun!"

"What? It's not like I am wrong."

"That doesn't mean you should say it!”

Whenever they got home the 3 of their friends had to watch as Yeonjun smothered him with hugs and kisses.

“Soobie Soobie, my boyfriend Soobie!!” He yelled.

“That's disgusted.” Muttered Taehyun.

“Hey don’t make me remind of you of that time I walked in on you two!”

“Shhhh!!!”

The next step that happened was they started to go on dates together.

Yeonjun made a list of all the things he ever heard Soobin wanted to do. Ride a roller coaster for the first time, try ice skating, stargaze after hiking, go to a trampoline park, go camping, do a week-long road trip and see every art museum possible, and go to build a bear. 

The next step was that Soobin wrote a paper for the online blog he writes for about autism and he had received an email from a center that specializes in autistic kids. He and Yeonjun visited and ended up loving the kids, and even applied to work there together. 

They became coworkers a week and a half later.

Next step, Soobin finally felt no worries about sleeping with him. It was while they had been on the road trip to the art museums. And it was arguably the best time they’ve had together. Yeonjun saw no fear behind his eyes and Soobin put his entirety of himself into it. He said I love you about 500 times and cried because “I’m just really really in love with you Hyung.” 

Next step surprised Yeonjun. They had been officially dating for 5 months, and it was the anniversary of their meeting each other. Soobin came to him all dress up in the outfit he wore that day and gave him a promise ring. 

“I promise I’ll never hurt you again. And I promise I’ll never be scared to love you again. I promise to be your Bunny forever Hyungie.”

Yeonjun cried and wouldn’t leave his side for a whole 48 hours after that. And he would show off the ring to complete strangers. That day was also the day Yeonjun finally told him what his Aunt had said to him. And they spent the next 2 months researching and learning about mirror souls/twin flames. And they were so interested in it that they started to write a book on the subject together. 

The final step was the day it got published, a year later. And Soobin had secretly been continuing the book that he was writing online. He filled it will the two’s story and he left a note dedicated to Yeonjun.

“Hyung I also have another thing to publish....”

“Huh?”

He pulled out a thick book and handed it to him. The colour was silvery and had the title “Glass box” on it. Yeonjun gasped and read the entire thing in one day.

And he burst into their shared room of the small house they bought together late in the night, screaming about how much he loved it.

“Did you read the note?”

“What note?”

“The one at the back.”

Yeonjun pulled open the book and flipped it to the last page hidden behind a few blank ones.

To Yeonjun Hyung,

I’m so glad you read the book. Hopefully, you realized that you are Joon. You’d be pretty stupid if you didn’t. But do you remember what Johnny Hyung said to Arin Noona at their wedding? He quoted the fault in our stars. He said, “I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labour has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.” I hope we can be like them two, of course, we can’t have kids as they do, but maybe we can adopt a puppy as you’ve always wanted. That is of course if you say yes. 

Yeonjun furrowed his eyebrows and turned his eyes off the book. Soobin had stood up and made his way over to him, pulling a little crystal box out of his pocket and kneeled down in front of him. 

“No shut up!! I was gonna do this!!”

Yeonjun quickly shut the book and threw it onto their bed before shimming his hand into the pocket of his jacket, also pulling out and a box and kneeling down with him.

Laughter erupts between the two and they clutched onto their stomachs.

“Will you marry me?” They asked at the same time.

They both said yes and embraced in a hug of tears. And let's just say, Taehyun and Beomgyu were very upset that they were getting married before them. 

After their wedding, their books became best selling and they became famous for being an openly gay couple that had purposed to each other via book. And they still worked at the kid’s autism center together. They were like parents to the kids.

And they reached stage eight.

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii this is Charlie^-^ I've never posted the stuff I've written before but this one is specific to Soobin struggling with having autism, of course he doesn't know about having it at this point in the story, But I'm making it know to bring awareness to autism, since as someone on the spectrum, I don't see enough accurate representation for it. I also want to try and give awareness to other disorders as well, so if you guys want to see anything please let me know!!! I'll be putting a lot of of personal situations into here so it'll be partially based on a true story to help people better understand, and a lot of the characters are representing people in my actually life. So if anybody wants me to write one of there life experience or to make a certified character I can do that! This is also on wattpad so make sure to send it some love there too.


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